As a family we are reaching breaking point with under 18 daughter

[prh]

Hi there,
My daughter has very strong BPD traits but has not been formally diagnosed as she is under 18. She has sought help and has had 2 x 3 week private hospitalisations towards the end of last year. She sees a psychiatrist, psychologist and participates in 3hr weekly group DBT lessons. We do everything in our power to understand and support but as a mum and a family we are reaching breaking point. I feel so guilty that I have reached this but I just have nothing left to give and the family unit is suffering terribly. We have now hit the stage that if she does not get the answer she wants, she just does what she wants anyway. to the point that she has decided it would be best to stay elsewhere for a few days. (not with any of the large support network she has either) she is doing this under the guise of giving everyone space, but it as actually so she has no limitations to what she wants to do. We are trying everything we can to help her through her HSC this year and with every step she takes she is just shooting herself in the foot and blaming her illness. She feels that she should be treated like an adult, but cant take her meds without having to be reminded or even get to work on time. I am really struggling with this and feel ready to give up on her altogether, more from the need to stop the hurt and self preservation. I just dont know what else to do.

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[Mutt]

Hi prh,



I’d like to welcome you to bpdfamily. I’m sorry that you’re going a difficult time it’s emotionally exhausting when a pwBPD have no qualms with busting your boundaries, a pwBPD have little boundaries on themselves and have a poor understand of boundaries from others. Many of us had no boundaries or floating boundaries you have to be absolutely for with your boundaries.

Setting Boundaries and Setting Limits

I’m glad that you have found us there is hope. It helps to talk to others that are in a similar situation as you and can you offer guidance and support. It’s a lot easier knowing that there’s someone else there. Does she have siblings? How do they react to her?

[prh]

Yes we are a family of four. Her younger sister struggles with it, but still jumps everytime her sister wants to pay her attention. The problem being, my BPD daughter does not manage it well. She gets fixated with one relationship and forgets all else around her. She has and will continue tp lose people through her own doing and she refuses to see it. I am afraid she will lose her sister in the end too. There is only so much we can take. I am actually at the end too. Care for her appears to be at the risk of forsaking others and there is little to no giving back. She does not see this though. It is extremely hard to validate her feelings when they are quite unforgiving and irrational, and even to not make judgement on some very poor choices she is making... .

[heartandwhole]

Hi prh,

 

I'd like to join Mutt in welcoming you to the community. I'm really sorry to hear that your family feels at breaking point. That is so stressful. Your feelings are very understandable, and I know that, in your shoes, I would feel the same. 

You've found a great place for support. Members here understand what you are going through. And the site has tons of resources and tools that can help your relationship with your daughter. Things really can get better.

Do you have a good support system for yourself, such as friends, a therapist, other family members? It's important to take very good care of yourself when dealing with relationships that require so much energy.

Keep posting. We're here to support you.

heartandwhole

[Artemis71]

I am currently at breaking point with my 19yo daughter. She has given up her job, sleeps all day, stays up all night, expects me to financially support her which I’m struggling with, mopes around, lashes out when I say something she doesn’t like etc etc etc. We are currently on a waiting list to see a psychiatrist for re-assessment of her medication because the various types of anti-depressants she has been on do nothing. I’m not sure where you are but in Australia it is at least a 6 week wait to get to see a psychiatrist. We don’t have 6 weeks. I’m at a loss, I’m feeling resentful and have no idea how to move forward.

[Yepanotherone]

  prh, I’m right there with you love , my DD turned 18 in January this year and she’s given us a run for our money since the age of 15 when first diagnosed with BPD .

Please read through some of my posts , my guess is they will reflect your own experiences right now .  

I did a long couple of posts in this thread

https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=317714.0

Hang in there prh , if you can just hang on to that last thread of hope , things can get better .

My lowest point was on my DD’s 17th birthday ( long story of events leading up to this final breaking point ) when I called the state to come take my DD away because I was cracking up quite frankly ! I just couldn’t see an end to the hell and I simply wanted my  :)D out and away . It was bad ! My husband came home from work to find me literally rocking back on the fore on the floor.  Of course the state did nothing of the sort , told me I was doing everything I could and gave me a couple more “ community support  telephone numbers . I was on the phone for most of that day , bawling down the phone in tears to all the strangers on the other side of that phone who were willing to listen .

It was my lowest point and I really thought I was losing my mind .

I’ll say it again , hang in there sweetheart ... it can and does get better . Xxx