3 scenarios. What do you do?

[How to communicate after a contentious divorce...]

#1	You're in a cafe... .in walks your ex. He/she gets a latte and sits down in a little nook across the restaurant from you. He/she hasn't seen you, but you clearly see him/her. What do you do? Why?

#2	You're in a cafe... .in walks your ex with the person he/she cheated on you with. They get lattes and sit down in a little nook across the restaurant from you. They haven't seen you, but you clearly see them. What do you do? Why?

#3	You're in a cafe... .in walks your ex with the new SO. They get lattes and sit down in a little nook across the restaurant from you. They haven't seen you, but you clearly see them. What do you do? Why?

[Skip]

#1	You're in a cafe... .in walks your ex. He/she gets a latte and sits down in a little nook across the restaurant from you. He/she hasn't seen you, but you clearly see him/her. What do you do? Why?

#2	You're in a cafe... .in walks your ex with the person he/she cheated on you with. They get lattes and sit down in a little nook across the restaurant from you. They haven't seen you, but you clearly see them. What do you do? Why?

#3	You're in a cafe... .in walks your ex with the new SO. They get lattes and sit down in a little nook across the restaurant from you. They haven't seen you, but you clearly see them. What do you do? Why?

[JNChell]

Try to quietly leave in all 3 scenarios because, at this point, I would have an anxiety attack and most likely have a total breakdown.

[enlighten me]

Finish my drink or meal and then leave as normal. Already been in the scenario and my ex saw me got flustered but didn't say anything. I just left and went about my day.

[steelwork]

I would approach him/them in any of those scenarios and say hi, because that's the kind of person I've always been--and if there's one thing that makes me craziest about this whole situation, it's that I came out of it shaken in my confidence about who I am and what I'm worth.

But I am years out. Don't know how I would have answered after a few weeks or months.

(Probably the same, but for different reasons.)

[I_Am_The_Fire]

Similar to enlighten me, I would finish my meal or drink and then leave as normal.  Chances are he'd see me first and walk out. That's happened before. Nothing good would come of me saying or doing anything else.

[once removed]

ooh. tough scenario(s).

most likely, im at that cafe with someone, and i do nothing. going over to her, especially if shes with a date, seems presumptuous.

im not leaving. that would be noticed and im not afraid of my ex or encountering her.

but man, it would be awkward. its been seven years. i dont think either of us have any interest in small talk or "hi, good to see you".

i do suspect my ex would be shaken up and uncomfortable if she saw me. in that case, id read the situation. if i sensed that she wanted me to leave her alone, i would. otherwise id be benign and pleasant, and brief, and get through it.

[Duped 1]

ooh. tough scenario(s).

most likely, im at that cafe with someone, and i do nothing. going over to her, especially if shes with a date, seems presumptuous.

im not leaving. that would be noticed and im not afraid of my ex or encountering her.

but man, it would be awkward. its been seven years. i dont think either of us have any interest in small talk or "hi, good to see you".

i do suspect my ex would be shaken up and uncomfortable if she saw me. in that case, id read the situation. if i sensed that she wanted me to leave her alone, i would. otherwise id be benign and pleasant, and brief, and get through it.

I would act as normal as possible and pretend she was just another stranger. I ran into her (kinda) a few months back as I was coming out of a store (I saw her pull in behind me). She sat in her vehicle for about 15 mins before I came out and was watching me as I walked back to my truck. When I turned to look at her she DUCKED in her vehicle to hide LOL. I wonder if she thinks I didn't see her.

[Mutt]

I agree with steelwork results may vary depending on how far that you are post break up. I know my exuBPDw and her exbf he felt shame and uncomfortable so I could just stay there but if they didn’t see me I’d get the check and leave. I just dont need any reminders, i wouldn’t anxiety but there are a lot of cafes out there just change the scenery.

[valet]

I carry on with whatever I'm doing and don't really think about it too much in any of the situations. My ex is just that... .an ex. No need to see the situation as anything but what it is.

[Speck]

In the first scenario... .I'd most likely be reading a book while I ate. If I noticed her, I'd just finish my meal as if she were not there. If she noticed me as passed her or when I paid for the meal, I'd simply smile and wave, and then hit the door. Reason? I am over her and do not owe her an audience.

In the second and third scenario... .I'd most likely be reading a book while I ate. If I noticed them, I'd just finish my meal as if they were not there. If they noticed me as passed them or when I paid for the meal, I'd simply smile and wave, and then hit the door. Reason? I am over her and will be wishing the next sucker the best of luck.

[heartandwhole]

Scenario #1 less than a year out of the relationship:

I'd feel flustered and would continue eating until I was finished. If he sees me, I'd smile, but wouldn't move. Because he can come to me if he wants to make small talk.

Scenario #3 now:

I'd continue eating and doing my thing. If they see me and come my way, I'd greet them warmly and chat a minute. If they don't see me, I continue and leave without connecting with them. Don't want to butt in where things could feel awkward. 

[southside420]

I would not acknowledge her regardless of the scenario. She is not going to control where I go or what I do. If she approaches me and tries to make a scene, I will do my best to walk away and let her make a fool of herself.

[tiki]

This happened to me once years ago with an old bf when I was with a new bf. I faked a migraine and got the food to go. We were seating directly next to one another.

I suspect I would do the same thing again since I’ve likely lost my appetite at this point anyway.

[Stjarna]

In all three situations (and I have actually had two of these happen - there was no cheating, but my ex has remarried), I  briefly acknowledged and said, "Hi."  But I am 5 years out, and we have children and grandchildren and have a need to maintain a civil relationship due to having to attend graduations and weddings and the like.  And, as Steelwork said, part of my struggle is questioning myself and having a shaken confidence.  I feel much more empowered when I allow myself to be authentic - and I am a forgiving and friendly person.