Facebook and the BPD brain

[Tired_Dad]

I have found that my spouse is heavily addicted to Facebook, yet completely unable to understand that everything posted there is not about or to her.

I also see that every female that is a "friend" with me on Facebook is seen as a direct threat to her and is often referred to as "why is the whore liking pictures on your page" or "why is this whore coming up as someone I should be friends with?".

I have stopped trying to explain algorithms to her and I will not remove friends from my account because of her and I have stopped explaining to her how any of it works anymore or who any of the people are. Eventually when I officially start divorce proceedings I will have to block her, but in the current status of the relationships I find it less triggering to her to leave it alone.

[Lost-love-mind]

My exBPD hated FB. Would not allow me to use her name in photos I posted (maybe another guy ?) and her FB was innocuous without posting except POTUS and Infowars.
My exBPD was a complete introvert. You maybe describe the extrovert version of BPD.
Check out the distinction.

[Tired_Dad]

beezle,

That fits a bit of what I see from her. She hates it and can't put it down all at the same time. She has a heavily curated page mostly of selfies and of those motivational poster type sayings (which I truly wish she would listen to). What is blowing my mind today is that my son and I returned from a Cub Scout camping trip and was absolutely pissed that I was tagged in a post from one of the other parents (along with the 7 others that were there) as she put up pictures on our group page. Got the whole "I thought you told me not to associate with her... " or "she's just white trash ___" and other insults at this person because they had the audacity to tag me in a photo.

Tired of it, tired of the paranoia, and just wish that I could somehow get her to realize that every woman on Facebook is not trying to sleep with me and that when I am on my phone it is more for playing games to shut my brain off.

[Lost-love-mind]

White trash?
Pleasant name calling.
After my r/s was over the exBPD just went off on name calling me and my family history.
Try to ignore it and keep your sanity. If you buy into her attitude, she wins.
I made so many mistakes in continuing contact with someone that personalityv went from sweetheart to a conduit of the devil.
Hopefully we can get some more feedback.

[WitzEndWife]

My uBPDh is pretty heavily involved in social media in general (FB, Twitter, IG, YouTube). I feel that he uses it as an outlet for his rage. He likes to make trollish comments on articles (which I see, every time, and don't approve of). We've had tons of fights over his online persona, because I don't like seeing his comments. My friends and family see them too, and that's embarrassing. They ask me what's wrong with him. I have no answers (except my parents and closest friends know what's really going on).

He likes to start arguments and post controversial articles. It seems like he's most interested in commenting on or posting articles that oppose my POV or those of my parents (they're enemies #2). I think for some BPDs it's a way to channel their feelings without having to deal with the emotional blowback.

[Tired_Dad]

WitzEnd,

Do you find that there is a kind of release after he rages on social media? If so it may be interesting to stop commenting or showing any negative interest on his posts and see if this can vent rage out of your home instead of into. I see how it can be embarrassing to have all those behaviors and comments on the surface but they are his behaviors and not yours and they reflect on him not on you.

My spouse does not vent or even really say anything controversial on FaceBook. Lots of pictures and sharing of random motivational saying that I wish she would follow. Mostly the issues that come up are from her perception that FaceBook is reality and that she gets upset at so many things on line that it's ridiculous. I can't even count how many times she would be on her phone playing on line before getting out of bed and enter into her day completely pissed off (and say that she isn't and that's my "perception" of her) over her online or texting interactions.

[WitzEndWife]

WitzEnd,

Do you find that there is a kind of release after he rages on social media? If so it may be interesting to stop commenting or showing any negative interest on his posts and see if this can vent rage out of your home instead of into. I see how it can be embarrassing to have all those behaviors and comments on the surface but they are his behaviors and not yours and they reflect on him not on you.

My spouse does not vent or even really say anything controversial on FaceBook. Lots of pictures and sharing of random motivational saying that I wish she would follow. Mostly the issues that come up are from her perception that FaceBook is reality and that she gets upset at so many things on line that it's ridiculous. I can't even count how many times she would be on her phone playing on line before getting out of bed and enter into her day completely pissed off (and say that she isn't and that's my "perception" of her) over her online or texting interactions.

Yeah, I should probably just let it go at this point. I can't control him.

Women and men are different when it comes to BPD, according to my therapist. She said that men are somewhat easier to deal with because they are just angry. Women are much more complex apparently. So, when it comes ot having a venting outlet, it might be something they need. I just get concerned that some of these political echo chambers and anger outlets might lead to something more dangerous, but I'm going to see what happens. It's best to try to occupy my social media space with positive stuff to combat it!

[PeteWitsend]

My wife definitely falls into the "extrovert BPD" type.  she's obsessed with FB... .needs to keep in touch with everyone she's ever known, gossip, compare hersefl to friends, etc. 

we've actually gone back and forth on it, after she requested we delete both our accounts, then gradually getting back on it herself, as described below:

after about a year & 1/2 of marriage, the FB-related issues got a little worse; she would make snide comments or subject me to an inquisition on the rare occasion a female who was not family liked one of my posts or pictures. she finally requested we both get off the site, since she felt she was too obsessed with it, and it was making her miserable.  i was okay with this, b/c I hate facebook, targeted advertising, and its sketchy privacy practices as a matter of principle. plus I didn't really feel like I was losing anything.  if I wanted to hear about someone, I could call them and talk to them.

after about another year, she said she had to make an account to take part in a mom-group to set up playdates, take part in activities, etc.  she initially made this a mutual "Pete & the Mrs." account.  then she claimed "no one knew it (the mutual account) was her" so old friends couldn't find her... .so it became her own account again. 

now she's on it all the time... .gossiping, arguing with other moms, doing some actually pretty catty stuff from her descriptions of it, posting "isn't my family so perfect" kinda pics and comments, or motivational poster kinda crap.  ugh. 

[Tired_Dad]

she finally requested we both get off the site, since she felt she was too obsessed with it, and it was making her miserable. 

This is a fight I refuse to have with my spouse. I can never understand how if she is miserable doing something it means that I have to do the same.

I primarily use Facebook to keep in touch with people that are largely geographically separated from me and to follow many odd history based feeds that I enjoy reading. She can't wrap her head around this and can't grasp that I skip over most people's passive aggressive posts or cat pictures.