Adult Daughter has BPD

[MauiJc]

Ive been suffering with my adult Daughters attacks all my life. She is getting worse and I feel desperate and alone! A friend heard my story and gave me the book called “ are you tired of walking on eggshells”. This book describes my Daughter exactly! My delima is... .I’m her punching bag! How do I protect myself from her unbelievable lies about me!  Some family members are starting to figure out her lies... .she has 4 of my Grandchildren (16 &18 yrs old) she is now lieing to them! I feel if I can speak with others who are experiencing this type of abuse it will help me cope and also help me with ideas on how to handle her with my family.

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[Huat]

Hi there MauiJc ... .glad you found us!

I have walked (am walking!) down your path and the hurt, if I let it, can be excruciating.  Who would have thought this would be the future we would share with those beautiful, little babies who were put in our arms years ago?  Certainly not me.

I'm one of the older Moms here and I have many "battle scars."  Our uBPD daughter is the mother to our only grandchildren who are now 25/27.  Because of all the turmoil that surrounded our daughter through custody battles, etc... .we were surrogate parents to those precious little ones and our daughter soon realized they could be her "trump cards" when it came to dealing with us.  She has played those "trump cards" well!

Way-back-when, when we were in the thick of the drama and the heartache with our daughter, we were dumb-struck.  During one visit my husband and I had with a counsellor, she said the words "Borderline Personality Disorder" in relation to our stories about our daughter.  She recommended a book entitled "I Hate You, Don't Leave Me."  It wasn't easy to track it down, but I got it... .started to read it... .and the tears-of-relief started to flow.  This behaviour of hers could have a name!   Then I found "Walking on Eggshells" and my world continued to open up.  As with your experience, these books described my daughter. 

Life has been a roller coaster ride with our daughter.  Her "episodes" have come-gone-come.  Just when we would be getting lulled into the comfort of thinking all was in the past, we would be broadsided.

Yes, I read and read... .I cried and I cried.  It took me so long to come to the realization that I could not change my daughter... .but... .I could change Me.  The role I had played was "Victim" while I let her play the starring role of "Bully."

I hope this post has not gotten too long and convoluted... .taken away from the pain YOU are feeling.  What I am wanting to convey is that what is happening to you is not right and that it will take action on your part to get back-on-track.  You have found us and that is great.  You are not alone! 

Keep putting those fingers on the keyboard, MauiJc, sharing your feelings with us.   That, along with doing your homework with all the information to be found on this website can help in making life a whole lot better for you.  All does not have to be doom-and-gloom as you will find as you read the posts of others here. 

From one Mom to another... .a ((HUG).  Now onward and upward!

Huat

[Mutt]

Hi MauiJC,



I’d like to join Huat and welcome you to the site. I’m sorry to hear that you’re going through a difficult time and I’m certainly glad that you have found us. There is hope.

I don’t have a child with BPD traits I have an exuBPDw and I completely understand how confusing, hopeless and depressing it feels when you don’t understand the behaviours. Huat has given you helpful I strictions with the lessons I’d also recommend to read as much as you can about the disorder there is a reason why your D behaves the ways that she does.

How do I protect myself from her unbelievable lies about me!  Some family members are starting to figure out her lies...

I understand how powerless it feels when someone says unbelievable lies about you. I’m guessing that you didn’t have to say anything to some family members and they clued in and others are buying into it? Can you tell us a little bit more about what she’s saying?