think im cured

[Before you can make things better, you have to stop making them worse...]

do I get a certificate or something

feelings have pretty much flat-lined to indifference.

cant feel the anger anymore, which sort of annoys me.

cant feel the love anymore, but do appreciate memories of happy times and accept I did feel love at those moments.

bought some organic vegetables

cleaned the kitchen. I think my adrenal glands are functioning again normally.

cats are no longer a trigger. nothing seems to be.

read some posts and feel like some wise sage who has seen it all, heard it all.

anyone else get to the stage of "comfortably numb"?

ie, just really dont give a F of what i may have done wrong, differently or psychoanalyse anymore.

it was what it was.

[Cromwell]

do I get a certificate or something

feelings have pretty much flat-lined to indifference.

cant feel the anger anymore, which sort of annoys me.

cant feel the love anymore, but do appreciate memories of happy times and accept I did feel love at those moments.

bought some organic vegetables

cleaned the kitchen. I think my adrenal glands are functioning again normally.

cats are no longer a trigger. nothing seems to be.

read some posts and feel like some wise sage who has seen it all, heard it all.

anyone else get to the stage of "comfortably numb"?

ie, just really dont give a F of what i may have done wrong, differently or psychoanalyse anymore.

it was what it was.

[Mutt]

Hi Cromwell,

ie, just really dont give a F of what i may have done wrong, differently or psychoanalyse anymore.

That’s great that you’re feeling better   . You said so yourself that you feel like a wise sage, you learn from your mistakes, there’s a lot of people in pain and your experience can help someone to get stage where they reach indifference you neither like it or hate it. Personally I think that wisdom should be shared I think that it’s your responsibility to take lead and teach others.

So can you tell us how you got there?

[steelwork]

anyone else get to the stage of "comfortably numb"?

At times. Is numb what you're going for, ultimately?

ie, just really dont give a F of what i may have done wrong, differently or psychoanalyse anymore.

it was what it was

So if your goal is to not give an F, you get the certificate. But two words of warning:

1. It probably won't last.

2. While I appreciated and smiled at your post (organic vegetables, ), it reads to me like someone who is "stuffing" his feelings--i.e. squashing them down somewhere so they won't bother you at the moment. That can result in depression, anger outbursts at odd and inappropriate moments, etc. You might need to give an F if you want to avoid making the same mistakes, and also to really process your feelings so they don't come up later in unexpected ways.

[Cyssero4]

do I get a certificate or something

feelings have pretty much flat-lined to indifference.

cant feel the anger anymore, which sort of annoys me.

cant feel the love anymore, but do appreciate memories of happy times and accept I did feel love at those moments.

bought some organic vegetables

cleaned the kitchen. I think my adrenal glands are functioning again normally.

cats are no longer a trigger. nothing seems to be.

read some posts and feel like some wise sage who has seen it all, heard it all.

anyone else get to the stage of "comfortably numb"?

ie, just really dont give a F of what i may have done wrong, differently or psychoanalyse anymore.

it was what it was.

Bro when you get to a place on indifference... .then you will be sure.This happened to me twice.

After the second recycle period with BPDex... .I went 4 months NC, no pictures calls nothing... .( I did go for long night drives, because I couldn't sleep). Anyway she randomly called me on withheld number and gave me some small talk, I told her I was busy and I would get back to her. I felt nothing, just weird.

I called her back and she stated she had a job and I should come round to she her when I was not busy. A week later I did, we sat in my car and went into her home. We watch TV whilst she spoke about rubbish and tried to subtly stroke the inside of my thigh.

At this time I was very aware, I thought " this girl is trying to seduce me, but I feel nothing" It like I was outside of my body watching a drama scene on TV, where you know what each character is thinking.

I felt NOTHING at all, no love, no attraction, no hate, no anger or sadness... .nothing.

