BPD wife destroying me from inside, my life has become a nightmare

[Depression = 72% of members]

Hello

I am married to a high-functioning BPD, recently diagnosed by a professional who has made my life hell for almost 2 years (thankfully no kids).

I have my own issues due to which I have an inability to leave her. She is easily able to reign me back in with guilt (even though I am fully aware I'm being manipulated).

I just need the mental strength to leave her. I have made some preparations over the months, including talking to a lawyer and moving some of my less noticeable stuff out. I am just having trouble making that final jump and leaving her completely.

She is a monster who will never change. She likes to bring me into her own personal hell and I can't deal with it anymore. I sometimes get this urge to break her jaw, I can't take the emotional, psychological abuse anymore. I am sick of walking on eggshells everyday and living in fear of what will happen next. She is a psychopath, an evil psychopath who has done nothing but take advantage of me.

[genericsam10]

Hello

I am married to a high-functioning BPD, recently diagnosed by a professional who has made my life hell for almost 2 years (thankfully no kids).

I have my own issues due to which I have an inability to leave her. She is easily able to reign me back in with guilt (even though I am fully aware I'm being manipulated).

I just need the mental strength to leave her. I have made some preparations over the months, including talking to a lawyer and moving some of my less noticeable stuff out. I am just having trouble making that final jump and leaving her completely.

She is a monster who will never change. She likes to bring me into her own personal hell and I can't deal with it anymore. I sometimes get this urge to break her jaw, I can't take the emotional, psychological abuse anymore. I am sick of walking on eggshells everyday and living in fear of what will happen next. She is a psychopath, an evil psychopath who has done nothing but take advantage of me.

[RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING]

RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members are welcomed to express frustration but must seek constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[believer55]

Hi genericsam

I feel for you that is has come to this stage. I can tell you may have a lot of anger built up towards her - are you taking steps to deal with this?

Ending a marriage (even separating but not making it permanent) is a very difficult thing to do and we second guess ourselves and feel lots of guilt. There is a reason you have reached this decision and this stage in your life. Do you feel love for your wife anymore? Does she recognise that she has a mental health condition that needs lots of work? I teeter on the edge constantly with my hwBPD - but I have also walked away from a previous marriage due to ex's addictions and you do go through the stages of grief even if you know you are doing the right thing for you.

Set up your boundaries to protect yourself and find things to do that promotes calmness and happiness for you.

Best of luck... . 

[Tattered Heart]

I am sorry that you have been experiencing so much anger in your relationship. BPD is a mental illness that they are often unable to control. It is not done out of a desire to hurt you but out of an inability for their brain to handle situations well. We have an article on How the BPD Brain Works that might help you understand what her mind is like.

I am deeply concerned about the level of anger that you are experiencing. Have you become physically violent with her in the past? When you find your emotions getting out of control how do you calm yourself? I would highly suggest that you find a T to help you work through your heightened emotions. Would you be willing to do that?

You say you feel like your wife is an evil psychopath. What is she doing that is causing you to believe this?