Hi flash101,
Just want to post what happened to me recently, I frankly didn't know if my ex-gf have personality disorders or anything but upon reading, I noticed similarities.
We’re not professionals and can’t diagnose. What we can look at are BPD traits, a lot of members have exes that are subclinical according to Skip.
BPD is a spectrum disorder, many pwBPD have different traits and severity of the disorder as well.
Read as much as you can about BPD. It will help you in two different ways. There’s a reason why your exe acts the way that she does - her mood is intense and erratic but there’s a fundamental reason why she acts the way she does.
There’s a lot of internet lore and hyperbole, read material from accredited sources it will help you with normalizing the behaviour and to depersonalize the behaviour become i different to the behaviours, you neither like it or hate it. One day you can look back and maybe laugh at some of the things that she did.
The end comes very abruptly, one day she just ask for my permission to allow her to transfer server as she said a friend, who is feeling alone cause her parents are divorcing and abusive, wants her to be there. Of course I questioned the logic of that story but at that time I just agreed cause I have no way of proving if it is true or not.
You met her through the game, the friend is probably the other guy and she didn’t want you to see them interact on in game chat or talking over the microphone.
I know it was over but not even a day after, she message me with a long sweet letter like she's not leaving and not breaking up etc.
A central feature of the disorder is fear of abandonment, a lot of the behaviour revolves around this. A pwBPD will frantically avoid abandonment even if it’s not real - cognitive distortions.
Try to imagine being in a relationship and you’re feeling anxiety over being abandoned, you keep thinking that your partner is going to leave. It’s irrational thoughts but in order to avoid abandonment a pwBPD will create exit strategies while in the r/s. So a pwBPD will try to find new prospects.
It sounds to me like she’s not 100% sure about this new guy and she wants you st arms length in case of their r/s not working out. I think that’s why she was overly nice to you in the letter she doesn’t want to burn bridges.
I tried to keep her of course but she said she showed a paragraph of my letter to 3 people and they all concluded that I am emotionally abusive and a manipulator. That accusation cause me to back down.
A pwBPD have distorted thinking and will change reality to match their out of place feelings. She’s playing in the same game, same servers, talking to somebody else, there has t be guilty feelings attached to that because she’s not being honest. She’s doing it for her survival.
I completely understand how much it hurts when we show dignity, respect and honesty to our girlfriend and then they advantage of our good nature. She doesn’t necessary have to have the sane values as you, they are your values and if their not aligned with her you’re going to have friction. I’m telling you to compromise your values I’m just telling you that other peoples values may not match yours exactly - that’s Ok. How we interpreted things in life is not necessarily interpreted the same way as someone else.
Anyways, she probably didn’t show the letter to her friends. If it didn’t make sense to you it won’t make sense to others. She’s blame shifting, she’s altering reality to mask her true feelings. She can blame and project all that she wants it doesn’t mean that you have to take that on. You’re not responsible for someone else’s feelings.
It helps to talk to others going through the same thing as you. You’re not alone. I know that it’s hard when you a lot to talk about and wish that family and friends get it, we get it here. I’m looking forward to reading more of your posts. Hang in there.
