Introduction to me and my situation.

[annoyedmom]

I'm a single Mom. I have 4 kids in total 3 that currently live with me as one is 24 and out on his own. I have 2 boys and 2 girls. My oldest daughter(16 almost) has BPD, depression, extreme sensitivity, anxiety, and Cannabis use disorder. Our first incident was about a 2 years ago when she tried to commit suicide by taking pills and jumping in front of a car. She was hospitalized. She cuts or burns herself sometimes, it used to be more often but she is in therapy and has done a DBT group that includes the parents and has just finished an anxiety group. She sees a therapist once every 2 weeks(use to be weekly), a psychiatrist bimonthly, some kind of clinical psychologist biweekly(he's trying to see if she has any others issues that need to be diagnosed) and had group weekly until last week as it finished. She has been hospitalized several times due to suicide attempts, not all attempts have had her in the hospital as I have started to learn when it is most needed(if medical attention is required or if she has an appointment with her therapist the next day are things I consider). They have tried her on medications but she tends to save these up and use them to try and overdose. We also just started family counseling a couple weeks ago. We have all medications and sharps locked in a big safe in my room and the key is now on me at all times as she was removing it from my keychain and using it when I wasn't at home. By all sharps, I mean everything from knives to pencil sharpeners to the milk bag cutter as she will disassemble things to get the blades out. She continually repeats things like I love you and are you mad at me. She wants to rescue everything from animals(at one point she had a goat and pig on their way to be delivered to our apartment) to homeless people, seniors, babies or other kids. She will cry if we have to leave our dog to go do things cause she thinks he will be lonely and sad. She has a huge heart but it's become a major issue between us as my home is filled to the breaking point already. I constantly feel like I have to watch everything I say and do so I don't "set her off". Trying to keep the peace between all the kids is severely stressful. I suffer from a number of my own medical issues as well so the stress and tiptoeing around puts more stress on those things for me. Her siblings that live with me also have mental health issues such as depression and anxiety as well as drug addiction.  I've obviously gotten a lot of advice from her many doctors and the DBT group but it can always help to see if anyone else has suggestions or advice and of course having other parents that can sympathize with my situation can't hurt. I am about to see if there is a possibility of getting her on government disability as just the cost of gas and parking for all of these has cost me a small fortune. Has anyone else had any experience with getting their child on government disability? I'm in Ontario, Canada just to let you know so I don't have people giving me advice on how to deal with the American government disability. I wouldn't want you to type a bunch of information that I wouldn't be able to use. Anyway, thanks for taking the time to read this, I appreciate it.

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[Mutt]

Hi annoyedmom,



I’d like to welcome you to bpdfamily. Wow there’s a lot going on  I’m a single parent with three kids I feel for you. I understand that you have your hands full I want to ask you what do you do for self care? Do you have a T? Do you have supportive friends and family members?

You’re in the right place you’ll find that you fit right in here with everyone else. It helps to talk to others that are in a similar situation like you that can offer you guidance and support. I’m Canadian too I don’t have a child with BOD I have an ex so I can’t give you advice there. I’m sure that someone else will come along and give you general advice. Have you had a chance to take a look at the lessons on the right side of the board? 

[annoyedmom]

Thanks for the welcome. Self-care is almost nonexistent. I make it to specialist appointments because they are hard to get in the first place, my Dr luckily takes his own patients in the walk-in clinic beside his main office so if I have a free time period on his days there I can run in and try and do what I need to do. Other then that, I play euchre in the basement of my building with people who also live here so it's some adult conversation away from the kids and we all have a good time, plus I'm close in case the kids need me in an emergency although they usually don't, they let me have that time for me. I don't have a therapist other than the family one and my daughters other Dr's pull me in to talk so I can vent a little then. I don't have time for friends other than card night and I consider all of them friends we have been hanging out for a couple years now and they know my situation. My family is not supportive and it's not because they choose not to be. My Dad has Alzheimer's it's  still in the early stages but I also take him to all his medical appointments and deal with his meds. My Mom just isn't the type of person you can tell your problems too, If I say I had to take a lighter off my daughter she's like Wow Wow what are we going to do with her does she see the therapist soon. However, I do believe that my Mom suffers from Depression ever since my brother committed suicide in 2010. I managed to have her ask her dr for meds which were working but she's stopped taking them because she thinks that they aren't helping her and that she isn't depressed. However since the nurses have to come and change my Dad's cath bag whenever they ask her to learn how to do it she starts yelling I can't do it, I can't do it if I have to do it I might as well kill myself. I'm pretty sure she has some underlying mental health issues but I don't have time to take on that as well so I just ignore it and do what I can for my Dad. I'm trying to get them into a senior's residence close to me so that I am able to keep a better eye on them as a whole and since I'm the one who takes them out for everything(my dad was the driver in the family and isn't allowed to drive anymore).

I have taken a look at some of the lessons and tools on the side. I also learned some from the group and her mental health care team. They have come in handy in more ways than one.