My fiance has BPD, from everything I have read

[Hiawatha]

We have been together 9 years.  I don't ask for fights, but he seems to always find a way to start one, by accusing me of something I did not say, calling me a name, being rude and disrespectful, and on and on.
He can be a very loving, giving person and so I try to focus on that.  If I start to really see he has a disease, it may be easier for me to cope.  I plan to read over a lot of the information here and hope to find ways to not take his negative words personally.  (hard to do most of time)  According to his family, he has always been a screamer and fighter.  He has resisted counseling numerous times, and so I have gone by myself.   I think that putting a NAME on this whole problem will help me better to see it is not about me.  How can I ever get to a point where I won't react to his insanity?   I work so hard at being in this relationship so that I don't allow him to upset me, but it seems I still get upset.    Thank you for letting me speak out.

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RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members are welcomed to express frustration but must seek constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[That guy]

Hi there- I am new to this group as well.  My gf is BPD and is looking to fight, cry, escape, zone out, and so forth, on a daily basis.  I've been trying to validate her and understand/feel what she is feelkng (empathize).  It's not easy, but I am trying. Right now I'm in Brazil playing tennis and she bursts into tears every time we speak, or she gets angry when she sees people like posts of mine on social media.  She comes up with excuses why she can't make therapy, but she does go sporadically.  I guess what I'm saying is, I feel for you.