After 1.5 years off my ex I am now seriously considering a recycle

[Confusedpe]

After 1.5 years off my ex I am now seriously considering a recycle

I have hit a wall no matter where I look

Firstly let's look at the following

- been out on many dates, haven't even felt an ounce of affection towards those girls
- the one girl who came close turned out to show way too many NPD/BPD qualities herself so I backed away
- I am in my early 30s, all I can see now is how much the world has changed, it seems most women have a lot of BPD traits it's almost everywhere these days

Haven't helped myself by constantly meeting with the ex but man it's like a drug I just can't help myself
No one has ever made me feel that way and touched my senses like this person has

So it also seems that modern relationships and probably even older style relationships are riddled with lies, cheating, deception, disrespect, hurt, pain etc so why not at least take the one I am in love with instead of settling for second best and still getting the same treatment in the long run?


People all say 'ohhhh u can do so much better' my a$$ !  


So shall I give it a final recycle ? Or maybe I can learn to be a cuckolding mouse like most married men in the 21st century

Sorry just really bitter here, I left her thinking I'd move to something better only to be directed back where I started from! It's a bitter pill to swallow

[enlighten me]

Can I ask if all relationships are a farce with lies/ deceipt/ hurt and pain then why do you want to be in one?

I spent years wanting to be in a relationship. 14 years with my ex wife and 2 1/2 with my egf. I now wonder what all the fuss was about. I'm single and probably the happiest I have been since childhood.

One thing Ive realised is that you need to be happy with yourself before you can be happy with someone else. Only you can make yourself a whole person and someone else cant complete you.

[Confusedpe]

Can I ask if all relationships are a farce with lies/ deceipt/ hurt and pain then why do you want to be in one?

I spent years wanting to be in a relationship. 14 years with my ex wife and 2 1/2 with my egf. I now wonder what all the fuss was about. I'm single and probably the happiest I have been since childhood.

One thing Ive realised is that you need to be happy with yourself before you can be happy with someone else. Only you can make yourself a whole person and someone else cant complete you.

Good points made, in between this relationship I was single for a long time. I had a blast but single life really gets old especially if you want stability, family, children etc

[Roselily]

Hey!
I understand where you are coming from... but this urge will pass... .sit it out... if this person is truly BPD in denial without tx, after a couple of great sessions of afternoon delight, it will be worse with the recycle. It happens that way... each recycle it gets worse, and deeper the damage it will do, and longer your recovery...

Stay on the boards! Don't go there! I know from experience... they seem to go by a Manual ... never heard of any good from it... Take care of yourself... like I said... it will pass... be patient...

[Harley Quinn]

After 1.5 years off my ex I am now seriously considering a recycle

I have hit a wall no matter where I look

Firstly let's look at the following

- been out on many dates, haven't even felt an ounce of affection towards those girls
- the one girl who came close turned out to show way too many NPD/BPD qualities herself so I backed away
- I am in my early 30s, all I can see now is how much the world has changed, it seems most women have a lot of BPD traits it's almost everywhere these days

Haven't helped myself by constantly meeting with the ex but man it's like a drug I just can't help myself
No one has ever made me feel that way and touched my senses like this person has

So it also seems that modern relationships and probably even older style relationships are riddled with lies, cheating, deception, disrespect, hurt, pain etc so why not at least take the one I am in love with instead of settling for second best and still getting the same treatment in the long run?


People all say 'ohhhh u can do so much better' my a$$ ! 


So shall I give it a final recycle ? Or maybe I can learn to be a cuckolding mouse like most married men in the 21st century

Sorry just really bitter here, I left her thinking I'd move to something better only to be directed back where I started from! It's a bitter pill to swallow

Hi Confusedpe,

It's understandable to feel frustrated at the situation you find yourself in.  What have you done to help your own healing following the split?  Did you seek any counselling for example? 

Something I picked up on in your post is that you mention a girl who appeared to have BPD/NPD traits, and the way in which you decided that was not something that you wanted.  I think you know where I'm going with this... .  It sounds as though you're aware that being in a relationship with somebody who demonstrates these behavioural traits isn't healthy for you and that's why you rejected the possibility of starting up something new with this individual.  In which case you are aware in yourself that to go back into the relationship with your ex will only bring more of the same. 

