Replaced me Hates me

[JustNeedToTalk]

I feel like I am going crazy.  I posted a couple of days ago my story but didn’t get much response, it was probably too long.  In short my ex treated me awful in the last few days, after I literally financially and emotionally supported him for over a year.  He went from loving me one day to leaving me the next.  Some manic episode claiming he had met “someone special” (a married woman he done a LGAT course with), despite having met this “someone special” he then proceeded to sleep with an ex before I discovered everything and he left.  I outed his affair and all his friends have disowned him (due to other behaviour from him, not just what he done to me).  I also messaged the “someone special” and told her.  And she claimed that she had no intention of starting a relationship with him.  Now I think they might be in a relationship, despite the fact I have seen him on dating apps too.  I feel lost like I am nothing.  I have turned into a cyber stalker.  I am in therapy.  He has blocked me from everything and we have not had any communication in a month.  The “someone special” has now blocked me to. How do I get over this? He won’t talk to me.  I’m pathetic.  I worry he’ll come back and then a sick part of me wants him to at least reach out to me and talk.  He hates me I hate myself.

[SlyQQ]

Hope it gets better, over time everyone seems to realize there better off without them.

[hope2727]

Wow so sorry you are enduring all this. I totally understand how mind blowing it can all be. I wish I had had the foresight to out mine but hey that was long ago. I went through many of the things you describe. I remember the urge to peek on social media. It always set me back. I still find myself curious sometimes. Mine vilified me to even my own friends some of whom believed him. I am for the most part past it now. I just ignore the whole lot of them.

In truth it was the single most damaging relationship of my life. I suspect yours will be too. However, it led me to a new and better understanding of human nature. I suspect in time you will find that too. Meanwhile what are you doing to stabilize your emotional state? Do you have a therapist? Have you access to supportive people? Are you working? How is that going?

It is so frustrating to hear it but self care is so essential to surviving these events. I hated hearing it when I was going through the worst of it but was it ever true.

Well I hope you are feeling a tiny bit better. Please keep posting and let us know how you are doing.

[AZbpd18]

by no means are you pathetic. Love keeps you interested. The BPD in your life has his own struggles, contradictions, methods of coping that confuse us non-bp. It is so difficult to hold back from looking at 'their' social media. We must sense that 'impulse' to look. We must redirect that energy and look at something else, the news, information on BPD or this wonderful forum. I am sorry you are going through this. I have been struggling for the past few months... .my BP has given me the silent treatment for two months then out of the blue at 230am starts texting me. Its a tough road, they push you away then try to pull you in. You are not pathetic... .you are a caring person that gave yourself to a person with a lack of self.

[JustNeedToTalk]

Thanks for the replies.  Joining this forum and knowing others have felt the same pain does help.  I try to talk to friends but although they accept that he is mentally sick they don't understand the pain of what these characters implore on you.  I have always suffered panic attacks but they are worse now and they are triggered when I think of him too much (the cyber stalking doesn't help).  Yes I am seeing a phycologist but only just started.  I had a terribly disturbing childhood and he was the one person I told so much to about, he used all those things I told him about my father and literally done the same to me.

He tried to bad mouth me like you, but luckily non of our friends believed him, his family does to a degree but I don't really care about that. 

His words  and betrayal, cut so deep, from loving me to calling me over and over, whispering c*** and telling me I taste disgusting, I am ugly and will never have anyone.  This was the night I outed him.  I couldn't take anymore and he was sending abusive messages and emails, then saying he loved me, then saying I'm pathetic and would take him back in a minute.  What human being can say these things to someone they are supposed to have loved.

WOW AZBPD18 - two months and then 2.30am texts.  What did you do? I worry about this but also want it.  Why!  The thought of never hearing from him destroys me but I have to somehow accept it is for the best.

Thank you for the support.  Happy to also help anyone on here and share experiences.

[Pencil sketch]

You are not pathetic, I felt that way, my self esteem has plummeted, they have taken all this from us, in order to survive, they have no sense of self, and he is trawling online,to find his next victim. Someone once told me, how we feel now, times it by 100, and that's how they feel, all the time.
They don't face anything that relates to their behaviour, sure, they will stand up for their rights, in any other situation, but when it comes to emotion, they just can't handle it, so off they go.
I also feel, they have an anchor, a dead cert if you like, who they know, they can go back to. We are that person, their need isn't something we can under stand, but it runs far deeper, than our need for them. It must be a very lonely existence.
Keep on trucking

[toomanydogs]

I had a terribly disturbing childhood and he was the one person I told so much to about, he used all those things I told him about my father and literally done the same to me.

I had a rocky childhood, as well, and initially my soon-to-be-ex and I bonded over our childhoods. I made several mistakes in doing so: 1) His recollections were, at best, muddled memories, and, at worst, complete and intentional fabrications; 2) I thought he wanted to get better. I was wrong; 3) He used what I shared in an unsuccessful attempt to undermine my self-esteem.

