Official BPD break-up song?

[truthbeknown]

I mentioned this on another post but i'm taking a survey to see how many people on here think this should be our Official BPD break-up song?

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=J_ub7Etch2U

Sam Smith: Too Good AT Goodbyes

Also I watch this everytime i'm feeling down:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Pketb6gxR3w

(i'm not even religious but this is powerful!)

[Wolfsocks]

The song fits not for me personally but probably for many other people.

My breakup song is "Set Fire to the Rain":

But there's a side to you
That I never knew, never knew
All the things you'd say
They were never true, never true
And the games you play
You would always win, always win

And "In the End" also works:

In spite of the way you were mocking me
Acting like I was part of your property
Remembering all the times you fought with me
I'm surprised it got so
Things aren't the way they were before
You wouldn't even recognize me anymore
Not that you knew me back then
But it all comes back to me in the end
You kept everything inside
And even though I tried, it all fell apart
What it meant to me will eventually be a memory of a time when

I tried so hard
And got so far
But in the end
It doesn't even matter
I had to fall
To lose it all
But in the end
It doesn't even matter

[truthbeknown]

I wonder if song writers who write break up songs dated BPD people?

those are good ones too.  There are so many songs but Sam's just hit home for me because this has happened before and i guess i'm getting good at goodbyes even though I don't want to!

[SummerStorm]

"The Night We Met" by Lord Huron - It's about reflecting on a bad relationship in general, not necessarily one with a pwBPD, but I think it works.

"Take me back to the night we met / And then I can tell myself / What the hell I'm supposed to do / And then I can tell myself/Not to ride along with you"

I think that line reflects what many of us think: "I wish I knew now what I'd known then.  I wish I could go back and tell myself, 'That's a red flag.  :)on't ignore it!'"

"I had all and then most of you / Some and now none of you"

I think this reflects the patterns of a BPD relationship, in that the pwBPD often mourns the end of the relationship before it's ended, leaving us to think, "But just yesterday, I was 'the one.'  Now, he/she won't even talk to me."  I think this also reflects the push/pull dynamic.  After being split black or being devalued, the relationship may temporarily return to happy times, but we will never have "all of them" ever again, if we ever even truly had them begin with.  

"I don't know what I'm supposed to do / Haunted by the ghost of you / Oh, take me back to the night we met"

And finally, I think this really reflects the "lost" feeling many of us have experienced or are experiencing.  It also represents our conflicted feelings regarding what we should do next.  We are haunted by both the good times and the bad times.  We want to go back to when we met the person.  For those of us who are just at the beginning of the healing process, we may want to go back and do things differently.  We often think, "If I had known about BPD, maybe I could have made the relationship last."  For those of us who are further along, the interpretation of this line is what I mentioned at the beginning of my post: We want to go back and tell our past self to get out of the relationship ASAP.  

[itgetsbetter94]

Lana del Rey- Cruel world

Even in our idealisation phase, when we were driving in the car, listening to that song, I thought it was kind of about us.
Female intuition... .

[chillamom]

Another Linkin Park composition:"Waiting for the End"…"Waiting for the end to come, wishing I had strength to stand; this is not what I had planned; it's hard to let you go…"

[hope2727]

There have been several through thus journey.

Currently I'm on "Every Little Thing" by Carley Pearce

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=50R0-5gF6ig

[FlyFish]

“Idiot Wind” - Bob Dylan

Many people upon hearing this think that it is an angry/hateful song. Although it has those elements I believe this song is written in pure agony. This song will always remind me of my relationship with my BPDex and my journey of healing, especially the elements of introspectiveness towards the end... .and many of Dylan songs have these themes. Dylan songs have helped me more than my therapist has over the last 2 years.

He even uses the word “borderline” in the song. Ironic

[chillamom]

Flyfish - YES!  The last few stanzas when he sings "I've been double-crossed now for the very last time and now I'm finally free; I kiss goodbye the howling beast on the borderline that separated you from me…". Powerful stuff.  Actually the whole "Blood on the Tracks" album is full of that kind of bitterness and pain. Very purging.