I don't know much about your story, however it seems to me that there is room for some detaching on your part if you wish to change the thoughts you are having about your future.  Could you be hanging on to the hope that the relationship is salvageable long term?  Is it possible in your opinion for you to work things out and if so, why is that?  What is different now about your ex and yourself to when you split up?  Perhaps you could write these things down before you come to a decision, to help yourself have a clear picture in your mind.

Love and light x 

[forlorn]

Maybe I'm naïve, but I don't think that " lies, cheating, deception, disrespect, hurt, pain etc." are things that we should accept as the baseline for relationships.  Do those things happen occasionally in even the best of circumstances, and even in relationships where mental health issues are not present?  Probably, sometimes.  But if you know that that is what you are most certainly going to encounter, it seems unhealthy to resign yourself to it.  Consider- if you had a child of your own and he or she was encountering the same types of problems, would you worry about him or her?  Are you yourself not worthy of the same consideration?

In my twenties, I had a boyfriend who would break up with me every so often.  I'd move on and start dating someone else, but then he'd come back around and I'd go right back to him. Over and over and over again.  I had those same types of feelings - he was amazing, no one else really appealed to me, and he was very much like a drug that was so seductive and addictive I couldn't resist.  In retrospect, the highs that I experienced with him were so mind boggling because the lows were so painful.  While I was feeling things so intensely, and that made me feel more alive than ever, and then so devastatingly broken, there was absolutely nothing healthy about it.  I wonder if you can relate to that?

I don't know that it's ever a good idea to tell someone to go back into a relationship or to leave one. And I wouldn't presume to tell you that now.  I would only caution you to examine yourself and your choices. Are you drawn back to this person for the right reasons? Are you making healthy choices? Maybe create a vision of what a healthy relationship looks like to you.  Then look at the choice in front of you and try to determine if that meets your new criteria.  If not, does it make sense to invest yourself in it? 

It's not about doing better.  It's about being healthy.  I am new to this BPD world, and I won't pretend that I'm in a healthy situation right now and have all the answers.  But my goal is to develop a healthy me, and if that helps my relationship, great!  If not, I will have to grieve.  But what I do know is this - allowing this type of rollercoaster to drain me and affect all of the people around me is not the reason I was put on Earth. And I would venture a guess that if you look at your own life, you might conclude that you are not able to fulfill your purpose either if you are worn down by things. 

Wishing you strength and peace.

[Zemmma]

I know EXACTLY where you are coming from. I want to empathize with how you are feeling because there is so much to it that I understand.

I struggle so much with this. Always have. The good in this person is so good, it doesn't matter what else comes with the package. The good always outweighs the bad. Those BPD traits were present, but did not overshadow the goodness in this person and more than anything, the amazing feeling of having him in my life.

And then, other men? In comparison I feel nothing. NOTHING. If you have felt true passion, mind-blowing sex, intimacy, intense love, how can you ever be in a relationship with a "nice" somebody else that doesn't move you?

Problem with my man was, he could never STAY. And the pain of him dipping in and out, and all his inner turmoil and struggle about me... well, it would never end. So I always end up HERE. And man, this sucks.

But yes, I would never ever question you for wanting to be with the one you love. And to the question "why be in a relationship at all?" Well, being single means not having an intimate, sexual, affectionate relationship with someone. A place to land. It doesn't mean you don't love yourself if you don't want to be by yourself, alone forever. Living without those magical things is not a way I would choose to show myself love. Single can truly be a lonely place.

1.5 years. What has changed? Could you find a way to make it last? I went back after 14 months and it lasted a year. Then I was discarded again and he describes that year as "sucking to the high heavens." Three months later he came back for some sex and "fun" but wouldn't commit to a r/s, so I ended it and told him to never contact me again. I don't have an answer for you, but it is easy to let the mind go back to "might as well be hurt by him, since I am hurting anyway." Unfortunately, there may be for many of us, no happy ending with that person... just the same rollercoaster. I think I will take a big, BIG break before putting my hand into that fire again. If I am right about him he will aways be in and out of relationships, so there will always be an opening for me down the road if I choose to go back. And time and distance might help both of us. If I am wrong and he finds the perfect mate, then, all the power to him. And if that is the case, I truly wasn't the one for him. Then it wasn't just him. It was us-
our dynamic. Then he would be right- we just don't work together. Then, the only choice- radical acceptance.

In the meantime, I am still holding out a small hope that I can fall deeply in with someone else at some point- someone who won't put me through this hell over and over. Hard to be patient, I know.

