I’ve been waiting nearly 9 months...

[Family Court Strategies: When Your Partner Has BPD OR NPD Traits.]

And I finally get the long awaited contact from my friend that I’ve longed for, but I’m not particularly chuffed with it and have so far not responded.  Thoughts?

hi, how are you? let me know if you're in ‘hometown’ at anytime and we can meet for coffee, plus you can formerly apologise x

[insideoutside]

And I finally get the long awaited contact from my friend that I’ve longed for, but I’m not particularly chuffed with it and have so far not responded.  Thoughts?

hi, how are you? let me know if you're in ‘hometown’ at anytime and we can meet for coffee, plus you can formerly apologise x

[insideoutside]

And another email saying:

‘give us a text or call, be good to catch up. i forgive you.  (New number).’

Not replied as waiting if any of you guys can offer any sound advice.

[insideoutside]

And another... .

‘Call me or text... .it’s important’

What can be so damn important?  It’s taken him 9 months to contact me and now 3 emails in less than 7 hours with the last two an hour apart.

[valet]

What do you need advice about?

You haven't explicitly stated anything in regards to this yet.

[Justbecause]

Do not reply.

Watch and marvel at the lack of responsibility and blame. Only engage if you are 100% confident you have only sympathy and a little contempt for him. Do not forget what you know they did, and use what you know to strongly influence your opinions of whatever questions he left you with.

Know you deserve an apology and know you did not deserve his treatment of you. These things are most likely very true, and make his messages only further evidence of his emotional immaturity.

The best response to what he did - whatever that was - is: "what are you sorry for and why was it wrong?" I'd wait for his messages to include that sorry before responding.

My best

[hope2727]

Why would you be expected to apologize. Its baiting. He want's to see if you will react. I would just ignore completely and get on with your life. Just saying thats what I would do.

[insideoutside]

What do you need advice about?

You haven't explicitly stated anything in regards to this yet.

Sorry; it was about how to respond.  It just astounds me after 9 months of no contact he sends messages like this.  No apology but expecting me to.  Then when I don’t reply he sends another saying ‘I forgive you’!  Was longing for contact and now I have it I feel really disappointed.

[Justbecause]

Sorry; it was about how to respond.  It just astounds me after 9 months of no contact he sends messages like this.  No apology but expecting me to.  Then when I don’t reply he sends another saying ‘I forgive you’!  Was longing for contact and now I have it I feel really disappointed.

Get your closure and move on, do not be pulled back in

[WarOfRoses]

Oh your "friend" has finally replied has he? 

[SlyQQ]

Just so we are clear - you can apoligize- i forgive you- its all your fault.

[insideoutside]

Just so we are clear - you can apoligize- i forgive you- its all your fault.

Yeah that’s the gist of it.  He’s communicating like the 9 months silence never happened.  I’m keeping my distance for the moment until I understand what his true motives are because as far as I’m concerned the trust has gone.  I had a feeling he would be in touch; however I am disappointed he’s expressed no remorse but what did I really expect?

[valet]

Sorry; it was about how to respond.  It just astounds me after 9 months of no contact he sends messages like this.  No apology but expecting me to.  Then when I don’t reply he sends another saying ‘I forgive you’!  Was longing for contact and now I have it I feel really disappointed.

I get that. It's all part of the process of coming to some understanding about the relationship. I felt a similar underwhelming feeling when I was still in contact. Kind of like the words of a book trailing off the page, leaving you wondering what the sentence was all about.

So in a nutshell, I think it's pretty natural to be disappointed. But also a lesson in and of itself. Maybe it can help shed some light on your level of involvement with this person, and in what ways it was both healthy and unhealthy.

If you want to know how to respond, you have to know what you want out of the exchange. So what, exactly, would you want from him... .if you responded?

[Insom]

Hi, insideoutside.    

I just saw on another thread that you are married and this person is a friend/former boyfriend?

How has it impacted your marriage to be back in touch with this on-again, off-again friend?

[mjssmom]

I have the same thing going on. My ex has continually tried to contact me suddenly the past 7 months. I ignore it. I don't respond to anything because them they think like a little kid and any response is a good response. If you take the time to even give a negative response they will grab onto that and this will never end for you and you might get yourself sucked back in before you know it. That would only be unhealthy for you. At most I simply keep the messages and the letters because I'm thinking about filing a restraining order. I honestly didn't think it would come to that. He's not threatening me. But I'm indifferent to him now. I don't care what's going on in his life anymore and moved on a long time ago. So all I'm doing now is collecting evidence that he won't give up. You don't want this person back in your life. Please just trust me on that. Never hand someone a loaded gun twice.