The apology... and then a serious accident

[Powers76]

Long story short, I received the apology I deserved 6 months later by my BPD ex boyfriend who dumped me for another, cut me off cold turkey. It was typical BPD relationship of one year. Literally I held the moon and stars one day and the next devalued discarded. His family and myself were in shock. The new flame was a disaster waiting to happen. So no contact most of the 6 months apart. Then it happened, out of the blue, the confessional. The owning all the bad behavior, all the mistakes, all the regrets, and how his wronging of me was "eating him alive" heavy on his chest. He's sorry and has regretted ruining our relationship all along but didn't know how to stop or how to talk to me, he really really missed me. I fell for it hook line and sinker. The next day I asked him to hang out, but he was "busy". I feel certain he was honest and sincere in his apology. It's crazy making thou after such intimate conversation and apology to distance himself again. I care deeply for him but also know I need bubble wrap around my heart with him. How do I engage him and keep my sanity? I know it sounds crazy but I miss him and would like to figure out how to navigate his push/pull... .I never thought he would actually own his crap and apologize for putting me thru hell but he did... .Now what I still love him... .Not sure if I posted on the right board.

[RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING]

RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members are welcomed to express frustration but must seek constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[once removed]

hi Powers76,

let things happen naturally over time. hanging out immediately following an apology could be going from 0-60, and he may have felt so as well.

have you had any contact since?

[Powers76]

He ended up in a bad accident. His mom called me and I sat with her during 5 hour surgery. I got there prior to surgery to wish him well and he was pissed she called me. No other visitors. Came out of surgery pissed. Of course pain and heavy sedation played a huge factor. I'm not taking it personal. I was there for me too if he died I would have felt badly. He got long recovery. I'm not calling or texting he has lot of healing to do. He knows I'm here for support.

[Skip]

Wow, that's awful. I hope he fully recovers.

I think once removed is right, its best to let him take the lead in the beginning. Don't get over your skis.

A serious accident changes things... .and complicates them. I think the best thing is to be upbeat and let him lead. You can text and say, I was thinking of stopping by the afternoon - are you up for a visitor today? If he reacts badly, wish him well, wait a day, offer again. If he rejects again, wait two.

Be there, but let him lead.

This is not a easy tie for anyone and its really easy for a trauma relationship to form. I strongly recommend staying connected her on a day to day basis.

[Powers76]

Yes you are absolutely correct. I actually did a simple "thinking of you hang in there" and he was receptive and friendly. I left it at that. Thanks everyone for such great feedback- love & light