Trying to take back my life

[MusicDad]

My wife and I have been dealing with my son's BPD for the last five years.  Five years of drama, cutting, doctors, circular arguments, sadness, and confusion.  We have three other kids younger than our son and they have had to deal with our lives always revolving around BPD.  BPD demands attention, it typically desires all of it.  No more.  Even though my Son has abandoned his family and all of his stuff, including a car, he is still pulling all of our attention to him, and he is not even in my house.  Now it has been a month of worry that he will get hurt or hurt himself and because he has turned his back on any form of treatment, I worry he will get worse.  Well I say, NO MORE.  He is 18 yrs old now which means my wife and I did our best, and now he is making his own decisions.  I trust that God will watch over my boy, and I will trust my BPD son to make decisions for his life even if I don't agree with him.  My focus is now to take care of myself.  My attention is back to my beautiful wife and three kids that still live at home.  My family deserves to have me back.  I am making a declaration to myself and this community that today is a new day and from this moment on I am going to redirect all of my love and attention to my wife and my kids.  If BPD son ever reaches out to me for legitimate help, (anything except money), my wife and I will be there for him in a loving heartbeat.  Until then, I guess I'm trying to take back my life.

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[Feeling Better]

Hi MusicDad,

I am making a declaration to myself and this community that today is a new day and from this moment on I am going to redirect all of my love and attention to my wife and my kids.  If BPD son ever reaches out to me for legitimate help, (anything except money), my wife and I will be there for him in a loving heartbeat.  Until then, I guess I'm trying to take back my life.

Wow MusicDad that’s a massive step forward and I applaud you for making this decision.

I really struggled when my son went n/c with me, all I could think about was him, I was desperate to get him back in my life again. It didn’t matter to me that I had other family members who needed me, all I could think was that I no longer had a son. It’s taken time and it’s definitely not been easy, I no longer focus as much on the fact that my son wants nothing to do with me. Instead I give thanks for what I have got, knowing in my heart that my door will always be open should my son ever want to reconnect.

You have a beautiful wife and three kids who love and need you, how blessed you are.

“I’m trying to take back my life ” - That’s fantastic MusicDad.

Please keep posting and keep us informed of your progress x
 

[Mutt]

Hi MusicDad,

I just wanted to say that it probably wasn’t an easy choice to reach them used to call it tough like he back in the 90’s. Sometimes we’re completely unaware that fixing and repair things for our pwBPD keeps them stuck. Bravo for you for taking the path less travelled and pouring yourself into your family  Play the long game it will be win-win.

[Yat4]

I know how hard it was for you to make this decision, but I am so proud that you did. You and the rest of your family deserve a life and happiness too. I hope that someday your son will come around and realize it too.

[wendydarling]

MusicDad

You and Yat4 get it. There comes a time we stop following the drama, to leading, gain our balance to help our loved ones find themselves.

The answers are right here with bpdfamily, well they have been for me and many before me.

When we do our very best, they do too.

WDx

[wendydarling]

Hey MusicDad

How are you? You know what, here we reclaim our lives, when we do that our children do better, check out our good friend jones54.

How are you feeling today?

WDx