[Confusedpe]

Thanks to everyone for the replies
I won't bore everyone with the BPD story but let's put it this way, whilst she's undiagnosed I can comfortably say she meets every single trait, I also had the liberty of speaking to an ex she was once with who basically told me he ran for the hills

Unlike many here my one is different, I leave her and then I am bombarded with hundreds (that's not a joke either) or calls and texts per day

I have tried everything, all the suggestions but my life with her is horrible and it's even worse without her

So I am very close to giving in and hoping for the best. I think I need to gather up all the strength I have and realise she is what she is and expect ANYTHING AND EVERYTHING, then I have to emotionally try my hardest not to get wounded or hurt by her behaviour and I also have to run the risk of the discard that could possibly come after marriage

She's chasing because I never let her get to the discard stage, I walk when the 'hater phase' becomes too much

I'm going crazy, absolutely nuts and I know it

[Hopeful_Me]

With complete respect... .

You're a junkie and she's your drug. You're seeking the high, but ignoring the low that WILL come. And suck your soul.

How about you seek help?

Or not. And die a daily death.

Your choice.

[Confusedpe]

With complete respect... .

You're a junkie and she's your drug. You're seeking the high, but ignoring the low that WILL come. And suck your soul.

How about you seek help?

Or not. And die a daily death.

Your choice.

Yes that about sums it no disrespect taken

[Harley Quinn]

Hi Confusedpe,

Haven't helped myself by constantly meeting with the ex but man it's like a drug I just can't help myself

Just going back to your original post, what have been the nature of the meetings?  How often have you seen her and how have the two of you related to one another?  Any improvement in communication?

I'm also curious to know if your ex is receiving any treatment and whether you have tried any form of therapy for yourself?

Love and light x

[Herodias]

Gosh, I am so sorry you are feeling this way... .you are so young! I know how hard it is to meet someone. My girlfriends and I feel the same way. Why oh why can't that one person that is "normal" show up? I think we are put through tests and I think you need to work on yourself  a little bit. As a man you have more time to have a family. (I am assuming you are a man) I understand you feel the devil you know is better than the one you do not, but it just isn't true. You already know that she will value you less if you take her back. Why do that to yourself. I have been joking with my girlfriend that is doing online dating that I am having just as much luck as she is by sitting on my couch watching tv. She agreed, ... .She is on a date now and she said if this doesn't work, she is taking a break. In the meantime she is still pining for a man that punched her in the face. He shows all the signs to me of a sociopath. He is giving her the silent treatment right now. So I ask you, would you tell her to go back to the man that punched her in the face, because she cannot find anyone else yet? What would you tell your best friend if they were in your same situation? You know the answer. Get busy with life and friends... .it will happen for you. There are lots of really nice available women out there. Maybe you need to adjust what it is you think you want as well. Think some more on this before you do anything, you will more than likely regret it. Read some of the pages here on what happens with people that get recycled. I was several times myself. It got worse every time. Really, really worse. I wouldn't wish it on anyone. Except maybe the one my ex is with now who cheated on her husband and got pregnant by mine after meeting me in person! Yes, she will learn a hard lesson... .you don't have to do this again. Think about it.

[truthbeknown]

confusedpe,

you said you got out before the discard stage?  lucky you?  Mine went from Pedestal stage to discard stage when mine got off of Meds.  Even though it was a low dose the lack of it led her directly into discard stage.   I tried to give it some time.  When we were together I would try to talk to her and tell her that I understood so that she wouldn't get "flooded" but then she kept keeping me at arm length distance after I told her that I could not let her touch me and kiss me if she says she wants to date other guys or not be in a relationship with me.  She responded by pushing me away or being passive aggressive with her communication. 

[Turkish]

Yes that about sums it no disrespect taken

So it sounds like you are accepting of this opinion.  Are you that conflicted about initiating a recycle given that you admit it might be unhealthy? I did it once,  knowing so,  successfully.  Two kids later, I tried again, unsuccessfully. The common denominator in both instances was me.  I had a choice.  At all have our own choices in these situations which we alone own. What do you think is best for you in order to feel at peace?

[Confusedpe]

Thank u all yet again for your insights.

