Online dating: his confession.

[Family Court Strategies: When Your Partner Has BPD OR NPD Traits.]

Hello! So I've been online dating and someone contacted me we have been talking for a little bit, then he opened up to me saying he's a type 1 bipolar... .not going to lie, I was bummed.

I don't mean  to be negative but I feel like I can only share this with you guys because maybe you guys will understand this the most.

When he opened up to me, I immediately remembered my last experience, full of bliss for a couple years straight and literally ended overnight. One of the worst times in my life.

I know that no relationship is easy, but I also know one like this is even harder. Am I wrong for judging? Is it wrong of me for feeling turned off? I honestly do not know what to do with the information he has given me.

I haven't posted in a long time because I've been really great guys! Some of you may remember my stories of the father of my child who is also bipolar, and a stressful custody battle. (I now Have full custody!)

[Dontknow88]

Hello! So I've been online dating and someone contacted me we have been talking for a little bit, then he opened up to me saying he's a type 1 bipolar... .not going to lie, I was bummed.

I don't mean  to be negative but I feel like I can only share this with you guys because maybe you guys will understand this the most.

When he opened up to me, I immediately remembered my last experience, full of bliss for a couple years straight and literally ended overnight. One of the worst times in my life.

I know that no relationship is easy, but I also know one like this is even harder. Am I wrong for judging? Is it wrong of me for feeling turned off? I honestly do not know what to do with the information he has given me.

I haven't posted in a long time because I've been really great guys! Some of you may remember my stories of the father of my child who is also bipolar, and a stressful custody battle. (I now Have full custody!)

[Hisaccount]

Sorry to hear about that. I went through the same thing.

I did the online dating thing. Very disappointed at who I was meeting. Like you I was looking for more of a happy start. Not awkward. Only one gal ever made it to dinner number 2.

One gal I finally convinced to have dinner with me. We were talking and as the evening was progressing well she told me about her ex and asked about mine.
I told her mine has BPD, she says, oh I have that too.

I froze immediately, wasn't sure what to say. She finally asks are you okay?
I said honestly I am not sure whether to just get up and walk out now or what I should do.
She was very nice about it. She was taking meds and very stable (currently) in the end it was nice to hear about BPD from someone living with it that was honest about it.
We were friends for a while but really there was no way I was going to willing go down that road again and she knew that but we still talked a bunch for a while.
She always answered all the questions I had, I think I took it as the only closure I would ever get.

Don't feel bad for the way you feel. That is a normal response. Now you have to decide if he is worth it. For me it would not be.

Needless to say my experiences with online dating were so bad I gave up.

[Skip]

Bipolar I is pretty serious. Do you know what meds he is taking or when he had his last episode?

[Dontknow88]

Sorry to hear about that. I went through the same thing.

I did the online dating thing. Very disappointed at who I was meeting. Like you I was looking for more of a happy start. Not awkward. Only one gal ever made it to dinner number 2.

One gal I finally convinced to have dinner with me. We were talking and as the evening was progressing well she told me about her ex and asked about mine.
I told her mine has BPD, she says, oh I have that too.

I froze immediately, wasn't sure what to say. She finally asks are you okay?
I said honestly I am not sure whether to just get up and walk out now or what I should do.
She was very nice about it. She was taking meds and very stable (currently) in the end it was nice to hear about BPD from someone living with it that was honest about it.
We were friends for a while but really there was no way I was going to willing go down that road again and she knew that but we still talked a bunch for a while.
She always answered all the questions I had, I think I took it as the only closure I would ever get.

Don't feel bad for the way you feel. That is a normal response. Now you have to decide if he is worth it. For me it would not be.

Needless to say my experiences with online dating were so bad I gave up.

I'm sorry you had to deal with that, it just feels like I'm getting a second chance at walking away from the beginning, you know?.

[Dontknow88]

Bipolar I is pretty serious. Do you know what meds he is taking or when he had his last episode?

I don't know what meds he's taking but he told me his last episode was over two years ago and he's a recovering alcoholic for a year now he literally just told me that one oh gosh

[Hisaccount]

it just feels like I'm getting a second chance at walking away from the beginning, you know?.

Yes exactly, and maybe that is part of why he is in your life right now. Maybe it is a test to prove to yourself that you are in control of your life again now.

In my case I got closure. I got answers I would never get from my ex. To me it was never about having a relationship with this new person it was about someone in the same boat as my ex admitting to me that they knew what they were doing and could not control it. Or that I was not all of those horrible things that she said I was.
It was a lot of things I really needed to hear at the time.

You kind of sound like you are on the fence with him. A friend told me once, you don't have to sleep with everyone you date and you don't have to marry everyone you sleep with. Took a while to figure out what she was saying, but I get it now.

Maybe he is in your life to help you heal. You don't have to date him to be friends. You don't have to marry him to prove you are not bias against bi polar people.
 

[Dontknow88]

Yes exactly, and maybe that is part of why he is in your life right now. Maybe it is a test to prove to yourself that you are in control of your life again now.

In my case I got closure. I got answers I would never get from my ex. To me it was never about having a relationship with this new person it was about someone in the same boat as my ex admitting to me that they knew what they were doing and could not control it. Or that I was not all of those horrible things that she said I was.
It was a lot of things I really needed to hear at the time.

You kind of sound like you are on the fence with him. A friend told me once, you don't have to sleep with everyone you date and you don't have to marry everyone you sleep with. Took a while to figure out what she was saying, but I get it now.

Maybe he is in your life to help you heal. You don't have to date him to be friends. You don't have to marry him to prove you are not bias against bi polar people.
 

Right! I told him I don't mind being his friend. cause it feels like  déjà vu