I would like to share with you my dream

[FoxC]

Hello guys 
A little intro: It's been a couple of years now I've figured out how to explain practically any of my (do not want to generalize) dreams. I realized that it's not the content that is important in the dream (it can be really bizarre stuff sometimes), but the emotion. So when I dream of something, when I wake up I try to figure out what emotion (fear, anger, intimidation, joy etc.) I had while dreaming and then I try to remember when in the real life I had (or still have) the exact same emotion. It's like connecting to my emotional bank through my dreams.

So a few days ago I had this amazing (from the perspective of how greatly my brain is capable to choose images to depict my emotions) dream where I played chess with a dement old lady (actually working in a health care unit I see them almost every day).

So in my dream at first we managed to start the game and play somehow, but later on the old lady started to play without much sense. She grabbed my chess piece and made a move. I said calmly: "you can't make this move, it's my piece. You play white." And she said: "oh my God, this is not possible! I play terribly". She stood up and started to unzip her robe and take it off. I calmly said to her: "there there, calm down, put on your dress and please sit down. It's not a big deal, it could happen to anyone to mistake their pieces. Now let's continue to play". She sat down and then with her king she knocked down violently my two pawns in front. I said calmly: "hey now, you can't make that move (I felt the deception and anger in her eyes), you can't take two pawns at once, but if it was only that pawn on the right side, the move would be totally correct". There was another old lady at our table who watched the game and I glanced at her as if I needed some approval and validation from her, that the rules I explain are the rules of a real chess game. But she just stared at me with wide empty eyes and mouth wide open and I understood that she's dement as well.

So that's my dream. I searched my emotions of what the hell was that. And this dream corresponds well with my actual struggles: I revealed that my mother's (uBPD) behavior is not rational. It's based on her emotions and impulses. Our common projects often are blown away by this. I'm also learning new capacities: stay calm in front of this irrationality and anger outbursts, try to validate her if I can and pursue my way. Sometimes it's very hard. No one understands my struggles, because I can't even talk to anyone about them and feel quite lonely in my battle. That is my actual past-few moths emotion that corresponds the emotion in my dream.

If you have some dreams related to your pwBPD experiences it would be interesting to read. Thank you for your time.

[HappyChappy]

Sometimes it's very hard. No one understands my struggles, because I can't even talk to anyone about them and feel quite lonely in my battle.

Thanks for sharing, that’s a really interesting dream. Chess, a bit like gaslighting, involves strategy. Only a BPD does not play by the rules, which is often how they win. You are right about the impulsivity bit too.

I get your frustration about not being able to share, but can’t you share on this forum ? I rarely see a post that doesnt’ make some sense to me on here, but that may not make sense to someone untouched by the BPD theory. I don’t remember my dreams, what does that say ?

[Mutt]

Hi FoxC,



That's an interesting dream that you had, I have dreams but they are very far and between when I do and they're not about my ex uBPDw. I can't interpret dreams I wonder if chess / logical thinking is a theme I know that it's more complicated than that I just noticed you say that it's all emotional. Are you a logical thinker? I'm just curious.