Is this relation n all things related to that become part of our Persona

[How to communicate after a contentious divorce...]

He gave me the best monent in my life but he is one who gave worst n hard time in my life... it is very hard for the mind n heart... they both fluctuate between extreme memories... so is it lifetime?will this become part of our personality?

[Vent]

He gave me the best monent in my life but he is one who gave worst n hard time in my life... it is very hard for the mind n heart... they both fluctuate between extreme memories... so is it lifetime?will this become part of our personality?

[Harley Quinn]

Hi vent,

I've often described my BPD r/s as both my best and worst r/s in one.  It will certainly become part of our history.  Our life story.  We can take from it what we choose to and carry forward with us the lessons we have learned, therefore improving upon our past selves if we desire to.  Will it become part of our personality?  I guess that is a choice.  Can you be specific about how you see it doing that with yourself?  :)o you find that your behaviour is affected by your experience?  

Love and light x

[Vent]

Hi vent,

I've often described my BPD r/s as both my best and worst r/s in one.  It will certainly become part of our history.  Our life story.  We can take from it what we choose to and carry forward with us the lessons we have learned, therefore improving upon our past selves if we desire to.  Will it become part of our personality?  I guess that is a choice.  Can you be specific about how you see it doing that with yourself?  :)o you find that your behaviour is affected by your experience?  

Love and light x
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Hi Harley Quinn,
Thank u for reply
I spend 6 years with him... it's almost like live-in relationship... there are plenty of things which are influenced by him... when I am seeing or doing dat I missing or hating him badly... can not be neutral.so for me it's really hard to do daily activities also... the way he criticized me is actually too bad but I am used to this also n I jst get thought if he will  here what he will say... movies,places,food like this lot of things related to this remind whole story... I am unable to connect to things,people n myself also... I am not okay with me...

[Harley Quinn]

Ah, the constant memories everywhere.  That's really tough.  I found myself changing my environment - sort of refreshing my home a little with new items of furniture here and there, fixing things that needed repair, changing things around a bit and that seemed to help.  A lot of things will bring back memories from 6 years I'm sure.  In time, you will find that you're able to look back and appreciate the good memories without getting stuck in them and feeling down about the loss.  Grief takes time and the only way out is through.  Are you seeing a therapist?  Feeling not OK with yourself is a hard thing to handle and talking to someone - even a close friend or relative - can certainly help.  Don't forget we're here for you if you need to get things off your chest.  Hang in there.  Try to remember to do the things you enjoy and perhaps it is time to consider doing something a little different for a short while, just to shake things up a little?  Being bombarded with the things that you did together cannot happen when you are doing something new that is just about you, such as an interest you haven't yet explored.

Love and light x

[Vent]

Hi Harly Quinn
By reading others posts,lessons n writing here gives me insight n some relief... I am feeling i am with right family... yes,i am seeing therapist.
Reading some books... u are correct the way out this is the process which is painful but one has to pass through this... I jst want to be myself.dnt want carry away with things...