He told people we weren’t in a relationship

[Calmcollected]

I just found out he has been telling everyone we are not in a relationship after 2.5 years, including his kids who called me his girlfriend,. His employees all think I am, his friends from back home. What does this mean?

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PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members may appear frustrated but they are here for constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[pearlsw]

Hi Loismay,

Sounds like you are having a painful time, sorry to hear this!... .Can you give us some details about your relationship? Has anything changed recently?

What do you think it means? Does your partner have BPD or bpfd traits?

warm wishes, pearl.

[Calmcollected]

He’s been doing it the whole time. It’s BPD and PTSD. We live in separate residences because when we met I was going through the ending of a marriage and took it super slow. My divorce is almost final and we have been looking at houses or property to build on. I know his daughter in the past would assault girlfriends and was really hard to handle. If we were together and she came home, he would jump up and go to the other couch.

[SlyQQ]

The fact the divorce is close to being finalized is likely to prompt a backflip its normal

[Calmcollected]

It has nothing to do with the divorce, he’s been denying it always, for 2 1/2 years.
He told a woman that I was his book keeper. I’m not his book keeper. His kids would call me his girlfriend and has been telling them this whole time we are not together.

[SlyQQ]

denial is a keystone of BPD, it , believe it or not could be a good thing,

It will help prevent a build up of pressure that might eventually occur otherwise,

of course part of that pressure comes from having to commit to a relationship,

it's two edged but less of a lose than you might think, people rarely win with BPD

Also daughter might have abandonment fears-  and the reason for her aggressive behavior

sounds very tricky!

[Calmcollected]

I just spoke to his ex girlfriend that he used to live with. He put her as in a relationship on Facebook and then one week later blocked her because there was too much drama. We experienced much of the same stuff, but she experienced much more emotional abuse and he was drinking a lot at the time. He doesn’t really drink now.

[Calmcollected]

I’ve decided I can’t deal with the emotional abuse from his family, the drama, the draining of my bank account and the ungrateful ness anymore.

[GD39]

I’ve decided I can’t deal with the emotional abuse from his family, the drama, the draining of my bank account and the ungrateful ness anymore.

I need to say that I understand you. Just a couple of weeks ago, and it seems like a lifetime, I came in asking for some advice on a script to use for a particular situation. I did, it appeared to work, for two days, and back to the misery. One day, basically she stated that I was only good for her for money. From that day on, it appears that subconsciously I was looking for a way out. So, yesterday, without a work, and without letting her know, I said goodbye in my head. She does not know that yet. I am sure she will try to contact me today, and when she doesn't get an answer will rage, and let me know how she is leaving me. Whatever lets her sleep at night. I am just too exhausted to try to keep something alive that you never know when it will bite you in the behind.

Good luck to you.

[Calmcollected]

He had said to me during one of his rages I had “bought him” and felt like I owned him. I thought it was called building a life together. I discovered that he has multiple women he builds these dream lives with. His ex told me she got a message from a woman on valentine’s day when she grabbed his phone by accident on their shared plan. She contacted that woman and he had been telling her he was going to get a farm with horses and she could quit her job at Walmart and he would take care of her. He didn’t have a job at the time as he was on unemployment from a job injury. Told the woman his girlfriend he lived with was just a friend he was helping through her divorce.

[Calmcollected]

I feel like I’m in the twilight zone. Received a message from a friend that said “I didn’t know BPD had a new girlfriend” a women posted she was in a relationship with BPD but when she went back to check again it was gone. I sent him a message that he would be very happy with her etc. I received one back that it was an accident she did that, to grow up and take my meds. Then I was under attack for trashing his kids, ruining him, liar if I said I loved him. I used SET and that worked a little, promoted going for counselling, but there is no coming back from this. I met him this morning and helped him with paperwork for his lawyer. He was shocked I wasn’t going to deliver them for him. This drama, lying and disloyalty is shocking and exhausting.
I don’t know this man.