He has a 'cycle' with high points and very low points

[Otterly]

Hello... .I've been researching BPD quite a bit since my significant other informed me (about three months ago) he was diagnosed with it about a year and a half ago (after a suicide attempt). He made the suicide attempt after I'd left him. Eventually we got back together again. It's a messy and long story. I'm guessing some of you on here will relate... .
I've just read "Stop walking on eggshells", which led me to here. I suppose I am looking for some support and understanding from others who are in the same boat. Finding out he was diagnosed with a personality disorder (he is, I think, intentionally vague about it because he isn't able to accept the diagnosis yet), and reading up about BPD, has helped me enormously to understand what the heck is going on in our relationship, and I am already much more able to let go of all the guilt and confusion and hurt I was feeling. But I am still struggling and unsure how to proceed... .He has a 'cycle' with high points and very low points, and he has been sliding into the low point for a few months now, which always ends in him being entirely dependent on me for all his needs, and I am unable to continue in this role of mother/lover/carer/best friend. It is typical of course that the thing he most wants to avoid, me leaving him, he brings about with his own actions... .so here we are. Anyway, I just wanted to reach out to others who will 'get' this!  

[RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING]

RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members are welcomed to express frustration but must seek constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[Harri]

Hi Otterly and welcome. 

I am glad you found us but I'm also sorry for the circumstances that brought you here.  You have landed in a place where we can all understand and relate to many aspects of your relationship.  We can give you validation, support and even challenge you as you learn and post more on the boards. 

The best place to start in terms of reading is to look over on the right hand side of the page.  You will see several links to articles on how to handle conflict within the relationship and ones that can help you decide on how to prioritize what to work on.

I hope you feel free to look around and read and post as you feel the need or want.  You can gain a lot by participating here on the board.  I have received so much help and support over the years that I have been here and I have found the work I have done here to be invaluable.  I am sure you too will find the same.

Again, welcome, and feel free to roam around!

[RolandOfEld]

Hi Otterly, let me join Harri in welcoming you!  

When I first learned about my wife's BPD, suddenly I understood all the chaos of the last 10 years and it was like I finally saw a light to guide me through a dark tunnel. But learning about it and coming to terms with it were two very different things. The good news is there is a wonderful community here to help you through every stage of the process.  

In addition to Harri's suggestion of browsing the materials here, I suggest you post on the threads of members in similar situations to gain some context on your own.

To what degree is your husband dependent on you, financially, emotionally? What do you to see to your own needs amid such a heavy burden?

~ROE

[Circle]

Hey there,
Looks like you came to the right place.
It's been a while since I dealt with that stuff.
Still, I remember how frustrating those cycles can be.
Thanks for sharing.
Hope you can find what you are looking for here.
I am sure you will.
People are very helpful on these boards.
Best,
C