He tried to bad mouth me like you, but luckily non of our friends believed him, his family does to a degree but I don't really care about that.

Amazingly, the one person in my H's life who believes what he says about me is his psychiatrist. Not even his family believes him anymore.

His words  and betrayal, cut so deep, from loving me to calling me over and over, whispering c*** and telling me I taste disgusting, I am ugly and will never have anyone. 

This was my H at the end, emailed me ":)ie you effing c***" and his P defending the email as H's "childish" way of trying to hurt my feelings. My opinion? The second a person includes 'die' before calling someone a vulgar or racist name there is nothing 'childish' about it; the language has gone straight to criminal, as in a terroristic threat.

Thank you for the support.  Happy to also help anyone on here and share experiences.

For me, sharing experiences, especially reading of the similarities helps me because it makes me realize that most of what I experienced with my H was a result of his various personality disorders, and I'm well rid of him. (Of course, I write I'm well rid of him after a good night's sleep. If it's one of those nights where I wake up constantly, there's no way I can write I'm well rid of him. I end up just wanting him back.)

I'm glad you're here,
TMD

[doctorRod]

  First, your not going crazy.

Everyone (even the most secure people) has a hard time letting go of their ex. Its called attachment process. When you break up with someone that you been with for a while a lot of complex things happen in the body and brain. Some of these processes include the release and the absence of certain chemicals. Its normal.

So please read about attachment theory as the only thing that will help you calm down is KNOWLEDGE because that is real POWER. Your ex DOES NOT control you. YOU control yourself so please inform yourself so that you become more aware and in turn more secure.

Once you understand the process your going thru better only then will you be able to calmly and collectively get over your ex by dealing with your emotions in a more productive way. Its ok to feel the things your feeling... .good or bad. What you need to think about is how you decide to act on and express those feelings. You will take the lessons that you learned from this experience and make sure you think twice before starting your next relationship. Be careful of who you get attached to because you dont want to fall in the same trap again.

[hope2727]

Hi how are you feeling today? I know its really hard. I used to think of it as similar to a serious drug addiction. I craved my ex in the worst way. But I knew that if I even took a tiny peek it was like taking just a little but of my drug. Any amount was to much. So slowly but surely I let him go. I still crave my kryptonite but its not as powerful anymore. You will get there. One day at a time. Or one minute at a time if thats what you can manage.

[JustNeedToTalk]

Hi hope2727,

I feel a little better today.  I stayed with a good friend last night.  I know exactly what you mean.  I am trying my hardest to stop myself looking at anything today.  How long did it take you?  How long were you with you ex?  Did he ever try to contact you again?  Thank you so much for your message.  It is amazing how supportive this forum is.

[JustNeedToTalk]

I found this really enlightening thank you.  My ex used to always say things like this.  How he was blue and then he would correct himself and say no black.  I do believe that he can't be all full of hate.  I don't think he can face me.  He admitted to me that he finds it very easy to block people and thoughts out, so I think this is what he has done with me.

[hope2727]

I'm glad you are feeling a little better today. Staying with friends is something I did when it first happened and still do now at times.

I am trying my hardest to stop myself looking at anything today

Instead of trying not to do something try TO do somethings else instead. Its a weird concept but when we resist something it gets stronger in our minds.  WHEN YOU WANT TO PEEK DO 5 JUMPING JACKS OR A 60 SECOND PLANK OR RUN AROUND TH EHOUSE 3 Ooops caps sorry I am typing on my side in bed  I am going to leave them because I am to tired to edit.   But as I was saying run around the house 3 times singing the itty bitty spider at the top of your lungs. Make it so ridiculous that you  have to crack up in the end.

We were together her almost 3 years he's been gone almost 4. I still miss him every day but I am happy and successful and not letting him rule my thoughts anymore.

I have screamed  in my truck until I hurt my voice. I have counselled.I have cried. I have eaten my body weight in ice cream. It will get better I promise.

Yes this forum saved me. It still does. I come and read other peoples experiences and realize that I can't go back to that madness. It was killing me. I am better off single.

[AZbpd18]

I hope you are doing better. Dealing with this can be such a struggle. To answer your questions. When she started texting me at 0230am I was floored! I was emotional, happy, scared... .I grabbed two of the 8 BPD related books I am reading "Stop walking on eggshells and Lost in the mirror". I needed support as I replied. Her texts were incoherent, blaming, accusatory, manipulative... .at one point she wrote "come over". That scared me. I just wrote back "get some sleep". Hearing from her stirred many emotions... .one being fear. Now that I had KNOWLEDGE from reading those books, it helped me stay balanced and not fall prey to her abuse. Please consider reading about this disorder... .it may help you.

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WOW AZBPD18 - two months and then 2.30am texts.  What did you do? I worry about this but also want it.  Why!  The thought of never hearing from him destroys me but I have to somehow accept it is for the best.