Hi!
I'd like to join Incadove in welcoming you.
I've been working hard on improving my communication skills with my adult son for the last 21 months. It's been a big learning curve for me and I am improved, not perfect though!
The basic idea is for me DS to FEEL that he's understood and loved. So validation is key. The way we interact is better than it was and at least he answers texts and calls now.
It starts with me listening most of the time. Showing real and genuine empathy about their situation and how they feel. Setting aside how I feel about it. I'm more open hearted and I'm warmer. Their problem, not mine, but I'm there to always listen to help him share himself.
Here's a few links that may help but I'm conscious of you already knowing:
https://bpdfamily.com/parenting/02.
Do you use validation with your daughter? If so then moving onwards to SET may help you
https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=143695.0Do you think these help?
If not then please get back to us. It's difficult to know from one post what specifically can help in a practical way.
Hugs to you. It sounds like you been through the mill and then back again. It's exhausting.
LP