I don't know how to respond to every one so I will give a generic response

- she is apparently willing to get help and she admits (when pushed into a corner) that she has some major issues, however, I know that this is just a tactic to win me back, there is no way in hell she would commit to getting better. She would probably go once and then never again
- i have met what I believe to be much healthier women since breaking it off  with her and I just found my attraction to those women was very weak. It's almost like this girl stole my heart , soul everything
- the reason why I think it's better to get discarded is that at least they will GO and leave u for long enough for u to heal, if they don't get that chance they can be an absolute pest with non stop calls and texts, I think she would have brokn the Guinness book of records for most amount of calls in a 1 hour period (323)


I am confused, she was lik my dream girl in every sense and when she goes into hater mode my anger keeps me away, once the anger reduces I'm back to where I started from

[enlighten me]

It is confusing as to why we go from hero to zero and back to hero. It all depends on their mood and feelings. If they feel you like them and they like you you get elevated to hero. If you miss a call or don't respond quick enough or say the wrong thing then its back to zero as you obviously don't like them. This is the black and white all or nothing thinking. Its exhausting to try and stay hero. Much better in a healthy relationship when you don't have to worry about every response and the reaction it may or may not cause.

Its also this all or nothing thinking which hooked us and keeps us hooked. They like us and idolise us. Were put on a pedestal and it feels great (especially if there are some insecurity issues of our own).

With my exgf everything was either amazing or awful. There was no middle ground and to me this is a red flag now. I can have a nice meal or a nice day out. I can have an ok day or a not brilliant day my exgf couldn't. It doesn't take much for a day to go from bad to good with a pwBPD. Roadworks can turn an ok day into the worst ever. Someone being nice in a shop can turn an asful day into a great one. This is the same with relationships for them.

[Harley Quinn]

Thank u all yet again for your insights.

I don't know how to respond to every one so I will give a generic response

- she is apparently willing to get help and she admits (when pushed into a corner) that she has some major issues, however, I know that this is just a tactic to win me back, there is no way in hell she would commit to getting better. She would probably go once and then never again
- i have met what I believe to be much healthier women since breaking it off  with her and I just found my attraction to those women was very weak. It's almost like this girl stole my heart , soul everything
- the reason why I think it's better to get discarded is that at least they will GO and leave u for long enough for u to heal, if they don't get that chance they can be an absolute pest with non stop calls and texts, I think she would have brokn the Guinness book of records for most amount of calls in a 1 hour period (323)


I am confused, she was lik my dream girl in every sense and when she goes into hater mode my anger keeps me away, once the anger reduces I'm back to where I started from

Hi Confusedpe,

I can empathise with your confusion, as can many if not most of the members on this board.  You sound as though you are stuck in a cycle here and it's natural to reach a point where you want that to stop.  You have two choices.
 Get off the ride or pay for a ticket and hold on tight.  How long has this been going on for you both altogether?  It can't be easy for either of you.  

Just speaking from my own experience, I got out before discard too.  As you found, initially I was bombarded with messages, calls, gifts and notes through my door... .This was when we were in what I'll call LC, because I was only selectively engaging with him, in order to give myself space.  Over time I found that I valued that space so much, as I was able to think more clearly and my anxiety reduced greatly.  I began to appreciate my freedom and started to see my way out of the FOG (fear, obligation, guilt).  When I was in a place that I wanted to heal from the relationship and detach properly, I read the article about NC on the site, to find out how it works and if it would help me.  Going NC was hard, yet changed things for both my ex and I.  His feelings of desperation and the bombarding stopped in time.  Some on the other hand are discarded and then pursued when they appear to be moving on.  We can't really know how things will play out, only really look at our part in them and how we can grow in ourselves.  

I'd advise you to take a little time to read the lessons on detachment (black box with links in to the right) and see how you feel about things.  It will help you to establish where you are and to make informed choices.  Hope you find it helpful.

Love and light x    

[LonelyChild]

been out on many dates, haven't even felt an ounce of affection towards those girls

This is where I am at as well, and this is the biggest problem. I'm 2.5 years out (was with her for 1.5-3.5 years, hard to tell as you probably can relate to). I've dated and met so many women. I don't feel anything whatsoever. People keep telling me I just haven't met the right one, but I'm not so sure anymore. I mean, technically, it's true, but it's as if I've lost the ability to love normal.

My P once told me "well of course, trying to get some excitement from a normal girl after your ex is like trying to get a rush out of drinking milk after being a heroin addict for years."  I guess he's right.

