Just wanting to hang out and learn...

[How to communicate after a contentious divorce...]

Not sure where to start.
It been years of walking through all this confusion, but now that we know
'what' IT is (BPD/NPD)... .it just seems so BIG.
I want to begin to hear other people's stories.  Hear their experiences and
wisdom of what they've learned.  And figure out ways to help my children (21,18, and 11)
begin their recovery.

So thank you for letting me into this arena to do that!

[Maiden7]

Not sure where to start.
It been years of walking through all this confusion, but now that we know
'what' IT is (BPD/NPD)... .it just seems so BIG.
I want to begin to hear other people's stories.  Hear their experiences and
wisdom of what they've learned.  And figure out ways to help my children (21,18, and 11)
begin their recovery.

So thank you for letting me into this arena to do that!

[Panda39]

Hi Maiden7,

Welcome to the BPD Family 

Yes, "it" finally has a name it was a relief for me too when I found something that described my significant other's (SO's) undiagnosed BPD ex-wife (uBPDxw) and you're right there is a lot to learn but don't let it overwhelm you. 

When I first found out I started my education at my local library and checked out all the books they had on the subject and read about it.

Here are a couple of good books on BPD if you want to read more about it.  I found books helped me get a good general understanding of what BPD is and helped to sort out the chaos that I was seeing.

Stop Walking on Eggshells: Taking Your Life Back When Someone You Care About Has Borderline Personality Disorder by: Paul Mason Randi Kreger

Overcoming Borderline Personality Disorder: A Family Guide for Healing and Change
by: Valerie Porr

Can you tell us a little bit more about you and what you are having issues with in terms of your kids?  How can we help?

Panda39

[kells76]

Hi Maiden7, panda said it all very well welcome to a group of people who have also felt relieved to put a description to some really tough behaviors. I still feel "new" here so you're in good company!

My husband aka DH has 2 girls SD (stepdaughter) 11 years old & SD9. DH & I have had a really good marriage counselor for a few years which has been a HUGE help, I highly recommend finding a counselor for yourself. It's made an even bigger difference for the kids, especially for SD11, to have their own counselor. This only happened after 6 months of legal shenanigans but if that's what it takes, I really recommend getting a counselor for the kids too. Tip: find (or agree to) one who is in a group practice (i.e. maybe has a supervisor); that way they're less likely to get snowed by BPDx's behaviors.

Lived & Learned will probably recommend a book called (I think) The Power of Validation. It is geared for parents of kids up through high school but it should be applicable to any age.

That's the nutshell version; again, welcome! You are definitely not alone in this.