[limetaste]

The Smashing Pumpkins - Soma: https://youtu.be/60J6HlvfePM

"Wrapped my hurt in you
And took my shelter in that pain
The opiate of blame
Is your broken heart, your heart"

":)idn't want to lose you once again
Didn't want to be your friend
Fulfilled a promise made of tin
And crawled back to you"

[truthbeknown]

After the no closure goodbye I remember listening to the Train song, "This ain't goodbye"
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JHdgN8t_EYw


This ain't goodbye, it's not where our story ends but I know you can't be mine; not the way you've always been... .

so many songs maybe some of us could write our own songs now?

Also, there is the old James Ingram song "Just Once".  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bcd3kN656zg

I did my best, but i guess my best wasn't good enough, cause here we are back where we were before... .

[limetaste]

Just listening to all this depressive songs I've came to a conclusion: The writer of them met a BPS-person and experienced splitting.

[truthbeknown]

Limetaste: 

maybe it makes sense: artists are usually empathic people (until success corrupts some of them) and maybe some of their mates were just using them for their potential fame or fame etc.   But I almost feel qualified to start writing some depressing break up songs.  However, since there are so many out there it makes me passive and I lose motivation. 

on my last date with my ex we were singing "can't smile without you" by barry manilow.  I guess it wasn't true for her

[Wolfsocks]

These two songs also remind me of BPD-relationships:

1. "Happy Together": https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9ZEURntrQOg

It sounds so cheerful but has such a sinister note... .I think it's about someone who thinks they are in love with another person but they are acutally delusional, obsessed and have completely over the top expectations:

I can't see me lovin' nobody but you
For all my life
When you're with me, baby the skies'll be blue
For all my life

Me and you and you and me
No matter how they toss the dice, it had to be
The only one for me is you, and you for me
So happy together


2. "Kiss from a Rose": https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=w7y19ED6Vrk

It sounds romantic and gentle but it's actually about addiction and dependence.

Baby, to me, you're like a growing addiction that I can't deny
Won't you tell me, is that healthy, baby?
But did you know that when it snows
My eyes become large and the light that you shine can be seen?

[crunchtime]

Zevon delivers again:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JZwze4qvc0g

Why'd I let you get to me again
And get me all confused
Can't I ever get it through my head
I'm only being used
Why'd I let you get to me again
Why'd I let you in
Knowing you were only gonna nail me up again

Making mad love, shadow love
Random love and abandoned love
Accidentally like a martyr
The hurt gets worse and the heart gets harder

Why'd I let you get to me again
And treat me like a fool
Sometimes I wonder if you're being deliberately cruel
Can't I ever get it through my head
And ain't it time I learned
That the greedy just get greedier
And the vulnerable get burned

Making mad love, shadow love
Random love and abandoned love
Accidentally like a martyr
The hurt gets worse and the heart gets harder

Why'd I give you all the love I had
To squander like you did
My friends all shook their heads and sighed
Such a naive kid
My friends all shook their heads and wished I'd find somebody else
And now I'm all alone and feeling sorry for myself

Making mad love, shadow love
Random love and abandoned love
Accidentally like a martyr
The hurt gets worse and the heart gets harder

[DogMan75]

In one of those moments where I was doing ok, I was at the gym and a Taylor Swift song (of all things) came on.

Knowing what little I do about Taylor Swift, coupled with a happy memory of singing it in the car with my ex and my my daughter, I teared up when she got to the hook.

“Say you’ll see me again, even if it’s just pretend, in your wildest dreams.”

[JWebb88]

I actually have a playlist of songs for my breakup. Each of them are perfect examples of a volatile BPD relationship. If anyone is interested, here is my track list for BPD post break up pain. I'd say "enjoy," but that word doesn't exactly fit this situation. At the very least, may these songs also help others going through this emotional hellscape as well. Take care.

BPD Breakup Playlist:

1.) The National - This Is the Last Time

Oh, when I lift you up
You feel like a hundred times yourself
I wish everybody knew
What's so great about you
Oh, but your love is such a swamp
You don't think before you jump
And I said I wouldn't get sucked in
I
This is the last time

2.) Florence + The Machine - Delilah

Now I'm dancing with Delilah and her vision is mine
(Holding on for your call)
A different kind of danger in the daylight
(I can never let go)
Took anything to cut you, I can find
(Holding on for your call)
A different kind of a danger in the daylight
(Can't you let me know?)

