Triggered by someone other than my ex

[How to communicate after a contentious divorce...]

Hi all. It’s been an interesting day.

I posted a question on the knowledge board last week about where I should post about a high conflict co-worker. I got sound advice, but decided to sit on the situation momentarily. I was pretty convinced about this person, but not sold yet. I was responsible for training this person to move into a role with more responsibility. To keep this on point, it wasn’t happening.

This person grew more aggressive every week in a manipulative fashion. He eventually started approaching me when I was in a section of the department away from the rest of the crew. Pushing buttons. It climaxed today. He threatened me. The moment it happened I got up and made a B-line to the supervisor. I didn’t even respond. As I was quickly walking away he called me a f’ing baby. Once I reached the supervisor, he came storming up, flailing and yelling F this, F that. You get the point. He melted down in front of everyone.

I was totally triggered by this event. If you could’ve seen how the expression on his face and how his eyes went hollow... .I started to shake and I couldn’t control it. I had to walk away and breathe. I almost froze. He was escorted off of the property.

I had my T appointment after work and told her what happened. I asked her about PTSD, and she told me that she had already diagnosed me with PTSD/C-PTSD. Strangely, I’ve found a bit of comfort in knowing this. Maybe for the sake of direction.

Anyway, she guided through what I was feeling. We did a couple evaluations from some workbooks, and she brought it full circle. She’s allowing me to see and accept that I’ve been through trauma, both in my childhood and the present, and is teaching me how they correspond with one another.

Friends, we have two things in common here. All of our situations are different, and we’re all here for the same reason. To heal.

The feelings I had today, I had with my ex. It has made it a little less personal, and a little more situational. As that scale continues to tip, I believe I will be able to see her more in a proper way, myself included. I want to stress how important proper therapy is. Starting a thread that bashes or makes fun of our exes is momentary validation. Very self serving. That helps no one.

I just needed to vent. I’m glad I can do that here.

[JNChell]

Hi all. It’s been an interesting day.

I posted a question on the knowledge board last week about where I should post about a high conflict co-worker. I got sound advice, but decided to sit on the situation momentarily. I was pretty convinced about this person, but not sold yet. I was responsible for training this person to move into a role with more responsibility. To keep this on point, it wasn’t happening.

This person grew more aggressive every week in a manipulative fashion. He eventually started approaching me when I was in a section of the department away from the rest of the crew. Pushing buttons. It climaxed today. He threatened me. The moment it happened I got up and made a B-line to the supervisor. I didn’t even respond. As I was quickly walking away he called me a f’ing baby. Once I reached the supervisor, he came storming up, flailing and yelling F this, F that. You get the point. He melted down in front of everyone.

I was totally triggered by this event. If you could’ve seen how the expression on his face and how his eyes went hollow... .I started to shake and I couldn’t control it. I had to walk away and breathe. I almost froze. He was escorted off of the property.

I had my T appointment after work and told her what happened. I asked her about PTSD, and she told me that she had already diagnosed me with PTSD/C-PTSD. Strangely, I’ve found a bit of comfort in knowing this. Maybe for the sake of direction.

Anyway, she guided through what I was feeling. We did a couple evaluations from some workbooks, and she brought it full circle. She’s allowing me to see and accept that I’ve been through trauma, both in my childhood and the present, and is teaching me how they correspond with one another.

Friends, we have two things in common here. All of our situations are different, and we’re all here for the same reason. To heal.

The feelings I had today, I had with my ex. It has made it a little less personal, and a little more situational. As that scale continues to tip, I believe I will be able to see her more in a proper way, myself included. I want to stress how important proper therapy is. Starting a thread that bashes or makes fun of our exes is momentary validation. Very self serving. That helps no one.

I just needed to vent. I’m glad I can do that here.

