I have been stalked by my boyfriend's BPD ex

[fluffysocks]

I’m not really sure how to start this or what to say so I’ll just do a brief introduction to my situation. My boyfriend was romantically involved with a girl with BPD for a number of years in school. They never said they were in a relationship, but slept together occasionally, hung out with other friends, and he tried to help her with her BPD problems, but he was a naive 15 year old when it began and didn’t know how far it would go.

Once I met him, I was introduced to her at a friends house a month or so later. I should point out that my boyfriend had a male best friend who had romantic feelings for the girl, and also wanted to help her, so they both hung out with her, even though my bfs friend knew S--- only cared about my bf. we made up a little group of four, me her, my bf A---- his friend. Things were great to begin with, although I struggled with her bouts of rage.

Once me and my bf got serious, everything changed. At a sleepover we were all at one night, she began screaming at the top of her lungs. She refused to stop until my bf went and slept in a bed with her. (3 weeks later she accused him of raping her that night before later backtracking). At that point I decided I’d had enough, and left, not wanting to see any of them again.

But I was in love with him and within a week I was seeing him again, having told him I didn’t want anything to do with her and didn’t want to hang out when she was around. This worked for a few days, until she realised he wasn’t willing to hang out with her anymore as he couldn’t deal with the emotional blackmail of suicide every time he didn’t answer the phone. She began driving to train tracks in his village and threatening suicide a few times a week, telling everyone over social media that I was responsible for it. She started messaging me every day, long long paragraphs detailing why I was a bad person, how I would get what I deserved, not to mention suicide threats at least 5 times a day.

By this point I was in regular contact with the police as I was so terrified for her safety and the damage her accusations were doing. During the space of a month, she began following me around our town in her car, she turned up at my work, she swerved her car at me, she broke into a friends house where she knew me And my bf were and had to be taken away by another friend. She started to message all the people she knew we’re my close friends and tried to turn them against me. I told the police I couldn’t cope anymore, but they were slow to react because of our ages and the unwillingness of her mother to address the situation.

I received over 30 self harm pictures, often with my own name in blood or carved in a wound. I started to have panic attacks but I had no idea what they were at the time. Things came to a head when she broke into my bfs best friend (the one who loved her) garden and he let her into the house. She backed me into a corner of the room and shouted at me for around 90 minutes, swerving like she was going to hit me, getting onto the window ledge at one point and saying she was going to drop and the police would know it was my fault, she said the nastiest things about me for such a long time I went into shock and couldn’t move or talk. My bfs best friend did nothing to stop it. Eventually his parents came home, heard her screaming at me and kicked me out the house, blaming me. I told the police and they told me they were going to warn her she couldn’t come within distance of me, etc. I blocked her on everything, but I could never escape her, she always found a way to get a message to me.

3 month are after that incident, me and my bf moved to the other end of the country. For 2 years after, she continued to try to contact me. She phoned the police numerous times telling them slander about me. I’ve been through ptsd therapy but the anxiety remains and I can’t help but feel anger and rage at my bf and his best friend for bringing me into the situation with her even though I maintained throughout I didn’t want to see her. I’m holding a lot of resentment towards my bf for it and I don’t know how to deal with this

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[zachira]

My heart goes out to you! Thank you for sharing!
I have been in ongoing therapy since Jan 2011 for the abuse I suffer from my family, and it is my fourth time in therapy. I am finally finding a lot of peace, though I am very upset at times by how all the abuse has affected me. What is hard for me about therapy is I keep unpeeling more layers of pain, yet I continue to feel better and better despite all the uncomfortable feelings. I have also done lots of massage, acupuncture,yoga, and meditation. I find taking out quiet time for myself each day to feel my uncomfortable emotions allows me to process my feelings, and then nothing becomes too overwhelming. I also find helping others heals my soul.
Let us know how we can help, and share what works to help you feel better. Keep seeking ways to feel better, and you will!

[Tattered Heart]

Wow fluffysocks! You have been through quite a scary situation. I'm so glad that you were able to get through it without being physically harmed.

So just to make sure I'm understanding correctly, your boyfriend introduced you to his ex-girlfriend who had BPD. She began to focus threatening behavior towards you out of jealousy and you tried to get a restraining order against her. You have since moved across the country and still receive occasional messages from her, but mostly you are having a hard time forgiving your boyfriend for even putting you into the situation?

Do you feel like your boyfriend should have protected you more? Her behavior was quite extreme. Do you think he could have prevented things from getting so bad in any way?