like I said.. It was only a matter of time

[gilac]

my story: https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=324818.0

so, I just bumped into my ex with my replacement. thank you, thank you... I've made it to the club!  

yes, I'm devastated, but, I saw it coming... I was literally waiting any second for that to happen (we live in the same neighbourhood) and I was very prepared

they were waiting to cross the road so I stood right in front of them, I only heard him talking, she, obviously, is now in her idealizing phase where she is very quiet and sweet

today is almost two months since we separated, and two and a half weeks since NC (when she blocked me)

anyway, somehow I'm happy I saw them already because now, whenever my mood gets better it can only get more better. Until now, I was always waiting for that last part and knew that I will blow up again

wishing you all a good day, whenever you need my help with ecxperience, I'm here

PS interesting fact, she isn't active on her instagram last 4,5 days... .ditching all people again I assume?

[Mutt]

Hi gilac,

It’s almost summer she could be busy and that’s why she hasn’t posted on Instagram?

[once removed]

ive been in that situation, where i was around an ex and her new partner, or even where i was with a girlfriend and her ex. its always awkward and unpleasant.

how you feeling about it?

[gilac]

@mutt
she's actually active again

@once removed

to be honest, it was unpleasant (and it will always be anytime I see her) but this message board prepared me for this situation, I was 100% sure that she had already "moved on"
my friends are shocked how fast she transferred to another person because we were year and a half together, somehow I seem less shocked than anyone

the things that bug me right now are usual things... just yesterday she used to kiss me and try to persuade me to move in together and she is already into someone new, she's intimate with him and so on... .those usual things are now bothering me

however, she did me a favour... I'm no longer her ambulance guy who will stop her bleeding after cutting, no more wrestling with her hands because she started to hit her own head for no reason in the middle of the night, no more wrestling with her hands when she starts to scratch her thighs very hard until they bleed because she can't handle some small situation, no more therapy sessions in the middle of some pleasant event... . that job is now transferred to the poor guy I saw her with

she is the most beautiful girl I know, none dresses like her and so on... .but I am relieved that I don't need to listen to her depressive thoughts 24/7 and to endure her mind games

I'm aware that our relationship was fake from day one, I was just a reaction to her former friends and her ex at that time, now, her new relationship is just another reaction and another need, there is nothing emotional about her, sadly...
do I want to be with a person like that? no. yes, you can be the most beautiful woman, but sorry, you're rotten inside...

so, after I heal after this, there will be no more situations I can worry about that would change my mood, the case is closed and I don't want to come back to her, ever

now I can grab my popcorn and watch another drama unfold

[Harley Quinn]

Hi gilac,

I saw my ex with a new girl not long after we split and it was a surreal experience.  I felt insulted that after everything we'd been through, everything I'd coped with (self harm, suicide attempts and the list goes on) that he would so quickly be with someone else.  Like you I was also relieved.  It stopped me holding out any hope.  For me that was the final nail.  How are you feeling?  As much as I was angry, that was coming from the pain I felt at being treated so poorly.

When you say you'll grab the popcorn and watch a new drama unfold, do you intend to continue checking her social media?  Does maintaining that level of interest in her activities strike you as helpful in your detaching?   

Love and light x

[gilac]

Hi gilac,

I saw my ex with a new girl not long after we split and it was a surreal experience.  I felt insulted that after everything we'd been through, everything I'd coped with (self harm, suicide attempts and the list goes on) that he would so quickly be with someone else.  Like you I was also relieved.  It stopped me holding out any hope.  For me that was the final nail.  How are you feeling?  As much as I was angry, that was coming from the pain I felt at being treated so poorly.

When you say you'll grab the popcorn and watch a new drama unfold, do you intend to continue checking her social media?  :)oes maintaining that level of interest in her activities strike you as helpful in your detaching?  

