anguishing and missing her, scared of finding out that she was cheating

[glassman222]

2 days ago, I made the decision to lie to get out of a date we had to attend an aa meeting together.  I did this because I realized that I couldnt stick around to help her and be a friend... .she was bound and determined to get me to further committ and purchace a 2k ring from costco.

I had returned because I left (3 times prior) because I found evidence that she was cheating on me.  she tried gaslighting me over and over. I realized that she will never admit cheating and I was just torturing myself.

when I left the third time, I returned to plant some survailence devices around to get concrete proof, not just circumstantial evidence that I already had.  If I was going to devistate her, I had to be in the right, be a true victim, have no doubts to have a clear conscience.  I didnt want to spend the rest of my life lamenting if I had sabotaged a crazy in love relationship with the most beautiful woman Ive ever been with.

she kept telling me that leaving would be the biggest mistake ive ever made,and that I was throwing away a gift of love from God.  Im 50 (handsome and in good shape), but I was resigned that all the pretty women in my age group were taken and taken good care of.  Imagine my surprise when the hot hot receptionist on the office remodel I was on told a coworker (happened to be a mutual friend) that she was  VERY interested in me.  I was in a sexless, hopeless roommate type relationship with my landlady (older) for the past 5 years and was embarrassed about it, but the landlady picked me up at the lowest point in my life and helped me to get sober and employed.  I was grateful so I played boytoy, but I got stuck there.

Not only did I see an opportunity to jump ship, but I was going to land on the deck of a woman my age, who was absolutely stunning in the looks dept.  I couldnt believe my luck, and when she gave my the ultimatum that I had to jump ship and move in with her, I did.  the next day I realized i made a mistake

[Mutt]

Hi glassman222,



What clued you in that there was something wrong when you moved in with her?