Anyway, I told her I was tired and I had to go to work the next day I got up to leave and walk out. I got to the door she stated "What, aren't you going to give me a hug?"  I turned to hug her, and bam she jump all over me kissing my neck and dropping my trousers!

After we had sex I realised that she had to jump on me as a last ditch effort to draw me in, she felt that she had given my multiple openings for me to take the lead and engage her intimately (rubbing my thigh, looking into my eyes, smiling constantly etc... .)

I imagine these same tactics worked with her other side guys, but she realised with me that there was nothing there, she got desperate.

After that day, I didn't call her for a week, she called me up exasperated saying "Why haven't I heard from you, have I done something?"

I realised that she thought by having sex with me, she could put me under her spell after 4 Months of NC, she thought I can get him back with my body. I'm not weak, I am a beast.

I simply stated to her did she remember how and why things ended? (i.e. she left me for side guy). She disingenuously stated "er... .I don't remember?"

Cut a long story short; indifference, is a wonderful thing and if/when you get to this stage it can be a very powerful tool in LIFE.

I no longer wanted her either positively (let's be together) or negatively (I want revenge/I hate her). I just wish I could have maintained that feeling.

But It has been coming back, more time, distance and focus on me, it will come.

[Rinzler]

do I get a certificate or something
 

it was what it was.

And 'what it was' was simply u running into a subhuman wench.  And your certificate is u can pick up your life exactly where u were before she interrupted it. Only now you've got radar for these soulless vampires or any other pos denomination "suffering" along side their same "Clusters".   Super happy for your disconnect. You've attained monk status!

[Cromwell]

Thanks  Mutt, Im not going to be a stranger to these boards that have done so much for getting me from the state I was in to where I am now.

Steelwork thanks for the heads up. As you know, vegetables are the sexiest form of life in the universe, not my ex. I had this fundamental truth mis-wired. They literally make love with themselves. My ex once was very stoned and said to me "im a vegetable", another lie, these vegetables have only ever done good for me and will continue to do so.

If I have bad days I know I have friends here and if anyone annoys me they just mouse click the X on the browser, they never do. i wouldnt be here if there was the ctrl alt delete, end task of my ex at her at her 'finest' moments, but realistically, those times also made the good times even better.

Cyssero thanks, this is how I felt when I got stalked by her in the street after I went 1 month NC and I wasnt hooked back in so much as I wanted to find closure and I needed to be with her to unravel some ? marks in my mind. I managed what I set out to do and the time with her, although some of it was sensual again I very much saw her in the light of what I read here someone once say "an actor stumbling their lines". Like what you experienced I think she was very much confused by why I had changed, I was dispassionate to much of what worked before.

Not cured yet, but not far from it. it is the worst to feel alone going through an experience like that.

Steelworks, if there is stuff getting compartmentalised, i know that it is far more reduced and manageable then it was. Life goes on and im not going to let opportunities slip away and blame it because i couldnt get a grip on moving on from something that was over 2.5years ago when the trust and respect of what I think Love constitutes had been wiped away. 2.5years of deluding oneself is what leads to a lot of unhealthiness. my inner-guide knows when it is being lied to and didnt like it. Had to face the reality at somepoint and then painful as it is, all the nasty poison just slowly comes out.  

Love = Trust and respect.

I started the road towards getting better when I faced the hard painful fact I never had either anymore for her.

[Cromwell]

And 'what it was' was simply u running into a subhuman wench.  And your certificate is u can pick up your life exactly where u were before she interrupted it. Only now you've got radar for these soulless vampires or any other pos denomination "suffering" along side their same "Clusters".   Super happy for your disconnect. You've attained monk status!

thanks buddy. Im not ready for maybe a monastary vegetable garden quite yet, but yea there has been some sort of transcendence. You just reminded me to buy some  onions for that soup. have a great day. 

[Foursome]

Playmistyforme

I am happy to hear that you are doing much better.  I hope you are truly out of the woods and seeing the sun again.

I still have my days only because I do it to myself but its all getting better bit by bit.