Important Lesson I Just Learned

[RonaldAndNancy]

Hi Everyone!

Wanted to update on my progress as it's now been 5 weeks since I was dumped out of nowhere.

I decided to fly and visit my parents for Christmas this year. It was a much-needed break from the stress and what feels like torture I've been enduring since my exBPDgf split with me 5 weeks ago. Not sure how many people here still have a family but that was a very therapeutic experience for me. I'm 32 and really haven't been that close to my mother since moving out when I was 18, but this year I really made the attempt to reconnect with her and have that mother / son relationship.

We baked for two days, watched Hallmark Movies (brainwashing haha) and spoke about my past relationships. I recorded much of it to remind myself how lucky I am to even have two people (mother and father) who really care about me and want to see me succeed in life. Most of the time I still had the memories of my ex running through my mind but for some reason, the pain wasn't as bad.

This was perfect as it prepared me for what I came home to yesterday. Backstory, my ex and I lived together for 2 years and she moved out after the break-up. She slowly moved her things out of my place and as of this past weekend still had things at my place (keep in mind it has been 5 weeks, I begged her to get her things out ASAP as I wanted NC).

So after a great Christmas with my parents, I get home to find that my ex broke into my place and took the remainder of her things, plus other things we agreed I would keep (she even took our expensive nice showerhead which I bought). My things were scattered all over the house but happy that nothing was broken. My neighbors noticed that I came home and told me she came by on Friday with two men and moved things for a very long time (there wasn't too many things left of hers). She was very friendly with our neighbors in the past but this time she blocked their driveway and when she saw them didn't even bother to say hi. This really upset them as they also knew she had returned her copy of the key weeks prior.

So IMPORTANT LESSON - Notify your landlord when you break up! I spoke to my landlord this morning and she said my ex contacted her a couple of weeks ago to ask for a spare key! I now have to change the locks on my front door. She's not the violent type but she is very vengeful (she took our sex toys which I had placed in a box to be tossed - not sure if she took this to stab me in the heart because my weakness is cheating or she really has a use for them right now because clearly I don't ).

With all that happening if it wasn't for spending time with my parents and remembering what its like to be around people who truly care about my best interest I would have lost it. But all I did yesterday was just look at the situation and said to myself... .well it looks like its time to start rebuilding my home.

I'm proud to say it has now been 1 week of true NC and I plan on extending that number for the remainder of my life.

Thank you all for your help, support and transparency into your similliar struggles. I'm no where near out of the clear but I'm happy to say that each day feels like a step forward.

Happy New Year!

[once removed]

yikes. that would leave me with a creepy feeling, too.

glad to hear your attitude about it all, i think that youre right, and its over with. no harm in changing the locks on your door, too.

and good for you for reconnecting with your family. i think one of the most important things we can do in the aftermath of these relationships is surround ourselves with loved ones, and it sounds like it gave you strength.

ps. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Xu0LFHdUZPE