My ex borderline gf

[Seven seven]

I have recently split up with my ex of seven years who suffers with BPD it was as you can imagine a rollercoaster of good and bad she has now met someone on a BPD chatroom but still contacts me she is having a major crisis currently I'm hurt confused and don't knowhat to do for the best I feel lost

[RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING]

RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members are welcomed to express frustration but must seek constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[Tattered Heart]

Hi seven seven,

I'm sorry that you are going through a breakup. During this time apart, this is a great time begin evaluating your own life and trying to enact some things to improve your reaction to your pwBPD.

Is she trying to get back together with you? How are you responding to her current crisis?

[Harley Quinn]

Hi Seven seven and Welcome! 

I'm sorry to hear you're feeling lost and you're not alone in that feeling.  At some point or another I think many of us have felt this way so just know that it's not unusual and things can and do get better.  You've found the right place to be understood and receive support at this difficult time here.  How long ago was the breakup and who made the decision?  If you're happy to share any back story it might help a little with any advice offered by other members.

I'd advise arming yourself with information, by taking a look at the articles, tools and lessons here.  You'll find you feel less lost when you know what you've been dealing with and how and why your current situation occurs.  I felt it balanced me to be able to step back a little and learn all I could.  Then I was more able to tackle moving forwards.

Whatever you need to share here in order to ease the strain, you'll be heard.

Love and light x 

[Seven seven]

Thanks both for replying I will elaborate a bit more me and my ex were going through a on off stage then about a month ago she went quiet on me I new something was up as this has been pattern of behavior about a week and a bit later she told me she had met a guy online from another country and he had come over and stayed at hers she told me they had slept together I have since found out just after that she slept with a mural friend these both obviously destroyed me ! Since then we have kept in contact and been out on is several occasions she has said she dosent know what she wants anymore she speaks to this other guy who came over regularly on a daily basis she met him on a BPD chat room he is also borderline she said she liked him because she felt he got her as both got same issues. She is going through a bad crisis at the moment shell be depressed anxious and hypermanic until she gets money then will spend days at a time getting absolutely hammered on wine for 3 4 days at a time then the cycle continues we have slept together in three occasions most recently on Sunday when she phoned me to go round and look after her as she was going through bad time andidnt feel safe and typically we ended up in bed she is not getting the right treatment and has given up on the help she was getting she has lost faith in our health system I know I should properly go nc but I know that she would do something stupid as
she regularly self harms I love her to pieces I just don't know what to do sorry this is probably a bit if a rambled mess!

[Tattered Heart]

Sounds like a volatile situation for her with the new BPD bf.

Do you feel like there are any boundaries with her? How do you feel knowing that she is seeing someone else yet still calling you?

[Seven seven]

Well to be honest he lives in a different country so she's seen him once for a couple of days so really don't know what to think . I feel hurt angry jealous upset lost a whole raft of emotions she says she does not know whatshe wants but I feel like I might be being used as a saftet net so she won't ever be abandoned I don't think there are any boundaries she knows I love her and would do anything for her maybe that's exactly why she's doing this is because I'm letting her? I really don't know what to do if I go nc I risk pushing her further towards him I'm so confused and lost really need some help and advice!