Marriage is rocky I need advice

[.Meekee]

So honestly I'm not sure if I should be posting here... or if I'm welcome... but I wasn't sure where to go. I personally have BPD, not a family member, and usually my "lack of emotion" doesn't last too long but recently I have been unable to really feel anything.  I can't feel love towards my husband no matter how hard I try, theres nothing.  I know love is the correct way to feel but it's so difficult. He always tells me he thinks I hate him and its not that I hate him, I just don't know how to express how I think I feel.  This has caused a lot of fights between us and then he gets mad that I'm not more emotional about the fights. He says I have a "blank face" and that I seem to just "look through him".  I've been trying to do some DBT and work on my BPD, but I'm still no where near where I want to be.  I guess my question is how can I show him that I love him even at times when I feel numb emotionally?  What are things someone with BPD could explain to help a spouse understand where they're going through? I feel like there is a lack of understanding.  I can't understand how he feels and he can't understand what goes on in my head.  I just know that I want things to get better. But I feel like I'm incapable of being a good partner no matter how hard I try.  Any nice words or help is appreciated.  Thankyou

[RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING]

RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members are welcomed to express frustration but must seek constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[SlyQQ]

Hi Mekee being self aware is a huge plus, it has probably done a lot to alleviate the anger someone with BPD might normally feel in this situation.

My Sd who i care for an ex both have BPD and are in a "relatively" good place now after many travails.

Being able to distance yourself emotionally from your partner is vital,( a close emotional relationship makes someone with BPD extremely vunerable and they often need to step back before it becomes to intense) if your partner can understand this, give you space till you are ready and handle the occasional inevitable outburst without retaliating, you are a long way in front of the game, if you find yourself pressured you are placing yourself at an ever higher risk of dysregulating and then anything might happen,

honest good luck,

[.Meekee]

Thank-you! I haven't always been self aware, until recently since I've been trying to fix things. It's easier said than done though because I do have outburts sometimes.  He's pretty good with them for the most part, not always... .Getting space is important though I should talk to him about that.