Introduction: Married with four children

[Ozma99]

I've been married to my partner for more than fifteen years. While I now recognize that our relationship has had many of the hallmark characteristics associated with romantic partners with BPD, it took me until recently to understand what I was actually dealing with. Suddenly so many of his patterns make sense, although it doesn't really ease they pain his actions cause.

Earlier this year, I decided I couldn't take the unpredictability and emotional blackmailing. Also, he started having damaging angry outbursts directed at one of my older children. I asked him to leave. Since then, I have been almost exclusively caring for our four children. While I am so relieved to have a safe space to retreat to at the end of every day, I'm not immune to his extreme fluctuations between wrath and suicidal ideation. As I'm sure many of you understand so well, it's emotionally draining.

I'm still in the process of evaluating my next steps. Of course, there are the children to consider, and how the legal system might sort out custody and parenting responsibilities. Also my ability to continue to run an entire, complicated household by myself. I have a job that I adore, and it has always afforded me the opportunity to raise my children the way I'd prefer. But he has always been the main breadwinner. I'm not convinced that I'll be able to keep us all afloat financially on my own.

For right now, I wake up every morning and I try to stay positive and hopeful. I keep my kids as safe as I can, and I develop boundaries and coping skills to keep me safe as well. I remind myself constantly that in spite of how difficult things feel right now, I am enough.

It helps to know that I am not alone, so I am grateful that this community exists. Thank you for taking the time to read this post, and I look forward to continuing to learn and grow as I navigate my future.

[PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES]

PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members may appear frustrated but they are here for constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[DaddyBear77]

Hello Ozma99 and welcome to the bpdfamily - I'm really glad you found us.

I am so sorry to hear how difficult things were for you, but I truly admire the strength you seem to have. Raising 4 children in the midst of this kind of upheaval is an amazing feat. Congratulations on all you've accomplished.

I'd like to ask - you mention divorce and custody; are you still currently living apart? Are you considering reconciliation at this time? Or are you pursuing a divorce? I ask because I'd like to make sure you get the right support here focused on what's most important to you. We have several communities here, ranging from those who are actively involved in relationships and want to save or improve them, to forums geared toward helping people find ways to detach and grow after the break up from their relationship, as well as forums that will help you navigate the legal challenges of custody and divorce.

Whatever the phase of your journey, I'm really glad you found us and I look forward to hearing more about you.