Trying to understand

[Foursome]

I had been doing a little better. NC hasn’t been broken. Went out Friday night and had a great time.
So this morning I wake up before dawn in full blown panic atack. Such a feeling of dread.  I’m not sure I understand what’s happening to me.

[Cromwell]

your on your way from detangling that mind maze. coming out of a disorientating FOG.

your body is building up its anti bodies to that mind worm who has put you into this state. it will take time for them to build up and fight this infection.

im not trying to be dramatic but having went through the same, I cant think of any other way to describe it, as well as what it led to, a detanglement of such a flood of conflicting emotions and feelings hitting me at once.

change can be a scary thing when we have became accustomed to relying on another to provide our safety net. relying on someone who ended up being completely uncaring to your needs but where you provided all of theirs.

this is all about you now, you have chosen to get better without her "help".

on a practical level, if you really do start to feel certain symptoms, please consider confiding in your doctor. I did, and it helped a lot to get through some of the days I needed to blunt away some of the hardest to face days. a course of anti anxiety meds can help a great deal just to get through the initial difficulties if the feelings become too much and need blunted for awhile.

[Mutt]

Can you give us a backstory? Do you have a history of panic attacks?

[Foursome]

Here is my original post.
https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=323306.0

When I left her a year ago is when I first experienced anxiety attacks for the first time.

I landed in the hospital sure of the fact I was dying of a heart attack.  Hell when they saw me and checked my blood pressure so did the doctors.

Turned out to be a severe panic attack.  I had always scoffed at thosed.  Like yeah yeah just deal with your crap and stop being dramatic.

That day educated me on the facts of life.

Its terrible... .but the worse is when you wake up in the morning in the throws of one.

Thats really bad!

[Foursome]

This just keeps getting weirder and weirder.

I got to work this morning and had several messages on my work email from my ex.

PLS PLS PLS call me its very important type stuff ya know.

So I unblocked her and text her whats up?  This is the convo

Me... .what sup

Her... I just want you to know that there is not a single second of the day that you were not on my mind.  I can pass a certain store drive down a road hear a song and your right there. I miss you so much I dont even know what to do sometimes.Everytime my phone rings or I get a message my heart skips beat thinking that it might be you.  I love you baby more than you will ever know.

Me... .Im sorry

Her... .I miss the f... .  out of you

Me ... .how id you respond so quick(That long text came through literally seconds after first text.

Her... .I had it written already.  I write you everyday.

Her... .F... .

Her... .I miss you so bad

Her... .Its been rly bad lately

Me ... .Im sorry

Me... .I will pray for you

Her... .Sorry I keep driving down your road I know you saw me Friday.Just makes me feel ok sometimes

Me ... .I understand

Her ... .Oh... (my name)

Her ... .My sister is having surgery in the morning  I am withher now

Me ... .why

Her... .She has a huge tumor from her vagina to her spine they have to remove it and it doesnt look good.

Me... .so sorry about that.

Her... .SHE SEND ME A PIC OF HER SISTER SPLAYED OUT WITH HER LEGS OPEN.  I see all her cash and prizes.  Scared for life

Her... .this is the part you can see

Me... .TMI

Her... .LMAO sorry

Her... .Figured if I had to see it you did LMAO

Me... .LOL

Her... I mean I am sharing with you hahaha

Her... .I love your face very much

Me... .yeah

Her... .So I broke my heart and came by last night and I shouldnt have.(I had company and her car was in my yard)

Me ... .huh

Her ... nvm

Her... .It made me jealous so theres that lmao

Her... .F... .

Me... .Im sorry

Me... .I can tell us talking isnt helping

Her ... .Pls dont... .Pls Pls(this is where is usually shut it down and block she knows this)

Her... .BC ive been needing to hear from you so bad

Her... .you have no idea

Me... Its a process

Her... .Just been missing you alot... .nothing feels the same anymore.

Her... .I keep trying to make myself do things and act like I am ok and I cant but I am trying

Me... .Good night

Her... .I love you good night

[Foursome]

I wanted to say why dont you just talk to your new boyfriend.  But I could literally feel the pain coming through from her.

My pain is more important but she was my wife and I do have pity for her.

[Cromwell]

I know it is different from me, not being emotionally involved in this.

which if your trying to understand this coming from an objective viewpoint, it sounds like a pre-set script.

I dont sense any pain coming from it.

besides her "missing" you so much, and her sisters problems.

I note  the complete absence of even a courtesy of "how are you" and if there is any needs of yours in the midst of all the melodrama of how she is "suffering".

This comes across as a very self-absorbed selfish individual. it is all, me-me-me.

[Foursome]

Very true.  One of the most selfish people I have ever met.  Its all about her. Always has been always will be.