My daughter-in-law

[Jama]

About 18 months ago, my son ( once so funny, talented, brilliant, grounded, beloved by all) comes to our beach house with his fiancé ( who we once adored) and we learn she is and has been suffering from “trauma”... .And is on medication... .Turns out the medication is kind prescribed for Bi-polar... .And the unraveling of our family begins.

Estrangement by fiance/ DIL— inexplainable and total
Son creates false narratives to stay away from his very close siblings and parents. We all need therapy he insists. Therapy goes nowhere. He still won’t show up... l
I— desperately- hoping it is not BPD write email urging her to renter family
Response is bizarre/horrific— claims my email was mean... .

DIL has separated son from family and long time friends
Question: should I ask him if he believes wife has BPD?
Thank you for insights!

[Mutt]

Hi Jama,



It has to feel sad and helpless that you’re son is taking sides. We have a good article on drama triangles the best position to put yourself is in the middle of the triangle by taking neither side.

Escaping Conflict and the Karpman Drama Triangle

I’d suggest to wait and don’t ask him if his W is a pwBPD there’s a potential there that it will further escalate things this might be difficult to hear but it might satisfy your curiosity you know that she takes meds to treat a mental illness. That’s a positive that she’s helping herself.

There are a lot of members here including me that have a pwBPD in their lives that is not diagnosed. We can’t diagnose because only a professional can do that! What we can look at are BPD traits and how we respond and react to to behaviours from a pwBPD.

Triangulation is not synonymous with BPD it’s all around us and not all triangulation is bad triangulation. BPD is a persecution complex if you ask your son there’s a chance that he’s going to rescue his wife and you’re cast in the role of persecutor ( bad guy ) As I mentiones earlier the best position for you is in the middle of the triangle.

Aside from the meds can you share some behaviours?

[Insom]

Hi, Jama!

Welcome!  There are some tremendous resources here that I found helpful when I first joined the site that you may also find helpful.  You can start by checking out the links on the right side of this page.  >>

I'm with Mutt.  Watch and wait.  See what happens.  This may not be something you can fix by speeding things along/probably needs to unfold at its own pace. 

Therapy goes nowhere.

Would you like say more about your therapy experience?  Did you have expectations?  How were they not met?