Not sure how I feel

[savreina]

I’ve been doing soo well these last few days, back to my normal stress free self, but my birthday is tomorrow & im feeling lonely. I don’t know if I miss my exBPD or just the idea of her... I didn’t realize that she was trying to do better for me until now. I keep replaying certain conversations in my head and just now realizing what they all meant. I didn’t know she was BPD until after she left... .I’m not sure what to do, but I do know that she will never speak to me again. What do you guys do when you miss your ex?

[JNChell]

Hi savreina. I’m sorry that you’re feeling that way around your special day. It’s really hard for a while but it gets easier. Anymore, if I start to miss her or ruminate I come to this site to help remind myself of why I shouldn’t miss her. It’s not normal for me to miss my abuser, and I need to keep reminding myself of that. When I do that it reminds me that I need to focus on myself and not her. I hope you have a nice birthday.

[Mutt]

Hi savreina,

Happy Birthday! It’s normal to think about and miss your ex partner the first year of holidays, anniversaries, birthdays post break-up, many here can relate with that. I shared here with others when I ruminated about my ex, I’m interested in the conversations that you’re recalling, if you feel like talking about it today or not, share them here maybe we can help you sort it out.

[savreina]

One conversation that we had she said something on the lines of how she loved me even though she knew she couldn’t be with me... and how she would say she could always make things easier for me by just leaving. I really wish I would’ve known what was wrong before the fact, I would’ve tried a little harder

[Mutt]

I think that what she was trying to say is that she knows that r/s’s for her don’t work regardless of who it is, ended the r/s on her terms means that she wasn’t abandon, remember what a pwBPD fear the most it’s abandoned. So if she abandons you before her perceived or real abandonment she’s not abandoned. It’s a self destructive behaviour in a r/s.

You’re not responsible for the disorder, we can’t go back and change things and even if we did wouldn’t the turn out be the same if our expwBPD leave us before they they think that they’ll eventually be abandoned by us? Don’t be hard on yourself cut yourself some slack.

Im curious as to what you think.

[Jeffree]

What do you guys do when you miss your ex?

I just remind myself of any one of the multitude of horrible things she said or did to me.

Happy birthday, BTW!

J

[Lucky Jim]

I really wish I would’ve known what was wrong before the fact, I would’ve tried a little harder

Hey savreina, I doubt that you could have changed the outcome by trying "a little harder."  Most BPD relationships, sad to say, are not built to last.  

One conversation that we had she said something on the lines of how she loved me even though she knew she couldn’t be with me.

This sounds like typical BPD-speak along the lines of "I love you; go away."  To me, it is a red flag that something was unhealthy in your r/s.  

One question that you might want to consider is why you got into a r/s with a pwBPD in the first place.  Hint: it usually has something to do with one's childhood or FOO.

LuckyJim

[savreina]

Thank you guys for the birthday wishes. I haven’t really thought about her much today but I did just receive a “no caller Id call” it’s completely random because o never receive them. I remember the first time she discarded me we were N.C. for a month in a half & she texted me saying “ I know I’m not even worthy of your time but I just want to know you’re okay” and from that very day I got sucked back in... there were so many red flags especially after only knowing me for 2 weeks and calling me her gf & thensending me an edible arrangement... she’s not very open about her sexuality either... she says her mom wouldn’t approve