Recycle

[dazedandconfuzed]

So I get a message at midnight - are you still up. I wasn't but am on call for work so have to respond to messages and she contacted me on my work account. So in my half asleep state not thinking I reply:

Yes, whats up.

Silence, ok back to bed

Half an hour later:
I'm scared.

ok, what's wrong.

35 minutes later:
noises, sounds like someone is outside, dogs barking, please help.

So I go over at 2am - yea I really shouldnt have. She has me spend the night because she's terrified. I do. The next morning we're late getting to work and stop to grab breakfast because its never a good thing if she's hangry. While eating - that was awful, I shouldn't have done it. It was my moment of weakness. I never want to see you again. Storms off. I'm like hey whats wrong? Insert rant about how I deserve her treating me like she did. I leave and head to my job. Blocked by the time I get to my desk.

Seriously. You're welcome.

ok rant over.

[g2outfitter]

My version... .

So I'm at work.  I look up and she is standing in my office unannounced.  I ask, what are you doing here?  She replies... ."I miss you and I wanted to come see you.  I want to see your apartment (because a week earlier I had to move out of our house) and then go have lunch".

We go by my apartment (yeah, I shouldn't have) and she talks about how she wants to come by later and help me decorate.  Keep in mind, I am in this apartment because after 20 months together she suddenly "needed space".

Halfway through a very enjoyable lunch she gets quiet.  I ask, what is wrong?  She looks at me and says... ."you're never going to give me my space are you!  Nothing has changed... .it's like we're still together".  She gets up and storms out of the restaurant.

What just happened?

[Lucky Jim]

Is it possible that you guys are seeing the same woman?  Just kidding!   

Seriously, you both know what it's like in a BPD r/s, yet you both had expectations that things would turn out differently this time.  It's just that sort of thinking that kept me married to my BPDxW for 16 years.

Why do we continue to harbor fantasies that things are going to turn around and go back to the "good old days" when all evidence points to the contrary?  I recycled plenty of times, based on the premise that things would be different.  They weren't, yet that didn't stop me from doing it all over again.

LuckyJim

[zeus123]

Guys that's why only strict NO CONTACTS works and nothing else does. You don't understand how impaired these people are.

[g2outfitter]

You're right LJ... .nothing changed for me and it will be the same for the new guy, and the next new guy, and the next new guy, and the... .

You are also right Zeus... .NC is the only correct path. This happened to me before I ever heard of BPD... .before I realized just how impaired she really was.

[blueblue12]

Nothing changed for me either, one recycle and it was rather quick. It is so hard to be in there, you just can’t rely on one’s perception of a restart, my ex changed so quickly, from loving to dettached/distant, you just can’t trust it. She also missed me crazily, needed to see me, then once we got together went quiet again. And I hated been around her like that, it was awful. Now I do feel like I know better and do not want that get involved again. Not a good life.

[itgetsbetter94]

I break up with him and send him home after he over night comes to realisation that he doesn't love me.
He calls me 20+ times and sends 10+ messages about how sorry he his, how much he loves me, how much he wants to make it all better and treat me like he used to. Promises upon promises.
I take him back.
The very next day- the same song "I don't know why I don't love you anymore, it's as if someone took all the nice memories and positive feelings from me". I showed him all the freaking messages he wrote me the night before. His reaction "Yell, I DO want to love you, I'll try!". But he doesn't all in all. That was the first and the last time BPD reared its ugly head. I didn't stay long after that, maybe for a few days, giving him the benefit of the doubt.
I shouldn't have given him even those few extra days, each next day was worse than other.

[dazedandconfuzed]

Yes exactly, its really just a function of me wanting her to act a specific way, and thinking she will.