Love and light x

Hi Harley Quinn

Thanks for your words. I fell better than during the gaslightning period during April (when I felt physically sick, didn't eat that much, had strong dizziness... .) Yesterday I was feeling confident, today for some reason very weak again, even I had a lot of work for my job. Maybe tomorrow I'll wake up feeling better again... .It's all the part of the process.

I was kinda ironic when I mentioned the popcorn, a bit of a joke to lighten myself up. But yeah, I kinda see the similarity between this situation and the period when we started dating. It didn't took long for her to jump into our relationship also... .After learning about the BPD cycle, seeing them just a proved me that it's all the same story again.

I'm not stalking her, ass soon as I got back on fb, the first thing I did was blocking her in order not to see anything that would upset me (she already started adding her previous stalkers and other strangers). However, mutual friends are around, now and there someone will ask/tell me about her. I'll probably ask, and I'm sure that sooner or later I'll hear the same story. I just hope she'll be ok with herself.

[Harley Quinn]

I know it's hard, but I'd encourage you to put a boundary on yourself around asking, and request that any mutual friends don't tell you anything.  The best thing you can do right now for yourself is to turn that interest towards yourself and allow the grief process to occur.  Knowing about what is happening in her life is only likely to trigger you emotionally and could slow down your healing.  Around here we liken it to picking at the wound. 

How are you doing at the moment at caring for your own needs?  It's advisable to pay extra attention to your basic needs like eating, sleep, being active.  Many of us fall into depression in the early days and that's understandable, so be mindful of how you are coping and respond to that if necessary.  Keep posting and join other conversations - there is much to be gained from doing so.  It's tough getting over these types of relationships and we're here to support you as you do.

Love and light x

[WarOfRoses]

I believe that most of the time they have found a replacement before they have even left us.

[gilac]

I think you're right WarOfRoses. Some of them are actually guys that were sending her messages during our relationship, she even showed me and laugh at them. I'm asking myself why didn't she end up with them at the first place? She didn't need to met me, they were already stalking her, and now she's back? Poor girl... .

But yeah, last two months were hectic, and her distance sometimes did had that "you're not interesting anymore, someone else is" feeling. I won't be shocked if I found out she did contact someone during that period. Seeing her now with certain people I know, she indeed had them in mind during our time.

The thing that bothers me is, I'm kind of a guy that focuses all his emotions on that person, so much that I don't care for anyone other than her, I'm not fantasizing relationships with other women (I still don't, to be honest, after two months). She obviously did, those same people, we both knew them from our hometown. But, hey, I was the one who was suspicious all the time.

[Cromwell]

At least you were prepared for it.

next expectation is the impromptu recycle attempt happening sometime when she finds herself needing to meet some needs no longer fulfilled elsewhere.

[Shawnlam]

I think you're right WarOfRoses. Some of them are actually guys that were sending her messages during our relationship, she even showed me and laugh at them. I'm asking myself why didn't she end up with them at the first place? She didn't need to met me, they were already stalking her, and now she's back? Poor girl... .

But yeah, last two months were hectic, and her distance sometimes did had that "you're not interesting anymore, someone else is" feeling. I won't be shocked if I found out she did contact someone during that period. Seeing her now with certain people I know, she indeed had them in mind during our time.

The thing that bothers me is, I'm kind of a guy that focuses all his emotions on that person, so much that I don't care for anyone other than her, I'm not fantasizing relationships with other women (I still don't, to be honest, after two months). She obviously did, those same people, we both knew them from our hometown. But, hey, I was the one who was suspicious all the time.

I’d say anyone normal will put their focus on the person they are with guy or girl,and that’s because we are normal human beings.Well the good news is you now know exactly what she is ,welcome to the club my friend  we are all in the exact same boat as you.Imagine living the type of life where you have plenty of men all chasing you,and being so deficient you string them along while with someone you supposedly love ? I think I’d rather not even have made it to the egg than love my life this way,I couldn’t bare being so shallow and cold .Those feelings of wanting her back will come and go in waves so be strong and remember what she did to you,you are worth more .