Looking into this after recent Internet ,connection .

[How to communicate after a contentious divorce...]

Hi I recently had long distance correspondence ( 4 months)with a girl that I think has these traits we never met in person but it was realy intense and when she pulled the plug it left me with my head spinning and feeling more ___ than any physical relaishionship I have ever had ,it started with talking about common interests then for me giving her support with a recent bereavement in the first couple of days she told me she loved me but wasn't ,in love with me and wasn't a bunny boiler .,because we had never met she would then message me ,phone me and eventually FaceTime me all the time we would talk for hrs sometimes because she reckons I was her main source of support ,although ,we had only met online ,she was realy good looking and I realy fancied her so went that extra mile in listening to her ,she seamed alwys depressed and moody or highly sexual when not hungover thing is I started to feel realy drained from the correspondence we even talked about me going to her country to meet ,she was real honest with me and told me she had had lots of relaishionship and was no good at them she was a perfectionist had low self esteem and had a acholic mother and unsupportive farther ,,,all in the first week ,she was always highly emotional crying her eyes out to me on the phone she would mention different exs in conversations all the time and when I mentioned I found this a bit weird because we started talking about meeting 'along with me saying I need some time put because it was getting real intense (she was in constant contact at least twice a day )she went real weird to the point of being unbelievably upset and in her words ,shut me out ,two days later she messaged me matter of fact saying she didnt want to carry on and she had come to her senses because of the distance so it went from intense can't living without me to dropping me she seamed to get massively emotional when I told her I wanted some time out,,,it had got so intense I was gutted ,,she told me ten days after she had been away for the weekend with a freind ,,,whole thing left me fried .does this sound like BPD

[Yamo]

Hi I recently had long distance correspondence ( 4 months)with a girl that I think has these traits we never met in person but it was realy intense and when she pulled the plug it left me with my head spinning and feeling more ___ than any physical relaishionship I have ever had ,it started with talking about common interests then for me giving her support with a recent bereavement in the first couple of days she told me she loved me but wasn't ,in love with me and wasn't a bunny boiler .,because we had never met she would then message me ,phone me and eventually FaceTime me all the time we would talk for hrs sometimes because she reckons I was her main source of support ,although ,we had only met online ,she was realy good looking and I realy fancied her so went that extra mile in listening to her ,she seamed alwys depressed and moody or highly sexual when not hungover thing is I started to feel realy drained from the correspondence we even talked about me going to her country to meet ,she was real honest with me and told me she had had lots of relaishionship and was no good at them she was a perfectionist had low self esteem and had a acholic mother and unsupportive farther ,,,all in the first week ,she was always highly emotional crying her eyes out to me on the phone she would mention different exs in conversations all the time and when I mentioned I found this a bit weird because we started talking about meeting 'along with me saying I need some time put because it was getting real intense (she was in constant contact at least twice a day )she went real weird to the point of being unbelievably upset and in her words ,shut me out ,two days later she messaged me matter of fact saying she didnt want to carry on and she had come to her senses because of the distance so it went from intense can't living without me to dropping me she seamed to get massively emotional when I told her I wanted some time out,,,it had got so intense I was gutted ,,she told me ten days after she had been away for the weekend with a freind ,,,whole thing left me fried .does this sound like BPD

[Harley Quinn]

Hi Yamo and welcome 

Firstly I'd like to say that it sounds like it's good that you found the site, as this place is a source of reliable information on BPD without any of the urban myths that can so frequently occupy the internet.  So I'd advise you to have a good read of the articles here and see if the behaviours you experienced can begin to make sense to you.  Although we can't diagnose here, it does sound like there are some traits that would fit with a pwBPD.  Namely the intense lovebombing and wanting things to move fast in the r/s.  Also the discard after you requested space, as BPD is an attachment disorder.  A sufferer will struggle with fear of abandonment and from what you describe of her reaction to your need to cool things off a little it suggests that she was feeling rejected by you and decided to exit the r/s before you could in her perception abandon her. 

I'd encourage you to read other posts here and you will see that others have had similar experiences and even those whose experience differs, there can be commonalities.  A great article which may help you to gain perspective is this one on How a borderline relationship evolves.  When you read this, does any of this behaviour seem to fit with what you experienced?  How are you feeling about things right now?

Keep posting and let us know how best we can support you.

Love and light x

[Mutt]

Hi Yamo,



I'd like to join Harley Quinn and welcome you to the family, I'm glad that you decided to join us, we'll it certainly sounds like she has problems. I think that that you're feeling drained because she's not reciprocating in the r/s, it's a one sided r/s.

she was always highly emotional crying her eyes out to me on the phone she would mention different exs in conversations all the time and when I mentioned I found this a bit weird because we started talking about meeting 'along with me saying I need some time put because it was getting real intense (she was in constant contact at least twice a day )

I think that intuitively you know that she's trouble. What does your gut tell you?

[Yamo]

well its been a month since I posted this and I feel as bad as ever ,was in contact with her a while back and was talking and then just ghosted me completely ignored me after my last message ,I asked her mate on Facebook if their was something more up with her than just grieving for her dad she had just lost and she said no ,this is the same mate though that when I met the girl in question said "you have been warned "telling me she was emotionally "high maintenance" and that the friend had tried to "hint "to me at the start of our contact.ive never been so depressed and drained after contact with a woman she has completely stolen my mojo .

[Yamo]

forgot to mention towards the end was talking to her on Skype and she almost burst through the screen and told me too "get my arse over to her country"then asked me in future to leave the Skype on so we could watch each other sleeping ,,,that's a bit strange init