3.) The Kooks - Sway

Say whatever you have to say, I'll stand by you.
Do whatever you have to do, to get it out and not become a reactionary
To hurt the ones you love you know you never meant to but you do
Oh yeah you do
Be whoever you have to be, I won't judge you
Sing whatever you have to sing to get it out and not become a recluse
about your house, come out
I know you never meant to but you do
Oh but you do

4.) Placebo - Every You Every Me

Sucker love is known to swing
Prone to cling and waste these things
Pucker up for heavens sake
There's never been so much at stake
I serve my head up on a plate
It's only comfort, calling late
Cause there's nothing else to do
Every me and every you

5.) Bon Iver - Skinny Love

I told you to be patient
I told you to be fine
I told you to be balanced
I told you to be kind
Now all your love is wasted?
Then who the hell was I?
Now I'm breaking at the bridges
And at the end of all your lines

6.) Florence + The Machine - What Kind Of Man

To let me dangle at a cruel angle
Oh, my feet don't touch the floor
Sometimes you're half in and then you're half out
But you never close the door

What kind of man loves like this?
What kind of man?
What kind of man loves like this?
What kind of man?

You're a holy fool, all coloured blue
Red feet upon the floor
You do such damage, how do you manage?
Trying to crawl in back for more

And with one kiss
You inspired a fire of devotion that lasts for twenty years
What kind of man loves like this?

7.) Mumford & Sons - White Blank Page

Can you lie next to her
And give her your heart, your heart
As well as your body
And can you lie next to her
And confess your love, your love
As well as your folly

And can you kneel before the king
And say I'm clean, I'm clean
Tell me now, where was my fault
In loving you with my whole heart
Oh tell me now, where was my fault
In loving you with my whole heart

A white blank page and a swelling rage, rage
You did not think when you sent me to the brink, to the brink
You desired my attention but denied my affections, my affections

8.) Modest Mouse - Black Cadillacs

You were so true to yourself.
You were true to no one else.
Well I should put you in the ground.

I've got the time, I got the hours,
I got the days, I got the weeks.
I could say to myself
I've got the words but I can't speak.
Well I was done, done, done
With all the circ, circ, circlin' round.

I didn't die and I ain't complainin'.
I ain't blamin' you.
I didn't know that the words you said to me
Meant more to me than they ever could you?
I didn't lie and I ain't sayin'
I told the whole truth.
I didn't know that this game we were playin'
Even had a set of rules.

9.) Cold War Kids - Hang Me Up To Dry

Now hang me up to dry
You wrung me out
Too, too, too many times
Now hang me up to dry
I'm pearly like the whites
The whites of your eyes

10.) Chevelle - Closure

Had to turn,
And lay down,
You're the sting of disease,
Phase you out,
Should've seen this coming,
Go on,
Confusing this soul,
Hold my breath,
Til you rupture!

11.) Breaking Benjamin - You Fight Me

You fight me, flat on my lonely face I fell.
Finding in the end I live well.
In light of the life that I have found,
It's coming down.

I don't know what isn't real,
But it's easy
To beat me.
(Suck it in)
Life is sink or swim.
Love is blinding, no surviving.

12.) Slipknot - Snuff

Bury all your secrets in my skin
Come away with innocence and leave me with my sins
The air around me still feels like a cage
And love is just a camouflage for what resembles rage again

So if you love me let me go
And run away before I know
My heart is just too dark to care
I can't destroy what isn't there

Deliver me into my fate
If I'm alone I cannot hate
I don't deserve to have you
Ooh, my smile was taken long ago
If I can change I hope I never know

13.) A Perfect Circle - 3 Libras

Threw you the obvious and you flew with it on your back a name
In your recollection down among a million same
Difficult not to feel
a little bit disappointed and passed over
when I've looked right through to see you
naked but oblivious
and you don't see me

But I threw you the obvious just to see
If there's more behind the eyes of a fallen angel
eyes of a tragedy

Here I am expecting just a little bit too much
From the wounded but I see through it all and see you

