I will start doing this in my own deep dark unhappy way

[Pedro]

Goodbye from Pedro here. Thanks everybody for the last few months. Sorry we didn't get the outcome I was hoping for. Good luck to those of you that can reconcile.
Love
Pedro X

[PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES]

PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members may appear frustrated but they are here for constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[Skip]

There is still work to do... .see you soon.

[onelittleladybug]

Pedro,

What Skip said is right. I know how hard this is. Our stories are not the same but I have been at the airport saying goodbye feeling like I couldnt breathe from sorrow. That moment is not the be all end all but there is very different things ahead. It gets better from here. It might get a bit worse at first but it really just seems that way only because all the things youve been holding inside come out. Then - rebuilding. We are here for you all the way.

[Pedro]

Dropped her off at the airport terminal, she says multiple times I love you.

Thanks all but will start doing this in my own deep dark unhappy way that only I know I can do in terms of what my long history of depression will allow me to.

Again thanks Skip & heartandwhole mostly. Glad I'm not a betting man or I would have lost in more ways than one.

[Pedro]

There is still work to do... .see you soon.

This is a car crash in slow motion issn't it folks?  Sorry but i will not be engaging in the Detaching work as Skip's recent comment on the opening sentence suggests, (you and your colleagues have been great Skip no offence intended).  By that i mean i will greive move on in my own way that i can.

[Coconut2017]

There is still work to do... .see you soon.

This is a car crash in slow motion issn't it folks?  Sorry but i will not be engaging in the Detaching work as Skip's recent comment on the opening sentence suggests, (you and your colleagues have been great Skip no offence intended).  By that i mean i will greive move on in my own way that i can.

I don't know your story well, Pedro, but I can see that you are terribly hurt and possibly very angry right now.
As it was said, it will likely to get worse before it gets better but it will get better... .in time.
I think the knowledge that there is a community to support you any time you feel you want to get back here offers reassurance whichever way you choose to get through your grief.

[Pedro]

Well  she's home now & will be giving her side of the story, "how I am such as a bad person conversing to an ex partner about her & I & how i couldn't copw with her illness"  I'll be the black sheep of their family now, forever tainted, yet they don't have clue what her BPD behaviour was like trying to deal with. It will be a biased one sided story. Yet I love her parents so much & they treat me like a son, it's not fair I'll never see them again.

[Gumiho]

... .never see them again.

ow Pedro.  
Though Skip already said:

There is still work to do ... .

It sure ain't quite over yet. We can never tell the future. Stay strong. One step after another~

[Pedro]

THANKS.

[Gumiho]

THANKS.

I'm sorry.
Not gonna point out any "what ifs",  I'm sure you do plenty of those to feed the next generation of koreas porks.

Just be prepared. I can faintly even imagine the pain you're going through, but there's more to come.

Again, sorry.

[Pedro]

I've been grieving for the last 3 months but the person is still there. I lost my Dad years ago and this is what I'm experiencing, so I can't feel any worse than I do. But am moving on, not heard from her nor do I expect to. She won't reach out heartandwhole which you asked me a couple of weeks ago. She has her immediate family there so no abandonment there & mr wonderful so know abandonment there so she's fine.
Just waiting for parents to block me on Facebook once she tells why we separated happy days again.

[Skip]

Pedro, you are slipping into depression. Work with us. We've all been where you are. We have many newbies that are just starting the process you have started. Seek help. Help others. You can survive this.

One of the things about depression is that we develop distorted thinking patterns. Everyone does. And depression is part of the stages of grieving (denial, bargaining, anger, depression, acceptance).

The first thing to do here is to take inventory on where you are. Let's do that.

When you started here, your live in gf had broken up and was getting emotionally involved with an Internet stranger from Texas who lives near her parents (5,000 miles away). You wanted to rekindle the relationship and members advised you that the your only play was to wait out the new romance (which statistically has a great chance of failing) by being a good guy, but not a door mat and not needy or clinging.

Long distance relationships play out slowly. It has been a few months and she is just now meeting him for the first time. For this relationship to work, there needs to be chemistry, which is a big if. There are also the hurdles distance (she will not see him much unless she moves). Moving in together is a big step to take this early, and moving to her own home without a job is a big step. Moving in with the parents is still a LDR - not a day to day thing.  My point is, there are a lot of ways this new relationship can be overloaded and fail. But all these things have to play out and it takes time. This process just started yesterday.

You were positive and upbeat for the most part these last couple of months. She could have taken the position that she was done with you  (and gone silent) or she could have "friended" you - she did the latter. Being friended is better than discarded.

So she has left and now you enter phase two of this drama. What sounds right to you:

1. Wait like a puppy dog and help her over the hurdles above?
2. Start rebuilding your life, and leave a back door open for her (like she is doing to you)?
3. Breakdown, go into a dark depression?

[Pedro]

I don't mean to be this way. Thank you Skip for reminding me of things & putting them in perspective. It's just been so bloody hard to keep everything together, being positive, rediscovering myself, still supporting her (my choice I know), our living circumstances, her new partner.

I am trying as is humanly Possible within my limits & knowledge.