Two years of NC - after 2 dates and sex, I got cut off again.

[How to communicate after a contentious divorce...]

Did anyone here heard/Saw the following from his BpD Partner:

1. "I always had troubles with r/s and I think only you can understand me"
2. "I never had troubles with r/s everything is so complicated only with you"
3. After a period of NC making contact with you and says ":)uring all this time (NC PERIOD) I thought about you and realized you are the only one for me"
4. After few days of contact... "I only wanted to check if you are OK, didn't want to come back to you at all"
5. "I need space and you keep want to see me, I can't live with your expectations"

Sorry but English you not my language but I really need someone to tell me this is not only happening to me.

I managed to to hold 2 years of NC and then out of the blue she contacted me and all I thought I learned was out of the window... .after 2 dated, sex I got cut off again just like that. I feel abused, used, angry and mostly ashamed that I got into this mess again

Will it ever stop?

[TheSinister]

Did anyone here heard/Saw the following from his BpD Partner:

1. "I always had troubles with r/s and I think only you can understand me"
2. "I never had troubles with r/s everything is so complicated only with you"
3. After a period of NC making contact with you and says ":)uring all this time (NC PERIOD) I thought about you and realized you are the only one for me"
4. After few days of contact... "I only wanted to check if you are OK, didn't want to come back to you at all"
5. "I need space and you keep want to see me, I can't live with your expectations"

Sorry but English you not my language but I really need someone to tell me this is not only happening to me.

I managed to to hold 2 years of NC and then out of the blue she contacted me and all I thought I learned was out of the window... .after 2 dated, sex I got cut off again just like that. I feel abused, used, angry and mostly ashamed that I got into this mess again

Will it ever stop?

[stixx44]

A big “Yes” to all 5 questing, and a similar recycle after NC for three months.  Only to be discarded 8 days later because she wanted to get married and I did not.  (Something we had discussed at the very beginning of our r/s.). She just used it as her break-up tool, and it worked.

[Mutt]

Hi TheSinister,

I feel abused, used, angry and mostly ashamed that I got into this mess again

Don't be hard on yourself. It's a good thing that you reached out to the boards here to talk about it.

[Cromwell]

2 years and a recycle?

well theres another proof to anyone that reads, that it is possible, even after such a length of time.

Dont feel too bad, its easy with the passage of time to have forgotten the things that led to going NC in the first place, and maybe feel that the person deserves at least a second chance, after-all, your strong again, and feel ready for anything.

Im glad you mentioned this happening as a warning to myself if she tries to contact. Im sorry what you feel now, but those years were not a waste, thank you for sharing your experience.

what do you believe the main reason was for her to try and hook up again? was it just to prove a point that she could have you back if she chose to?

[TheSinister]

Thanks everybody for your time this Board is truly amazing
I don't know the reason but if I had to guess she was bored, feeling empty and tried to have someone familiar to talk or have sex with. I try now not to think about her... what bothers me is why I let her in again after what I been through and what I read here during this time... I need to go to a professional help to sort myself out so I could be stronger the next time around

Thanks a lot guys you are just great   

[heartandwhole]

Hi The Sinister,

You are not alone. I had similar experiences with pwBPD. The sudden cutoffs and changing of feelings was the hardest part of the relationship, and ultimately led me to understand that it would never work.

Have you seen this article?

Surviving a Breakup with Someone with BPD

It really helped me understand that pwBPD was just not experiencing the relationship the same way I was, and I was listening too much to words instead of actions.

Hang in there. The symptoms of BPD bring the emotional instability.

How are you managing your feelings? Are you taking good care of yourself?

heartandwhole

[Shawnlam]

Hi sinister mike exGF said exactly the same two things as yours

1: I can’t live up to your expectations
2: why is everything so complicated with you

[Starfire]

My ex told me all the time that I was the only person he ever had such difficulty getting along with.  The illogic of that was completely lost on him, of course.  He was a 40 year old man with a string of messy breakups in his past.  But he never had such difficulty until me.  #sarcasm

I also heard the one about expectations frequently.  He would say, "I know you'll never think I'm good enough for you."  Or, "You think you're too perfect to have someone like me in your life."  Or, "I can never be the man you want me to be."  All loaded logic-defying statements. 

[Zen606]

Hi The Sinister,
The expressions you give could very well come out of the mouth of my bptrait ex, if I would talk with him. I won't talk with him though and if I see him I ignore him, look the other way. After 5.5 months of 100% NC, I saw him driving up the street in his truck, smiles at me and says hello, like nothing has happened. I stared at him and then turned away, got into my truck. Knowing him, he may be thinking one thing but puts up the mask to the outside world, like all is OK, while inside he may really want me to talk to him, he may be missing his supply. But I can't care about him and I cannot give him the time of day because I am still ion love with him. One weak moment on my part and it will be re-cycle #3.

The false mask seems to be part of their repertoire.

Zen606