She finally answered the phone..

[dumpsterdog]

Its been a month since she said " i think t best not to talk "... but i called on saturday , and she did answer the phone... which is good i guess... .i asked her about her dogs, she talked about herself, a little , like 5 minutes, and then i just told her i hoped she was doing well, and politely excused myself .
She sounded ok... .not overly sweet or overly hostile... .so i guess im trying to figure out the next move... if i call again soon, she may run, if i dont she may feel further abandoned...
advice.?

[RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING]

RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members are welcomed to express frustration but must seek constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[pearlsw]

Hi dumpsterdog,

At the end of the call where there any indication she wanted to talk more? Do you have any reason in a few days to call again? Did she ask about you at all? Did you get off too quickly?

take care, pearl.

[Mutt]

Hi dumpsterdog,

That’s good to hear that the first call went okay. I think pearlsw asks some pretty good questions. Did she indicate that she wanted to talk again?

[dumpsterdog]

I may have gotrne off the phone too quickly... i called her about 15 minutes before i had an appointment, and i had to tell her i have to go into this appointment at 5 till... .but i did say " I'll try to call you again in a few days:"

and she said ok... .
basically sh had been bitten by a dog and swhe was telling me all about it... .so the entire converesation was about her , until right a the end i told a couple short things about me and then had to run...
but ... she has my number...
she blocked my home phone so i cant call her on that . she blocked me on every social media... .but she knows my cell and hasnt tried to call me once... .so The last fight we got into and what precipitated this lates break in contacgt was me trying to tell her i had 11 broken ribs and a broken leg from a construction accident... and she was totally rude and said " i dont want to hear about your problems , all yoyu do is talk about your self, you should be lucky you have family "... .i told her she was being very rude, and said bye really quick... and then emailed her why i thought it was rude to totally dismiss me trying to tell her things that were really important to me... .

anyway... that and the fact that she is constantly seeking the attention of other men and bowing me oof to go out with other guys and has been for over a year... .

whatever... im just still waiting to not be painted black anymore.
but i have tried to let her know im still here for her...
but you know what . i'm going start going to luch and doing some innocent friend making with other women... casu i've just had the crap beat out of me for 6 years... .and really just dont even know if i want to care about her anymore... .she has pushed me to that limit... .
and if i do go out with someone and like it and it leads to more... .im at the point now, after 6 years of fighting with the non pleasable self rigteous vixen... .i my just go ahead and move on... .and dont think she beleives that...
one thing is for sure... if i do really move one... .i'll bet you a million thats exactly when she will be interested in calling me... happens aeverytime i really deciedc swhes not good for me and let my anger lead for a few days, thats when she calls...
like she has a 6th sense... .
so... .now what.?

[dumpsterdog]

and no... she  didn  really ask about me, and when i did try to give her an update on my injuries,, she jus said " i know you already told me that"... .like before i even finished... .she just interupted and blew me of... .i really have been away long enough now ( about 3 months... .i could actually just blow her off completely ... and im' like really close to doing that... like i said im going out to lunch with someone else this weekend, and i have found a really nice person to chat with online as frineds with no expectations...
and i have spent time with some of my old frineds who are genuinely nice and cool and refreshing... .and its making me realize just what a downer she really is... .she actually makes my life miserable... .and i really dont need that...
i am really to the point of just being over it and never talking to her again... expecially if she calls me for more money/

[pearlsw]

Hi dumpsterdog,

It sounds like it is most important in this situation to look at yourself and your needs. What is this part of you that is still craving her support when she has cut you off in so many ways? It sounds like you are moving in another direction... .Instead of bettering or reversing things, would you say that you are beginning to detach? Still not sure?

warmly, pearl.

[dumpsterdog]

I agre... im detaching with love... .not really moving on to someon esle, but allowing myself to go have lunch with someone else to prove it would be ok to do so.

I loce " Vixen"... but i also am starting to realize its not my responsilbiiity to save or fix her... .and if shes not a person i can deal with in a live in forever home relationship... then i need to face it and saddle up the horse.

[pearlsw]

Hey dumpsterdog,

I see! That sounds good... .maybe you'd like to shift over to Detaching and work through some of those lessons? And talk things out more there... .I'll likely be joining you on that board myself soon as I think that is where things are heading for me as well!

with compassion, pearl.