So glad I found this site...

[Teri50]

I've had some feedback and am so thankful I found this site. I'm not sure I was as clear about the beginning and ending or the fact that perhaps I feel this man is more Narcissistic but if the disorders go hand in had I can say what I see now is it has been 'by the book'! I am surprised that I am so messed up and getting responses have brought out tears I could not seem to let go. Oh sure I would like for him to get 'help' because I feel I love him and fell 'sorry' for him that his relationships never work out and it's of course always the woman fault. But these manipulators are a no win situation! I've read some of the lessons and admit i"m still having a bit of confusion about how to use the site but wow! It's incredible that so many have been through the same 'craziness' and how deeply it affects even the most stable and strongest people. I am a strong woman. He said at first he loved strong women... .well yeah to see how long he could break one down? Didn't take long as he began gain confidence that I really loved him and had enough to destroy... .I could go on but for this day I want to say thanks for the responses and how much it has already helped me. I"m still one 'sick' puppy but may even have the strength to Unfriend him on FB now... .so I will stop going in a ll hours of the night to see when he was last there only to loose more sleep... .man oh man... .this is one horrible situation for any of us isn't it? later... .and again thanks... .I just hope it does not take me years to recover... .sure seems slow... .crying now... .want to hold him, hear his, Love you's... .follow through with 'our' plans'. Ok all I can stand this night... .need to read more 'lessons' too... .

[wellwellwell]

I'm glad you're getting the reassurance I did when I first found this site.

My experience is that it takes great strength to support some with BPD, particularly over time, and/but even the strongest person can get sucked into that and lose themselves. And there's a tendency on the part of BPDs to identify people who can handle them. So, don't take the "'sick' puppy" feeling too seriously. As you say (and I'd agree), a lot of strong people get messed up by this. It's normal to feel like you do now.

There is some thinking that NPD and BPD are very closely related, but what always strikes me is the similarity of the state it leaves partners in. I met someone in a professional context a couple of weeks ago and happened to share that I was still recovering from the abuse I experienced from a BPD. They immediately said 'Oh, I escaped an NPD marriage'. Didn't need to say a word more. It can be brutal. You'll survive it. That said, I once went to an NPD survivor group, told my story, and at the end everyone looked pretty stunned... .

[Mutt]

Hi Teri50,

My experience is that it takes great strength to support some with BPD, particularly over time, and/but even the strongest person can get sucked into that and lose themselves.

I agree that a pwBPD can roll over you even with the strongest boundaries, don't take it personally. I can relate with feeling surprised and worried because you are an emotionally strong person and you feel like this is something on a whole other level. I'm just sharing from my personal experience and it doesn't mean that it's a baseline for everyone this board helped a lot because there were people that were much further ahead then me and they were healing I'm 5 years after the break-up and I'm here to tell you that you'll be okay. I know that this is immense pain, rest assured that it is still good to go through the pain then going the long way which is around it. Hang in there.

[Cromwell]

i found this site a year ago. without it and Shari Schreibers website plus some youtube stuff I was completely clueless as to what was happening to me.

The problem is that she stalked my internet useage, I figured out relatively quick she was but it made me feel not able to post anything.

i sometimes have thought to myself, 6 months of firm NC so far, why am I coming to this board, is it not just keeping her alive in my mind?

 and then I read the stories of the carnage that others are still going through and it makes me stay strong that I wont ever let her back in my life.

[wellwellwell]

i sometimes have thought to myself, 6 months of firm NC so far, why am I coming to this board, is it not just keeping her alive in my mind?

 and then I read the stories of the carnage that others are still going through and it makes me stay strong that I wont ever let her back in my life.

Yes. While I don't think I'd ever let my ex back, as I'm through that phase (keep going, Teri50!), this experience leaves wreckage that takes a while to clean up. Really helps to feel less isolated in going through this.

[Speck]

Welcome, Teri50!

 

I just wanted to join Mutt and wellwellwell in welcoming you to the forums. I wish for you as much help and support as I have received.  It's clear you have a lot in common with many of us here, and this is a community where we help each other, so I'm sure if you keep posting and reading you will find it helpful.

I also want to add that it does not matter to us whether your ex exhibits BPD or NPD traits. If you scroll up and look at the top left of your screen, you will find our site logo. Underneath that is the byline: "Facing Emotionally Intense Relationships". If this is your situation, then you belong here.

Keep posting - it is very therapeutic, and you will be greeted by so many people with circumstances similar to your own. You will be amazed. Take care of good yourself.

Keep writing, keep processing, keep learning!


-Speck