A few of the women I've dated have fallen in love with me, but I still am completely unable to feel anything, resulting in them being very hurt (although I am *extremely* honest these days, being very upfront with me being unable to give any promises whatsoever).

What do you do? Life has become very meaningless when nothing makes you feel anything at all. I still remember and long for the feeling I had with my uBPDxgf when we held each other's hands or cuddled, or just sat together watching the sunset. I don't think I'll ever find that feeling again.

(For me, going back is not an option, she's a drug addict and prostitute(?) now, having slept around with many, many, many guys, she's a complete wreck and completely insane, even her family cut her off entirely so there's no way of going back for me... )

[K.G.]

Hi confused,
you need to take stock and think very carefully why you want to go back. Is it because you really love and miss her, or is it because you feel your life is so empty right now?

My life is empty. I feel like a seive, evertime I try to fill myself with something it runs straight through. And for this reason I want my fun and gregarious ex back. And the loneliness is horrible. I feel paralysed. But I am trying hard to fight this because trying again is too risky and I am sure I will have to work through anxiety and heartbreak all over again. In any event, like most here, my ex holds the cards when it comes to communication.

Right now she wants you back and the communication line is open by her. So you have a choice, right? But are you in control? Or is she in control? Is it your choice whether the relationship will be or not be? My view is that the control is hers . She wants you back, and you go back. And then what? Happily ever after? Or happily ever up to the point she decides otherwise? I can't tell you what to do. But your ex has a problem that you cannot fix. The moment she feels anxious she will discard you, no matter how much you give or how much love you shower. I would go back to my ex only if he sought effective treatment and recognised and acknowledged he had something to work on. Does your ex recognise that? Or does she think you need to work on yourself to be with her? If so, hmmmm?

I know it's hard. And to be honest when I reply I feel like I am giving advice to my inner self. Everyone struggles with affairs of the heart. But I see several mutually respectful relationships.And I want one of those! And if no one is out there for me, the world will keep on turning. It is so hard, I know and since I split I haven't felt happy, not once. And if I went back I know 100 percent I will feel alive again, until the next time he throws me out.

Take care. Do just one positive thing for you today.

[Confusedpe]

Hi confused,
you need to take stock and think very carefully why you want to go back. Is it because you really love and miss her, or is it because you feel your life is so empty right now?

My life is empty. I feel like a seive, evertime I try to fill myself with something it runs straight through. And for this reason I want my fun and gregarious ex back. And the loneliness is horrible. I feel paralysed. But I am trying hard to fight this because trying again is too risky and I am sure I will have to work through anxiety and heartbreak all over again. In any event, like most here, my ex holds the cards when it comes to communication.

Right now she wants you back and the communication line is open by her. So you have a choice, right? But are you in control? Or is she in control? Is it your choice whether the relationship will be or not be? My view is that the control is hers . She wants you back, and you go back. And then what? Happily ever after? Or happily ever up to the point she decides otherwise? I can't tell you what to do. But your ex has a problem that you cannot fix. The moment she feels anxious she will discard you, no matter how much you give or how much love you shower. I would go back to my ex only if he sought effective treatment and recognised and acknowledged he had something to work on. Does your ex recognise that? Or does she think you need to work on yourself to be with her? If so, hmmmm?

I know it's hard. And to be honest when I reply I feel like I am giving advice to my inner self. Everyone struggles with affairs of the heart. But I see several mutually respectful relationships.And I want one of those! And if no one is out there for me, the world will keep on turning. It is so hard, I know and since I split I haven't felt happy, not once. And if I went back I know 100 percent I will feel alive again, until the next time he throws me out.

Take care. Do just one positive thing for you today.

Thanks for the response K.G

She actually never got to the discard stage, she never dunked me but made my life hell, if I told her to marry me she would jump at it straight away. She has also never stopped talking to me or closed communication.

I should start a post because from what I read here it seems that the majority of the non's have been dumped over and over. In my case it's me who dumped her over and over and she chased me viciously? Does this sound odd to everyone here?

I have been told that some BPDs don't leave, they make ur life hell but don't discard that easily and when u leave them they go crazy and try to get you back? Am I wrong here?

[Confusedpe]

This is where I am at as well, and this is the biggest problem. I'm 2.5 years out (was with her for 1.5-3.5 years, hard to tell as you probably can relate to). I've dated and met so many women. I don't feel anything whatsoever. People keep telling me I just haven't met the right one, but I'm not so sure anymore. I mean, technically, it's true, but it's as if I've lost the ability to love normal.