14.) Florence + The Machine - Make Up Your Mind

Make up your mind
Let me leave or let me love you
While you've been saving your neck
I've been breaking mine for ya'
The power is on, the guillotine hums
My back's to the wall - go on, let it fall
Make up your mind
Before I make it up for you

15.) White Town - Your Woman

Just tell me what you've got to say to me
I've been waiting for so long to hear the truth
It comes as no surprise at all you see
So cut the crap and tell me that we're through

Now I know your heart, I know your mind
You don't even know you're bein' unkind
So much for all your highbrow Marxist ways
Just use me up and then you walk away
Boy, you can't play me that way

16.) Keane - Nothing In My Way

A turning tide
Lovers at a great divide
Why d'you laugh
When I know that you hurt inside?

And why'd you say
It's just another day, nothing in my way
I don't wanna go, I don't wanna stay
So there's nothing left to say
And why'd you lie
When you wanna die, when you hurt inside
Don't know what you lie for anyway
Now there's nothing left to say

17.) Jeff Buckley - Hallelujah

Baby I've been here before
I've seen this room and I've walked this floor (you know)
I used to live alone before I knew you
And I've seen your flag on the marble arch
And love is not a victory march
It's a cold and it's a broken Hallelujah

18.) Cold - Maroon 5

Cold enough to chill my bones
It feels like I don't know you anymore
I don't understand why you're so cold to me
With every breath you breathe
I see there's something going on
I don't understand why you're so cold

Are we taking time or a time out?
I can't take the in between
Asking me for space here in my house
You know how to **** with me
Acting like we're not together
After everything that we've been through
Sleeping up under the covers
How am I so far away from you?

19.) Fleetwood Mac - Dreams

Now here you go again, you say
You want your freedom
Well who am I to keep you down
It's only right that you should
Play the way you feel it
But listen carefully to the sound
Of your loneliness
Like a heartbeat drives you mad
In the stillness of remembering what you had
And what you lost, and what you had, and what you lost

Thunder only happens when it's raining
Players only love you when they're playing
Say women they will come and they will go
When the rain washes you clean, you'll know, you'll know

20.) The National - Anyone's Ghost

Didn't want to be your ghost
Didn't want to be anyone's ghost
Didn't want to be your ghost
Didn't want to be anyone's ghost
But I don't want anybody else
I don't want anybody else

You said I came close
As anyone has come
To live underwater
For more than a month
You said it was not inside my heart, it was
You said it should tear a kid apart, it does

21.) Yeah Yeah Yeahs - Soft Shock

Louder, lips speak louder
Better, back together
Still it's a shock, shock to your soft side
Summer moon
Catch your shut eyes in my room
In your room
In my room
In your room

Whats the time
Whats the day
Go and leave me
Whats the time [Repeat x2]
Whats the place
Go and leave me

22.) Coldplay - A Rush Of Blood To The Head

Honey, all the movements you're starting to make
See me crumble and fall on my face
And I know the mistakes that I made
See it all disappear without a trace
And they call as they beckon you on
They say start as you mean to go on
As you mean to go on, as you mean to go on

So meet me by the bridge, meet me by the lane
When am I gonna see that pretty face again
Meet me on the road, meet me where I said
Blame it all upon
A rush of blood to the head

23.) New Radicals - I Don't Wanna Die Anymore

Two months of fun
Two years of pain
Add it up
And get a life of rain
Need to scream
But too ashamed
It's gonna rain it's gonna rain
You wanna go you wanna stay you wanna
You really blew my world
I wanna live and there's only one way

I don't want to die anymore
I want to live it up
I don't want this high anymore
But I can't give it up
I won't live a lie anymore
I need to give you up

24.) Eisley - Smarter

And I apologize for not telling you that my halo was cut from paper
Sliced from the fibers that made up all the parts that we were together
Even though I miss you, I'm thankful
Its obvious that this war was futile
So put your hands together and clap for
The painful choice you've made 'cause it's right

I'm smarter than you
I'm smarter than you think
I'm smarter than you
I'm smarter than you think

You are the narcissist
You're everything you saw in me
(Into the sea you fell
In love with the reflection of yourself)
You are the narcissist
You're everything you saw in me
(I felt the ocean's grip
I swam away to watch you drift)
You failed to see I'm smarter than you think
I'm smarter than you think

