I am no longer interested in her on any level and am actually physically repulsed because of the affair. Last night was the first time I ever turned down sex and she was pisssed at me. Best case scenario is that we have around one month before she moves, but I cannot fake interest and I am not sure how to behave day to day. She puts my coldness down to withdrawing because she is leaving. I don’t see the point in telling her I know about the affair because she will deny til she dies and try to twist things so I feel insane (she told me and her brother she would do that/has done that when caught).
Any advice on how to get through the month? I want to just kick her out but feel that will go badly for both of us!
Hi Waveney... .I'm really sorry you're going through this. It seems like it has been a pretty rocky road for a while, and I can imagine how painful this is for you.
As far as getting through the next month, I would say your best bet is to hold firm on your boundaries. Really think about what you can tolerate and what you can't, and make it clear to your partner. Not being sexually intimate seems like a very smart place to start given the affair.
Personally, I have lost interest in any physical intimacy with my uBPDw, but for different reasons. Unless and until things get better between us emotionally, I just can't go there, and I know it's a boundary that really hurts her feelings. She wants the reassurance that we're OK, that she's attractive, etc. etc. But that's for her to deal with, and I really have to focus on my feelings... .spend energy on what I know will be fulfilling and healthy for me.
Given what you have said, I don't see any value in confronting her on the affair either. So, don't get drawn into any gaslighting or arguments. She has made it clear she wants to leave, and you can make it clear you are working on taking care of yourself during this difficult time.
Maybe it will help to minimize contact, so what could you do outside of the home over the next month (and beyond) that you enjoy? Go for a walk? Hit the gym? Go to a movie? My therapist has highly encouraged me to seek out the other connections in my life that keep me grounded in who I am and spend time with those people. Whether it's to meet up for coffee, hang out and watch TV, share a meal together, it's very important to have these connections and get the kind of support and validation they offer--because we certainly don't get it from our pwBPD!
mw