2 years later and she STILL bashes me on FB.

[Family Court Strategies: When Your Partner Has BPD OR NPD Traits.]

Hey all,

It’s been some time since I’ve been here and I have to attest that “Time does heal all wounds”. It’s been almost 2 years since the discard. I’ve been in full “no contact” for over 13 months now. I’m in a much better place now, than I’ve been in years, thanks to the work I put into myself. From my emotional maturity to the way I treat the people around me, the entire experience has truly made me a better person.

Which is why I’m saddened to learn that she STILL bashes me on social media almost TWO YEARS LATER. Since we have some mutual friends, I hear about her posts about me every now and then. Usually, I laugh them off. But this time around, I feel a ton of disappointment that she still can’t let this go. It’s odd and strange and almost kind of pathetic.

So here I am, back, and asking the BPDFam for some input and reasoning. I know I’m trying to apply logic where logic doesn’t exist. But, what drives a person to bash someone they left two years ago? I’ve never seen anything like this in my 39 years.

[Dhand77]

Hey all,

It’s been some time since I’ve been here and I have to attest that “Time does heal all wounds”. It’s been almost 2 years since the discard. I’ve been in full “no contact” for over 13 months now. I’m in a much better place now, than I’ve been in years, thanks to the work I put into myself. From my emotional maturity to the way I treat the people around me, the entire experience has truly made me a better person.

Which is why I’m saddened to learn that she STILL bashes me on social media almost TWO YEARS LATER. Since we have some mutual friends, I hear about her posts about me every now and then. Usually, I laugh them off. But this time around, I feel a ton of disappointment that she still can’t let this go. It’s odd and strange and almost kind of pathetic.

So here I am, back, and asking the BPDFam for some input and reasoning. I know I’m trying to apply logic where logic doesn’t exist. But, what drives a person to bash someone they left two years ago? I’ve never seen anything like this in my 39 years.

[Lucky Jim]

Hey Dhand77, I can relate.  It's been seven years since my BPDxW and I parted ways, yet she continues to disparage me at every opportunity.  I am LC with my Ex, as we have kids together.  Like you, I don't see the point after we were formally divorced four years ago, but she can't let go of her negative feelings towards me.  It's beyond my control, so I don't worry about it.  When in doubt, suggest you consult the Serenity Prayer.

LuckyJim

[CottonClouds]

BPD or not, when people bash others on social media it has very little to with the people they bash.

I know that sounds strange, but it actually makes the most sense the harder you think about it. Take a bully for example, when they are mean to others they are simply projecting their own shortcomings onto others. Sometimes this is very obvious, like if they call someone a name that pretty much fits them, and it makes their bullying less effective since it seems that they are taking their own insecurities out on others. Some bullies are more discreet about the words they use to hurt others to appear more confident, but when it comes down to the facts, people who bash others are simply hurting and they have a void in themselves that they are not able to fix yet, and instead the pain comes outward since they cannot handle it all directed at themsleves.

My guess is that she feels very alone and abandoned after the break up, and this is causing most of the bitterness, but she felt abandoned before she knew you. So this is not personal even though it appears to be so. 

If you could ask the mutual friends to not tell you what she says about you that could bring you more peace, good luck and I am happy you are mostly NC with the exception of the mutual friends.

[once removed]

So here I am, back, and asking the BPDFam for some input and reasoning.

can you give us some specifics? what is she saying in these posts?

[Skip]

What was said? How often is this happening?

[Lucky Jim]

when it comes down to the facts, people who bash others are simply hurting and they have a void in themselves that they are not able to fix yet, and instead the pain comes outward since they cannot handle it all directed at themsleves.

Agreed, CottonClouds.  Presumably my Ex continues to feel the pain and turmoil within, because she continues to express it as anger directed outwards.  LJ

[Mutt]

Hi Dhand77,

But this time around, I feel a ton of disappointment that she still can’t let this go. It’s odd and strange and almost kind of pathetic.

A pwBPD don't grieve a r/s like you or I they have attachment issues, they attach quickly and they completely detach. I can see how it's sad that she's denigrating you two years after the break-up but it's a part of the disorder.

I'm just speculating but if she's bashing you on social media ( drama ), she's casting you in the persecutor role and casting herself as victim, she probably has some family members and friends that are cast as rescuers. Triangulation is not synonymous with BPD, it's all around us, good and bad triangulation a pwBPD will usually cast themselves as victims and on some occasions rescuer, if you look closely you'll see this pattern.