25.) Kari Kimmel - Nothing Left To Lose

I gave my heart while it was beating
And handed it over to you
And it was so beautiful when it was needed
Now it's all messed up and left in ruins

Now everyday seems longer than the last
And all the faces come and go
But nothing heals the past

[SlyQQ]

Taylor swift who might be BPD/npd and basically admits it

blank space

really it should be the BPD anthem

[Roma]

It's sobering to realise that so much of the idea of romantic love, which ends up in songs probably derives from the kind of crazy behaviour that erupts in a relationship with one or other parties being BPD. My contribution is not a song, but I found it quite cathartic to read "Wuthering Heights" a few weeks ago in the aftermath of my breakup. Well I suppose Kate Bush did do a song of it, so maybe it counts. The wild drama of the main characters' emotions reflected for me a lot of the craziness I've been through.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BW3gKKiTvjs

Actually on watching this again Kate Bush really nails it with her lyrics:
Out on the wiley, windy moors
We'd roll and fall in green
You had a temper like my jealousy
Too hot, too greedy
How could you leave me
When I needed to possess you?
I hated you, I loved you, too
Bad dreams in the night
They told me I was going to lose the fight
Leave behind my wuthering, wuthering
Wuthering Heights
Heathcliff, it's me, I'm Cathy
I've come home, I'm so cold
Let me in through your window
Heathcliff, it's me, I'm Cathy
I've come home, I'm so cold
Let me in through your window
Ooh, it gets dark, it gets lonely
On the other side from you
I pine a lot, I find the lot
Falls through without you
I'm coming back, love
Cruel Heathcliff, my one dream
My only master
Too long I roam in the night
I'm coming back to his side, to put it right
I'm coming home to wuthering, wuthering
Wuthering Heights
Heathcliff, it's me, I'm Cathy
I've come home, I'm so cold
Let me in through your window
Heathcliff, it's me, I'm Cathy
I've come home, I'm so cold
Let me in through your window
Ooh, let me have it
Let me grab your soul away
Ooh, let me have it
Let me grab your soul away

[writeaway]

So I was listening to Pandora and Katy Perry’s HotNCold song came on, and basically sounds like it was written about a relationship with a pwBPD. Here’s a few excerpts from the lyrics:

Cause you're hot then you're cold
You're yes then you're no
You're in then you're out
You're up then you're down
You're wrong when it's right
It's black and it's white
We fight, we break up
We kiss, we make up

You, you don't really wanna stay, no
You, but you don't really wanna go-o

Someone call the doctor, got a case of a love bipolar
Stuck on a roller coaster, can't get off this ride

That’s not the whole song but you get the idea. Sound familiar?

Right now, I also feel like I relate to Kelly Clarkson’s Already Gone. Here’s an excerpt:

Remember all the things we wanted
Now all our memories, they're haunted
We were always meant to say goodbye
Even without fists held high, yeah
Never would have worked out right, yeah
We were never meant for do or die
I didn't want us to burn out
I didn't come here to hurt you now
I can't stop
I want you to know
That it doesn't matter
Where we take this road
Someone's gotta go
And I want you to know
You couldn't have loved me better
But I want you to move on
So I'm already gone
Looking at you makes it harder
But I know that you'll find another
That doesn't always make you wanna cry
Started with a perfect kiss
Then we could feel the poison set in
Perfect couldn't keep this love alive
You know that I love you so
I love you enough to let you go
I want you to know
That it doesn't matter
Where we take this road
Someone's gotta go
And I want you to know
You couldn't have loved me better
But I want you to move on
So I'm already gone
I'm already gone
I'm already gone
You can't make it feel right
When you know that it's wrong
I'm already gone
Already gone
There's no moving on
So I'm already gone
Already gone
Already gone
Already gone

[toomanydogs]

Wow. This is fun.
I'm horribly angry right now, but when I was grieving, I gravitated toward:
Black Coffee: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7d9rRNbOijc

Now that I'm angry, I gravitate to Cher, Lily Allen, Fleetwood Mac.
Cher: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_eij6Vs7FGo

