Married to a bp

[Depression = 72% of members]

Hello,

I'm married to a bp and I'm so exhausted. I've been feeling like everything has been my fault and that I'm not doing enough in the relationship. I can only get told so many times how I don't live up to what his expectations are. I'm struggling because I'm trying to understand everything but at the same time I know it's not personal but I am having so much trouble not taking it that way. He has made me feel like not enough and that I'm falling short over and over again. And plus the fact to what it seems like everybody else thinks he's the most amazing person alive and they don't see how he breaks me down. It's not easy... .I've been trying. We have two wonderfully beautiful kids. He is in counseling as am I. But I feel hurt, broken, resentful, confused. I just want support. I would love answers in terms of what to do but I know there's no one concrete one.

[morning123]

Hello,

I'm married to a bp and I'm so exhausted. I've been feeling like everything has been my fault and that I'm not doing enough in the relationship. I can only get told so many times how I don't live up to what his expectations are. I'm struggling because I'm trying to understand everything but at the same time I know it's not personal but I am having so much trouble not taking it that way. He has made me feel like not enough and that I'm falling short over and over again. And plus the fact to what it seems like everybody else thinks he's the most amazing person alive and they don't see how he breaks me down. It's not easy... .I've been trying. We have two wonderfully beautiful kids. He is in counseling as am I. But I feel hurt, broken, resentful, confused. I just want support. I would love answers in terms of what to do but I know there's no one concrete one.

[PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES]

PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members may appear frustrated but they are here for constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[Tattered Heart]

Hi

Welcome to the board. You'll find so much support here. It's such a relief to have other people know what you are going through. It's hard not to take the things said to us personally, because well, they are personal and hurtful. What activities outside of your relationship do you engage in for yourself? How do you find your own personal validation?

We have a lot of great workshops on the right side of the page. These can really help improve your communication with your pwBPD, teach you new skills in navigating your relationship, and also help you work on taking care of yourself. To get you started here is one of our workshops on not being invalidating. A lot of the time us nons think we are just standing up for ourselves, but the way we do it sends a message to our pwBPD that we aren't listening to them.

https://bpdfamily.com/content/communication-skills-dont-be-invalidating