He left me, couldn't take it anymore

[onlyforever]

Hello. I've searched all over the internet to find a page like this, where someone might have some advice for me... .I feel so alone.

My boyfriend left me a week ago. He said he couldn't take it anymore, I was too much for him. (I'm the one with the diagnosis.) And I understand, I was being horrible to him. However, he promised me he would at least give me a warning if he was going to leave, but he didn't. He left in a really good period, out of the blue. I'm struggling so hard with this breakup. I can't sleep, I can't take care of myself, I barely eat or go out of bed, it takes everything in me not to call or text him. He was my everything and still is.

But all hope is not lost. He told me we maybe could find our way back to each other in the future. At first he said "maybe in a few years." But I negotiated and we made a deal to meet in a month. I'm just so scared that his life is better without me, and that's what he wanted to find out. If he could live better without me. And of course he does that, nobody wants a clingy, moody ___ like me. The problems we had were his past, because he had been with so many girls and I was soo jealous. In a few years there is no way he hasn't been with girls that's not me. So the problem would be even bigger if he had been out and about around again. Do you think he is giving me false hope? Should I give up? He said he needed some time alone and I respect that, but I just hope... .

[RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING]

RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members are welcomed to express frustration but must seek constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[Harley Quinn]

Hi onlyforever and welcome 

I'm very sorry to hear that you feel isolated in this painful situation you are facing and it's good that you're reaching out for help and support.  It's very brave of you to put yourself out there and admit what you are doing about your behaviours that have affected your ex and if you retain that honesty, respect his boundaries and have a willingness to work on things then who knows. 

This support group is for friends, family members, partners and ex partners of people who suffer with BPD and therefore the boards can be a triggering place for you.  We do have some recommended resources however for those who are diagnosed with BPD, where you can find other sufferers, information, help and advice.  I hope you find this helpful and wish you all the best with your current situation and the future.



Love and light x

[dazedandconfuzed]

Hey, so sorry to hear about you and your guy. This is seriously a brave move and the ability to reflect on both what you did to cause problems as well as his responses to them. Your best bet for the time being is to not worry about him being with someone else, just focus on developing yourself the best you can - goto the gym, get yourself into a routine, take care of yourself, spend time with friends.

We're all here for you

[dazedandconfuzed]

Also, you don't have to overwhelm him, but a heartfelt apology can go a long way. Especially if you couple it with some kind of token of your seriousness to address the problems. Maybe get him his favorite drink or snack and apologize. Show thoughtfulness and effort. Nothing big or over the top, just something that shows how much you've paid attention to him and his needs as well. If my BPD ex was even capable of doing something like this it would have gone a very long way in patching some things up.