Home page of BPDFamily.com, online relationship supportMember registration here
September 19, 2021, 02:23:17 AM *
Welcome, Guest. Please login or register.

Login with username, password and session length
Board Admins: Harri, Once Removed
Senior Ambassadors: Cat Familiar, I Am Redeemed, Mutt, Turkish
  Help!   Boards   Please Donate Login to Post New?--Click here to register  
bing
Things we can't afford to ignore
Depression: Stop Being Tortured by Your Own Thoughts
Surviving a Break-up when Your Partner has BPD
My Definition of Love. I have Borderline Personality Disorder.
Codependency and Codependent Relationships
89
Pages: [1]   Go Down
  Print  
Author Topic: Acting nice vs. Being good (acting vs. virtue)  (Read 222 times)
JNChell
a.k.a. "WTL"
********
Offline Offline

Gender: Male
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Relationship status: Dissolved
Posts: 3520



« on: August 25, 2018, 11:54:27 AM »

Emotionally manipulative people are very good actors at first. They’re very nice. They are able to seek out potential supply by a few questions upon meeting them. They are nice in doing so, but there is a purpose for that. Being. nice can be an act.

Being good is a virtue. It’s a value that we possess and seek. It is what is. There is no acting involved.

S3’s mother was a very nice woman, even when revealing the initial   Red flag/bad  (click to insert in post)’s. I was paying attention to the wrong things. I was paying attention to her attention to me, not her. Not the warning signs.

In saying this, I realize that I was starved for attention myself, and it was noticed quickly by my ex.

Anyway, taking time with a potential partner makes sense now. Exploring them without interrogating them. Listening to the gut, and trusting it.
Logged

“Adversity can destroy you, or become your best seller.”
-a new friend
Insom
*****
Offline Offline

Gender: Female
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Posts: 680



« Reply #1 on: August 25, 2018, 12:49:38 PM »

Thoughtfully said, JNChell.   I can relate to how powerful it feels to redirect caring attention toward yourself. 

Excerpt
I realize that I was starved for attention myself, and it was noticed quickly by my ex.

How do you feel about your attention status status now that you've been able to look back and notice you were starved?  Still hungry?  Found a way to get that need met?  Still searching?
Logged

JNChell
a.k.a. "WTL"
********
Offline Offline

Gender: Male
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Relationship status: Dissolved
Posts: 3520



« Reply #2 on: August 25, 2018, 01:12:48 PM »

Hi, Insom. I’m still very hungry and still searching, but the compass has changed direction. It’s pointing at me. As far as curing the hunger? I’m working on it through therapy. Thank you for reaching out.
Logged

“Adversity can destroy you, or become your best seller.”
-a new friend
Can You Help Us Stay on the Air in 2021?

Pages: [1]   Go Up
  Print  
 
Jump to:  

Our 2021 Financial Sponsors
We are all appreciative of the members who provide the funding to keep BPDFamily on the air.
12years
alterK
Andi1956
Anondad
Cnvi
doghouse
drained1996
EyesUp
Harri
JD2028
lovenature
Mac5
Methuen
Mommydoc
Mutt
old97
P.F.Change
Skip
snowglobe
Swimmy55
Teno
Turkish
wendydarling

Powered by MySQL Powered by PHP Powered by SMF 1.1.21 | SMF © 2006-2020, Simple Machines Valid XHTML 1.0! Valid CSS!