Fleetwood Mac: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=p6Fdm3-dnr0
Lily Allen: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=p6Fdm3-dnr0

and CeLo Green (The "F-word" figures prominently in this: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=p6Fdm3-dnr0

Yeah, you can tell I'm angry.
TMD

[crushedagain]

"Misty Blue"

Oh, it's been such a long, long time
Looks like I'd get you off my mind
Oh, but I can't
Just the thought of you
Turns my whole world misty blue

Oh honey, just the mention of your name
Turns the flicker to a flame
Listen to me good, baby
I think of the things we used to do
And my whole world turns misty blue

Oooh baby, I should forget you
Heaven knows I tried
Baby, when I say that I'm glad we're through
Deep in my heart I know I've lied
I've lied, I've lied

Oooh honey, it's been such a long, long time
Looks like I'd get you off my mind
But I can't
Just the thought of you, my love
My whole world turns misty blue

Oooh, Oh, I can't, Oh , I can't
Oh, I can't forget you
My whole world turns misty blue
Oooh, Oh, my love
My whole world turns misty blue
Baby, baby, baby, baby
Baby, I can't forget you
My whole world turns misty blue

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HNQlhCsGIpc

[blueblue12]

This set of lyrics/song fits into the BPD experience quite well:


VERSE 1
I'm sitting here flipping through
Excuses for why I shouldn't call you
Every muscle, every fibre,
Every hair object to the very idea

I just can't put my finger on
However hard I try to slap away the halo around you
Still it lingers and abruptly
Without warning bitter memories appear

When I think on it for long enough
Of all the time we wasted on each other's love
It's a wonder that I still believe the sun is coming up tomorrow

BRIDGE/CHORUS
What was once so fine,
has been broken and burned
So I wait here in the dark,
for the light to return
Blinded, I was blinded 'til I knew only the good love survives
Blinded, 'til I understood how
only the good love survives
Only the good love survives
But you and I were wasting time
We were only wasting time

VERSE 2
All those wringing hands
And cheap ideas we could reason as failures
But to run it through again
Would only serve to do nobody no good

So let the universe decide
How we can loosen all the knots and tangled ways we came to
And resolve to never speak of it again
Oh love if only we could

When I think on it for long enough
Of all the time we wasted on each other's love
It's a wonder that I still believe the sun is coming up tomorrow

BRIDGE/CHORUS

Link:
https://youtu.be/VndwNThqolw

[Pencil sketch]

I have many songs, but the one, that describes my ex perfectly, is
Bruce Springsteen 'Secret Garden'

[truthbeknown]

I keep hearing this song recently and I imagine my ex singing this because it seems so true:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_ivt_N2Zcts

[The.u.in.us]

I have one from every BPD relationship I've had  funny thing is the pwBPD loved each song... little did I know it would become manifest destiny
Seether ... broken
Maxwell... .Changed my mind
Russ... losing control
Sheryl crow... .if it makes you happy

[Kaboodle]

I have these on repeat:

Pink Please Don't Leave
Phil Collins I Don't Care Anymore
Eurythmics Thorn in My Side
Adele Turning Tables

[lostdorothy]

The song that gets me the most is Little Big Towns "Better Man". It is interesting because Taylor Swift wrote it. I swear she has been in a BPD relationship.

"And I see the permanent damage you did to me,
Never again, I just wish that I could forget when it was magic"

I can not listen to that song with out completely losing it. I mean sobbing and unable to breathe losing it.

[blooming]

This is the last time - The National
Your love is killing me - Sharon van Etten
Do you need my love - Weyes Blood
I know - Sharon van Etten
You know me well - Sharon van Etten (basically here whole 'Are We There' album actually)
Sorrow - The National
What is this thing called love - Editors
The other side of Mt. Heart Attack - Liars

[blooming]

The song that gets me the most is Little Big Towns "Better Man". It is interesting because Taylor Swift wrote it. I swear she has been in a BPD relationship.

"And I see the permanent damage you did to me,
Never again, I just wish that I could forget when it was magic"

I can not listen to that song with out completely losing it. I mean sobbing and unable to breathe losing it.

Wow those lyrics are crazily accurate!