Hi Goldilox:Welcome to the community!I'm sorry you are having a tough time with your mom.
She comes form an extremely abusive (mentally, physically, sexually) childhood, and tho she spent years in therapy and says she is past it, she isn't.
It sounds like her parents may have had some form of mental illness. Has your mother ever shared any diagnosis she may have received, while she was in therapy? Has she been on any meds in the past or currently?
Unfortunately, we can't force someone to get treatment or accept a given label. Labels can be arbitrary, so sometimes it can be best to deal with the individual behavior problems. i.e. treating anxiety and/or depression, learning to manage emotions and gain coping skills, etc.
She is currently not talking to me because I wouldn't side with her in an argument against my dad and take on her anger. I offered empathy to which she later said, "I wish you could just show me empathy,." This made it clear empathy is not what she desires since that is just what I had given her.
Good for you for not taking sides and letting yourself get in the middle of a drama triangle with both parents.
What's you mom's pattern with "the silent treatment"? Does she get over it, after a short period of time, or does she hold onto a grudge? Is she giving you dad "the silent treatment" as well?
Some people have the experience that circumstances bring you both together and things go on as if nothing ever happened.
All we can do is set our personal boundaries (that we have control over), and manage the way we interact and react to someone. It can be easier said than done, and take some practice. Sounds like you enforced a boundary with your mom, by not taking a side.
Stay strong. This is a good place to come and vent.