Does anyone relate to this? is that why it's taking some of us so long to recover because we refuse to demonize them like they have demonized us? or empathize with our abusers?
I personally think that many classify themselves as victims because they feel they need to in order to heal. It helps them to see that they should not have been treated a certain way.
However, I strongly dislike any implication that I am a victim. It was a relationship. I am an adult. I was not kidnapped to be in that relationship. I participated in the dynamic.
For me, owning my part of the dynamic helps my healing as I feel empowered to make different choices moving forward.
I can choose to think of myself a victim of years of his passive aggressive emotional abuse. Or I can choose to think of Us in a relationship with abuseive power control dynamics that I allowed, I particiapted in. Imo, thinking this way helps me look at my behavior. Had I not been so accepting of the dynamics, the relationship would have desolved sooner. So why did I allow this?
Have you read about drama triangle?
Viewing ourself as a victim is a way that we actually participate in dysfunctional dynamics! Yet if we view ourself as capable, then we can achieve a higher level of social/emotional function in our lives.
By the way... .
I do love my ex. He is not all bad, not a villian. I have fluctuated in nming and did struggle with “black/white” thoughts at times. Yet, learning the greyness can be more helpful.