Poll: What was the age gap in your BPD relationship?

[fred2016]

Mine was 27 years younger and is now dating someone 41 years older than her.  I am sure she is looking for a Father figure - someone who will take all the responsibility, pay all the bills, while she lives her life like a teenage daughter. 

[chillamom]

Think I "win" the age gap here - diagnosed exBPD/NPD man was 28 years younger than me.  I thought the "impossible"  aspect of it was incredibly romantic, actually I was incredibly stupid.  We started when he was 22 and I was 50.  Obviously he had a LOT of issues with his mother and I had a lot of issues with aging.

[brilntdsgz]

My BPD friend has almost always had much older romantic relationships ( I am many years  older than him) But he tends to have the mindset of someone much younger (he is 37 and hangs out with 19/20 year olds). Actually now that I think about it  he tends to cycle through who he spends time with - eventually he will recognize the immaturity of the "friends" and will go back to one of his older friends.
But there are very few peers in his life. 

[Angel3287]

Hey there,

My ex was 19 years older than me but always dating guys much younger - at least 15 years younger. I think he did because a) he could relate to them better b) they would tolerate his craziness more c) he could control them better with his wealth and resources etc...

No matter what the case, it's a sad existence for them... .even if they are blind to it.

[zeus123]

Age? I don't think a borderline cares how old you are or how you look like. Primarily in a relationship the borderline look for narcissistic supply, so you are just a piece of meat or an accessory that is required.

[foggydew]

Half my age, and I was not the oldest of past contacts. The immaturity was/is obvious.

[Skip]

How can we tag the age gap as unhealthiness on our ex-partners part - are we not equally responsible?

There are inequities in many of these relationships. Youth, money, looks, athleticism, maturity, married/single, etc.

There is a reason for it. But to understand it, you have to look at both sides contribution. When a married person gets involved with a single person is a good example - is only one partner making this decision?

Remember, we're here to learn how to do things better going forward and part of that is getting down to the hard truth of our role in what happened in our relationship.

[toomanydogs]

 Wow. Just one more piece of evidence that, in my opinion, the primary diagnosis for my H should be BPD.

  I am 24 years older. The thing that pisses me off is that he told me all that crap about not getting along with people his own age, also people from his same socioeconomic background. (Everyone needed to have less money & education).

Being an academic and a writer and editor, there was no way I was going to match him economically. But education? I'm way more educated.

Feeling kind of pissy this morning.

I told him a few years ago that if he kept pushing me into a Mom role that it would destroy sexual intimacy. And now his complaint? No sex.

Sigh. Excuse me, but H: You got what you friggin' deserved.

TMD

[happendtome]

Wow, im surprised to read all these answers. I was expecting something like this, but to read all this is still surprising. From history, I have dated myself also a woman who has been lot older than me, but i never thought about subject like we would get married. No, it was more like a friendship and FWB stuff.

Now, my BPDex recently got married to NPD/BPD who is some 10 years younger than my ex. From my ex part i think she did it because she found that maybe she could control my replacement. He has no job, he is drunk driver, drug user etc. So obviously he dont want to give up his provider. Time will show. I think they are both crazy.

But i want to ask why, if there has been such a big age gap, you have considered to live together or get married? Why have you taken this step?

[Hisaccount]

I have to throw a wrench in the works here. I am currently dating a wonderful, mentally healthy woman that is 16 years younger than me. Probably for completely different messed up reasons.

But my BPDx was 10 years younger than me. With all of the learning and reading I did. First she said she was always attracted to older men, but I think it is more about the maturity and stability. They are looking for a good strong person to attached to. Someone who they see as morally just.

Of course basically so they can leech off of our soul for many years, but still you get the idea.

[foggydew]

I don't think a large age gap itself is an indicator, but the dynamics of such a relationship are interesting. It does show readiness to enter into a possibly unstable relationship. On both sides.

[BPD Dilemna]

I'm 10 years older than my ex-pwBPDgf.  My replacement was 12 years older than her.  His replacement was 10 years older than her.  Definitely a pattern.

[Mutt]

I'm 8 years older than my uBPDexw and I'm 11 years older than my current girlfriend.