First time here

[why5]

Hi there,

Never in a million years did I think I would end up here (no offence!). I've met my fair share of asss, but never a man with BPD. And don't get me wrong, at 49 years old I subconsciously invited this! I have my own deficiencies that allowed this man to manipulate and undermine my intuition. I wanted to believe this was it so badly!

I only dated him 3 months, but it was intense. And he went from one day telling me I was complete sweetheart who was the best thing for him to a couple days later of accusing me of being a betrayer and letting him down. Disappearing for a week and likely hooked up with someone else because he thought I was 'bad news'! The worst part, it's been 3 months since we split and I'm still grieving him as long as I actually dated him :-(

Will I ever feel joy again? And how do I create my own closure around this? He hasn't looked back for a millisecond!

[Pencil sketch]

Hi, I don't think the length of the relationship, has any real meaning, it's the damage they have done, it's like being trapped in a toxic octopus's tentacles. I am still relatively new here, but it has kept me sane. I think one of the hardest parts to accept, is the total cut off, one minute they are there, the next, fallen off the face of the earth.
That is the part I am trying to get my head around, even though, it's happened on more than one occasion, and the fact, they have just moved on, and we are left to pick up the pieces.
Sending you love and strength xxx

[Lost-love-mind]

Why5
I firmly believe that relationship link has nothing to do with the amount of grieving. I had a short two months relationship with a pwBPD and it is been 6 months since it's end. However I still find myself thinking about her throughout the day and wondering what happened to all the great times we had at the beginning, the love bombing. Was any of it real? It certainly did come from my heart.

Why was I so taken in by her promises and discussion of our " mind meld" as one.

I learned after a couple of months of intense abyss of depression that it was best for me to start doing things that would improve my Outlook. I took a physical labor job, I got a Christian support team and of course I went into therapy. Since that time the grieving has moved from the anger stage and it's all her fault, to realizing that I made some mistakes that may have triggered her lack of emotions from her past, thus, painting me black.

Take a good look at taking care of yourself first and make sure you have support that understands the pain of a relationship with a pwBPD.
Certainly we do. We Are Family.