Gearing up for the doctor

[bluek9]

Well we have another visit to the psychiatrist coming up in a few days. For us it's a 2 hour drive from where we live. Yeah a long way but, no other alternatives and for now worth it. The doctor is great. It means talking about it days before it happens to get my daughter use to the idea of leaving the house, being in the car that long, having to talk to the doctor. Her anxiety gets elevated so fast and she does not have the tools to help herself bring it down. I am looking forward to this because we are finally going to have the gentic testing done. I did not know anything about this procedure until I came to this board, so glad to learn about it. Finally a way to get off the merry go round of try this, try that, only to find out it doesn't work.
  I have never had the comfort of good sleep due to my own childhood issues. I always hear everything, wake up easily, never sleep soundly, so I never feel rested. As part of my self care I decided to find a medication doctor that my insurance would pay for. I've been waiting for 2 months to get in. Finally I get to go this week(and I don't have to drive hours to get there). I'm so tired of being tired. I do my best to keep my self care up but, I also know that better sleep will help to keep me from getting run down so easily. I am a very patient person usually I can deal with anything. I've noticed in this last year with more turmoil and strain from my BPDD I get worn down so fast, then I get cranky, crabby and loose my patience. Using my humore now, I don't want to turn into one of the many crabby old people I've known in my life. Fast coming up on 60 I'd like to think I'm able of keeping all my positiveness. Sorry, don't mean to offend anyone in this age range, I don't personally find 60 to be old, age is just a number to me. Any way living with BPD as part of my life I don't see a slow down coming any time soon. I still have to be able to keep up with my JJ, he's only 6 right now. I need all the energy I can get. Hopfully I'll be sleeping better real soon.

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[wendydarling]

Hi there bluek9

Yikes, 2 hours drive, that's a whole day by the time you get home. Do you have child care for JJ? And the prep beforehand. I admire you for changing track, your approach. I have seen it work here for many parents, so while it feels you are climbing the biggest mountain right now, there will be benefits.  

What kind of medication Dr are you seeing for your sleeping bk9. My sister has had a life of sleep deprivation, no children, very successful career. Her brain is electric, she slumps exhausted. At 40 she started running marathons, still is a 60 very physically active, yoga retreats, mindfulness, swimming, you name it she does it. She struggles to maintain the place of 'rest' our bodies need when we sleep. She has to work hard, it's always on her mind. How does one let go of that?

I'm a patient person too and I understand you feel tired right now, recognising is the first step up.

WDx
PS I'm an optimist, through my learning I find new approaches, solutions - change, it's bode well for me, I wish that for you.

[Huat]

Hi again, Bluek9

You certainly have a lot on your plate but a perfect example of someone putting one foot in front of the other.  I applaud you for that!

I think it is important for others (especially Newbies) to read your posts and see how participating on/in this forum has been of help to you... .and could be of help to them, too.

You keep that sense of humour of yours alive and kicking, Girl!  God knows that there are days when I have had to dig deep to find mine but what a relief to get even a chuckle... .a sigh with a smile attached.

Oh... .and that "60" mark you write about?  Well, so far back in my history that it has dropped off  of the horizon.  You darn right it can be scary to see what the ravages of time can do to the mind and body... .especially the mind (well okay... .the body, too... .  : (( ).   With that said, how uplifting it can be when you are in the company of someone who is embracing life in spite of what has happened in their past... .is happening in their present.  I look for those people.

Today I am being taken out to lunch by a 90+'er whose late husband was an alcoholic and, not so long ago, lost 3 of her children in the short span of 2 years due to unbelievable tragedies.  I watched as she survived after each one of those deaths, expecting her old, weathered heart to give out.  Those memories of her, and others who manage to keep carrying the torch in spite of life's blows, I have tucked away and try (emphasis on "try"!) to remember them when life throws me a curve... .or a bloody hardball at times! 

I know today's lunch with her will be enjoyable.  We will leave our troubles behind for a bit as we shake our heads and click our tongues at what is happening in the world today.  We will get in a few laughs.  I know I will leave her with a smile on my face and a warm feeling in my heart... .and I think she just may feel the same.  I am so lucky to have this gracious lady as my friend... .and my mentor!

I wish for all of us the ability to garner her kind of strength in embracing life.   Not an easy task!

Huat 

[wendydarling]

"I think it is important for others (especially Newbies) to read your posts and see how participating on/in this forum has been of help to you... .and could be of help to them, too."


BK9, Huat so very, very true, thank you.

[bluek9]

Thank you Huat and Wendydarling, my spirit has been up lifted by your posts.
     So yeah... .it's an all day adventure in making the trip to the doctor. She usually sleeps in the car and turn on the music. After we stop and share lunch talk about what happened. As for my JJ he is in Kindergarten all day. I get him on the bus at 745 and then leave for the Dr. thankfully we can make it back before he gets off the bus at 430. Poor little boy, I think what a long day for a little person. Then I go OHH yeah he is ADHD he comes with an endless supply of energy.
     I'm going to be seeing a psych PA for my meds. I just really need something to turn off my mind. Meditation only gets me so far. Then my daughter gets up off and on all night and if JJ sees or hears her, he wants to be up too. We have all spent many a 3am mornings together. About the optimistic thing, that is what gives me hope for all new things to come. I feel if I don't learn something everyday I'm slacking. I have to keep with that ball of energy that's only 6. 

[wendydarling]

Poor little boy, I think what a long day for a little person. Then I go OHH yeah he is ADHD he comes with an endless supply of energy.

You made smile bluek9, in your dreams type of stuff... .back to reality.

How did your appointment go for your sleeping meds this week? DD takes sleeping meds, last year she was riding a couple of days, nights without any sleep (ruminating) and regularly, basically kept going till she dropped. Today, with her skills she better able to sleep, occasionally takes a med if she's struggling, not often from what I gather and certainly not like last year which really concerned me big time, though I said nothing apart from empathising, she sorted it out herself  Has your DD tried anything to help her sleep?

I hope you'll be sleeping better real soon. zzzzzzz

WDx

[bluek9]

Wendydarling, sorry for the long delay. My days at work have been really crazy this week.
   I did get to the Dr. decided to start taking remeron. Dr. said it helps in few different ways. Her feeling is that anxiety is getting the best of my brain and won't let it turn off at night. Meditation only goes so far. I'll start this weekend when I don't have to get up early, I'm hoping for some relief. My D is taking two meds. for sleep, one we just started a few weeks ago. It seems to be helping her in that the night mares are less. That right there is a big deal. Tomorrow we go to the psychiatrist for the genetic testing. Thanks for asking about us. I'll keep you posted on what we learn from the genetic test.