I’m feeling raw and I need to post

[Struggler123]

ou have no reason to feel this way. You’re human, and we all hurt, love and retract. Theres no blame on you ever. You have to remember you are the sailor of your boat, and by talking about it you are making progress. Do you know the amount of people that won’t even talk about it? Numerous I tell you. Keep your head up, and be kind to yourself. Its a rocky journey but step by step, you will be where you have to be. Everything we go through in life is a struggle, but we are never given more than we can chew. Its time to face your fears step by step, be the person you never thought you could be. Never lose your dignity and self respect, ever because no one can take that away from you. Talk to us, and your already half way there. Positive thoughts for you. Keep us updated.

Thank you, Struggler123. Your post means a lot. It has helped to calm me down. You know, through all of this, I’ve turned the microscope on myself more than my ex. I am still guilty of picking her apart, but turning my focus inward has been eye opening. A bit overwhelming to be honest. I’m trying hard to grasp and sit with Radical Acceptance , while, at the same time, dig through my past to figure out why I am who I’ve been. I’ve been compartmentalizing these things lately. This just isn’t healthy, but it’s been a habit. I’m sorry for ranting, and I thank you for posting.

I am glad I could be of help, listen its really tough. Everyone has their own battles. I remember the girl, I once thought of marrying, she couldnt hold it together ever. My friends everyone used to say how are you still with her? I wasnt even going to end things, she asked me if she had permission to marry someone else, I did what any nice guy would do, I said if he keeps you happy go for it and within 3 hours, she did and I was told lets be friends so i can use you as a doormat. At that point, I lost it, how could someone that says they love you treat you like crap, I’m getting better day by day. But you know what, you have to be the strong one. Its okay to rant, I know I did as well.  Theres nothing wrong on your end you gave and gave and thats the problem, how can you be on the same level as someone with no emotional intelligence. You have to understand that you were a victim of abuse as well, and theres so many other people, only difference is you came to the right place. Its gonna get better I promise.

[Harley Quinn]

Turkish, I am tied to her. I’m still trying to sell her on how we need to be a family. Christ, I did that through every recycle. It always brought her back.

Hi JNChell,

You are and always will be a family.  A family doesn't have to live together.  Only today I was explaining to my S4 that the reason why mama and daddy don't live in the same house is because we are both much happier living in separate ones, so it's a good thing.  He's been asking a lot lately and I know he wants to spend time with both of us together, but as he gets older he'll understand.  All kids go through this and I'm sure you're holding onto some strong emotions around your little guy's perception of all of this and what's best for him - I certainly was when I left his father.  He has two loving parents.  He'll be better than OK. 

I can imagine that finalising things feels very big and real for you as you get set up in your townhouse.  Try to welcome the crying jags as they come.  They are horrible yet cleansing.  I think of them as an emotional enema.  Nobody relishes an enema but they do clear a lot of crap... .  You'll get through this JNChell.  Keep talking 

Love and light x

[JNChell]

Thank you, HQ.

[lighthouse9]

Hey JNChell,

First off, don't ever judge your worthiness of anything based on your ability to feel emotions, especially appropriate emotions for what's going on.

There is some finality to the setting up of a new home. I had my folks over for dinner tonight in my new place and as hard as they tried to tell me how great it is, I can't get over how much of a step back it is. I can't get over what it isn't. I'll get there, and do have moments where I appreciate what this place is, but it's not the home we shared and not the life we were building. I recommend online shopping as much as you can. Any time I go into a store like the home goods store I was in, I think of being with my wife and buying things for our home together. I feel like half a person in those space still. But, for some reason, the online shopping for the same stuff doesn't feel as bad.

Maybe this is part of what is setting you off, maybe it isn't. It doesn't quite matter, in the sense that there is no need for you to find a reason to feel what you're feeling. Remember all that stuff we do about validating THEIR emotions? Well, I'm here to validate yours and remind you that you can do the same for yourself. Your emotions are totally valid. They aren't on a timeline. Your cycle of grief can look like a two year old's masterpiece when given a crayon and a placemat at a restaurant. There doesn't need to be an order here, and there especially doesn't need to be an order for you to be helpful for others. AND, you don't have to support anyone else right now if you don't feel up to it. Just be you, where you're at, and know that we've got your back.

Do you want to talk about it some more? Do you want to tell us the stuff that it sounds like you're ashamed to be feeling? You can, we'll listen. And if not, that's 100% fine, too. We can tell jokes or find distractions, too. Or make movie recommendations. Whatever you need.

[JNChell]

Hello, lighthouse9. I’m sorry it took me this long to respond, but thank you very much for your kind words and understanding. Setbacks are to be expected, I guess. I’m hoping that they become less frequent and less intense soon. It felt good to have a hard cry, but it came in a wave that I couldn’t stop. I don’t need to have that happen in front of people or at work.

Do you want to talk about it some more? Do you want to tell us the stuff that it sounds like you're ashamed to be feeling? You can, we'll listen. And if not, that's 100% fine, too. We can tell jokes or find distractions, too. Or make movie recommendations. Whatever you need.

Thank you for asking and offering, lighthouse9, but the moment has passed. I think I’ll leave it in the rear view mirror. Thanks for being supportive. It means a lot.