[space261083]

Hi there.
I totally get this. Since I have been in contact with my wife the past few weeks I have reverted to old patterns. Problems staying/falling asleep, massive anxiety, night sweats, stress, low mood. I am mentally scared s***less of her, it is crazy how she makes me feel.
I see the difference with how I feel when I'm in contact and when I'm not, 2 completely different mind frames. I cannot wait until I start my therapy as you pointed out, it may affect other areas of my life.
Hope you feel better soon

[JNChell]

I totally get this. Since I have been in contact with my wife the past few weeks I have reverted to old patterns. Problems staying/falling asleep, massive anxiety, night sweats, stress, low mood. I am mentally scared s***less of her, it is crazy how she makes me feel.
I see the difference with how I feel when I'm in contact and when I'm not, 2 completely different mind frames. I cannot wait until I start my therapy as you pointed out, it may affect other areas of my life.
Hope you feel better soon

space261083,
I’m starting to view it as fearing the behavior, and not the person. I’m not sure or convinced yet, but I’m starting to think that we’ve been dealing with two separate entities when it comes to our exes. Heck, any person for that matter. The person and the behavior. Perhaps it’s hard to combine the two because we remember who we fell for, but we can’t associate that person with the behavior that followed.

space, don’t get any closer to the fire than you have to. I wake up with my legs drenched in sweat, the moods, all of it. I’m mentally scared s******s of mine, too.

[space261083]

I totally get this. Since I have been in contact with my wife the past few weeks I have reverted to old patterns. Problems staying/falling asleep, massive anxiety, night sweats, stress, low mood. I am mentally scared s***less of her, it is crazy how she makes me feel.
I see the difference with how I feel when I'm in contact and when I'm not, 2 completely different mind frames. I cannot wait until I start my therapy as you pointed out, it may affect other areas of my life.
Hope you feel better soon

space261083,
I’m starting to view it as fearing the behavior, and not the person. I’m not sure or convinced yet, but I’m starting to think that we’ve been dealing with two separate entities when it comes to our exes. Heck, any person for that matter. The person and the behavior. Perhaps it’s hard to combine the two because we remember who we fell for, but we can’t associate that person with the behavior that followed.

space, don’t get any closer to the fire than you have to. I wake up with my legs drenched in sweat, the moods, all of it. I’m mentally scared s******s of mine, too.

Hmm, maybe it is the behaviour and not the person, maybe you connect past behaviour with your ex to how this coworker behaved. Either way, you know what you will find unacceptable in future relationships.

And yes I intend to stay away from my ex at all costs. I worked 5-5 on nights and around 3am every shift I would become agitated and anxious thinking about going home, the night sweats were everyday for over a year until I left. I now understand that this is not acceptable and is not something I have to live with.

[Speck]

JNChell:

Well, I'm glad to hear that you don't have a problem with this particular co-worker any longer. I know that he was bothering you. I also want to commend you for the way you handled his cornering you, despite the way he was calling you names. Bravo!

Also, I'm glad that you are benefitting from T. Double Bravo!

Step by step, we heal.


-Speck

[Cromwell]

JNChell i get the same feeings when I come across situations that I sense people either start becoming combative or are being deceitful.

i didnt care too much before I met my partner about people lying, its just part of life, it now starts to trigger me because I remember how ill the magnitude of the lies had on my perception of reality.

so when I come across people who seem dishonest, it is like an inbuilt red alert gets triggered and I tend to get the anxiety spike for awhile. I will just block them out my life as a preventative measure.

I dont take chances or suffer fools gladly anymore after what ive been through.

Glad you handled that well and dont have to work with him anymore.

[JNChell]

Cromwell, thanks for your post. I think I’m in a similar place. After being here for a while, it becomes easier to spot and trust our gut instinct. The gut instinct has been pushed to the wayside in adivise columns and, IMO, social media. Our inner alarm goes off for a reason. We’ve evolved from beings that have had to trust their inner alarm. Hell, watch a documentary on any mammal you choose.

We also have to look within. How do we, as non’s, react to our pwBPD? Many of us catch fleas. We end up mirroring them as much as they mirror us. It becomes a shift that isn’t possible. An anti-paradigm. They can’t sustain themselves on our identity. We can’t sustain ourselves by relying on them to mirror our’s.

I don’t take chances or suffer fools gladly anymore after what I’ve been through.

I hear you loud and clear. I need to work on this more. It’s easy for me to aggressively tell a person to get away from me that I have ”spidey” senses about. That person/persons could be my Son’s family on his mom’s side. I probably shouldn’t do that. I’m beginning to think that this all comes down to communication. In fact, I know it does. Sorry for rambling. I just had an epiphany.