My P once told me "well of course, trying to get some excitement from a normal girl after your ex is like trying to get a rush out of drinking milk after being a heroin addict for years."  I guess he's right.

A few of the women I've dated have fallen in love with me, but I still am completely unable to feel anything, resulting in them being very hurt (although I am *extremely* honest these days, being very upfront with me being unable to give any promises whatsoever).

What do you do? Life has become very meaningless when nothing makes you feel anything at all. I still remember and long for the feeling I had with my uBPDxgf when we held each other's hands or cuddled, or just sat together watching the sunset. I don't think I'll ever find that feeling again.

(For me, going back is not an option, she's a drug addict and prostitute(?) now, having slept around with many, many, many guys, she's a complete wreck and completely insane, even her family cut her off entirely so there's no way of going back for me... )

Feel your pain, there just seems to be no match to these women! Then I'll and heroin is a good analogy

[resiliant_dad]

Your handle is Confusedpe, but I have to say, I'm confused by your post.

You say you can't find better, because of how she makes you feel to the touch; write that relationships are rife with lies, cheating, deceit, disrespect, etc; have met many women who are much healthier, have dated some long enough to have fallen in love with you (several women falling in love with you in 1.5 years? Impressive), but for whom you don't feel the attraction;
Then you wind up with this doozie: you can either take her back, OR, you can learn to be a cuckolded mouse like all the other married men.
What, exactly, would you consider yourself, returning to a woman who lies, cheats, deceives, and abuses you, if not a cuckold? That is the very definition of a cuckold.
A marriage is comprised of compromises, at least a healthy one. Giving up the bar scene, a less scintillating sex life, grocery shopping, etc, doesn't make one a cuckold. Being in a marriage or relationship where one's needs and feelings are destroyed is.
If P means psychologist, and yours really compared a relationship with BPD to heroin vs one with a healthy woman to milk, then I have 2 things to consider.
1. Find a new psychologist
2. Figure out why you find heroin to be the more attractive choice to milk. One takes your life and free will, the other builds muscle.
My wife, like your ex, always draws me back. And I've always taken her back. We've got sons, and she keeps them from me, and uses them, and guilts me by saying "I don't want them being raised in a broken home". That's on me though. I am the one who keeps taking her back.
You need to own your behavior, and figure out why you feel this need to have a relationship.
You date, you've had women fall in love with you, and you've only been away from her for 1.5 years. How long were you together? When did you start dating again?

I'd say, forget looking for a relationship to plug whatever hole you've got. Figure out how to fix yourself first. That's the first rule of all first aid. Fix yourself first. On the battlefield, on a crashing airplane, and in or after a broken relationship. You'll never find happiness, within yourself and then with another, until this bitterness you so clearly show in these posts.
Good luck and be well.

[Harley Quinn]

Hi Confusedpe,

I should start a post because from what I read here it seems that the majority of the non's have been dumped over and over. In my case it's me who dumped her over and over and she chased me viciously? Does this sound odd to everyone here?

You could do a poll if you want to get an idea from a section of members about this.   

In my case, I left my ex and he clung on for dear life.  It was a very extreme situation, so there was police involvement, however he still made many many attempts to come back to me and we did remain LC (my terms) until we eventually went NC - again my decision, which he really had no choice but to accept in the end.  I believe if I called him tomorrow and said let's get back together he would go for it.  However that doesn't change the fact that it would only be a temporary arrangement without him getting proper therapy and committing to it, as there is only so much I could take and I'm stronger now, so would (learning from my mistakes) enforce some firm boundaries from the get go.  Eventually (sooner rather than later) I know he'd cross my limits to the point I'd have no option but to get out of there for my own well being.

What I'd advise you to ask yourself is, are you looking for a short term fix or do you want to really make a go of it for the long haul if you were to re engage?  Is that possible realistically?  If not, the likelihood is you'll be back to the starting blocks again once the fix is achieved.  It may be that's acceptable to you.  Just have clarity in your mind.   

I feel most of us reach this point at some stage of wondering if we go forwards or back in our lives, and have multiple reasons for both of these options.  Are you clear on yours?  If you could whittle it down to one MAIN reason for looking in each direction, what would it be?

Love and light x